For a while I’ve been feeling the worst. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, agoraphobia and claustrophobia but never depression. agoraphobia is no longer an issue for me and I handle much better my anxiety. I don’t see any psychologist and my parents, I doubt they would let me. I’m 18 and live with my parents.
The problem is that I’ve been feeling on extreme edge. I can hide it but I feel myself about to lose my mind I know I have depression because I self harm ever since I was in 6 grade and have thought about suicide but never want to commit it. I want to live, I don’t want to die. I often fear myself losing my mind. I’m afraid of losing control over myself, I feel sick. I don’t know what to do. I genuinely don’t feel normal, it scares me. I can’t spend time with my siblings like a normal older sister, I get annoyed so fast I always want to be alone in my room and talk to nobody but I’m scared to be alone. I recently deleted all my social media and only contact a few people. I can’t handle anything at all, I don’t know what could be wrong with me. I don’t want to disappoint my parents with them finding out how bad mentally I am. anyway they wouldn’t understand why I feel like this. I don’t even know why. I’m afraid of myself. I’m ashamed and I’m scared of seeking help. I don’t know where to go, who to talk to, how to pay for help when I can barely afford it and don’t want to ask my parents to pay. I don’t know what to say either. I would just look stupid and crazy… I don’t want to be crazy. On top of all of that, my memory has gotten so much worse, I quit college, I don’t work because I’m afraid of interviews and not being able to keep the job.