I’m 19 and a little over two years ago I got drunk at a party and I was passed out from around 10pm to 4am. I don’t remember anything from that night. Some of my friends were there and they said they had to take care of me and check up on me throughout the night to make sure I was okay. I’ve never been that drunk and I know it was irresponsible.
Being sexually assaulted that night didn’t cross my mind until about April of this year. I was watching a show where a girl got raped when she was passed out while drunk and I can’t stop thinking that something like that could’ve happened to me. I literally can’t stop thinking about it. I kinda forgot about it in the summer but then around November I started worried about it again. I also saw that the Brock Turner case was brought up again in the news and it’s making me even more paranoid. I keep endlessly going over that night and trying to piece together what I can remember. It’s honestly driving me crazy and I’m having trouble focusing on anything until I feel like I’ve “fixed” it. Sometimes I rationalize with myself that I’m being overly paranoid and then I feel OK again but that feeling never stays long. How would a “normal” person feel about this? Would they worry about it as well? I’ve been researching lots of posts and everyone says that this is just a product of obsessive thinking and anxiety but what if in my case it isn’t and something actually did happen to me? Please help, I don’t know what to do. I know I should see someone but I still live with my parents and I don’t want to worry them.
I really want to message some of the people who were there that night to ask them and try to get peace of mind but I don’t know if I should.
I think if something happened you probably would have known the next morning when you woke up by how you were dressed, any soreness or body odours etc if you woke up feeling fine and just hungover then you are probably just over thinking it. You said your friends were there checking on you too so this likely is just anxiety
I think I would have noticed as well. I was wearing tight lululemons that night and I think it would have been pretty obvious if they had been take off and put back on. I also didn’t have any soreness at all. Either way, I still can’t help obsessing overly the possibility of something happening, it’s awful.
Try to calm down. It's just anxiety triggered by something upsetting you saw on tv. You prob have an underlying issue with anxiety so maybe see a counsellor to help you deal with it or speak to your doctor. There may be a local support group or something near you.
Magic
I would advise you talk to your GP and explain what happened last year. Do you consider you may have been drugged that night and you are wondering what if this did happen.
Your GP May be able to arrange treatment that could address your concerns and look for ways to find out what happened to you. Were there any signs you had been raped, this will all need to be addressed and your fears put to rest
BOB
There weren’t any signs that I was raped when I woke up. I didn’t feel sore or anything and all my clothes were still in tact. I also definitely was not drugged, I was just really stupid and drank an insane amount of hard alcohol. I don’t really think a GP could find out what happened unfortunately.
Thank you for the reply btw!
Thanks for the reply. The thought of rape didn’t cross my mind until I saw it on TV so do you think that means that this is all an anxiety issue? I was diagnosed with anxiety a lot time ago. I’m just scared that I’m using anxiety as denial to the fact that I was actually raped. Ugh, it’s an endless cycle and I can never find a conclusion.
Magic
I would be concerned you would be unable to clear your negative fears, and this may effect your future activities in life.
I wish you well Merry Christmas
BOB
Magic I’ve only just seen your post
i want to say like has been before, I personally think you would know if something happened.
i can’t go into details but I had a similar experience drove myself nuts nothing happened. I had to peace together that night different obviously to yours. I know in my heart it didn’t.
Now programmes that look like that on the television have to be realistic, and if I think you watched what I think you did.. then if you remember she had an automatic feeling that very morning after, she showered gathered her clothes went to her sisters. She knew.
may I make a suggestion ask your friends when they checked on you where you where what you where doing that night.
Also they were checking on you so my feeling is that they would have maybe seen something.
please it’s not easy when you’ve thoughts like this.. I know! Try to think once again. If you had routed feelings there are ways of trying to regress you to see.
I hope you feelings are put to rest, you may need to speak to a professional I’ve thoose feelings persist!
your gut is so important with this too.
take care
vicky
But do you think that something actually did happen and I should get help on how to deal with it? Or I should just get help about my anxiety?
Thank you, I wish you a Merry Christmas as well!
Thanks for the reply Vicky and I’m really sorry that a similar experience happened to you. I asked one of my friends a few months ago and he says that there’s no way anything would have happened. He said that word would have definitely gotten round if something happened.
However this event happened a little over two years ago so it’s been a long time. I’m not friends anyone with some of the people who were there. Should I still message them anyway and ask? I’m scared that something actually did happen and everyone is lying to me and pretending it didn’t. I know how ridiculous this sounds but I’m just having so much trouble putting this to rest.
Do you think a “stable” person (someone who doesn’t have anxiety) would be worrying about this? Or would it not even cross their mind? I’m just trying to figure out if this whole thing is just a product of over-worrying.
And also what did you mean by “if you had routed feelings there are ways of trying to regress you to see” ?
Personally Magic
You need to ask yourself would it be beneficial to know. The way I would look at this is if something comes back regarding this in the future. It may well be to talk to someone may be a good idea and then move on with your life and someone you love. Would there be any danger of catching something at that time, would you need tests. The problem is we do not know the context that opened up this problem. Date Rape Drugs are common and it can be an offence to do something like that
Only you know the people who you were with and how they would think. Talk to your GP and be advised by Him/Her
BOB