I've always been shy, backward, odd you name it...every label a parent puts on a child like that I was it. However as I grew up it crept into ibs in my teens, anxiety/ibs late teens, anxiety/ibs/depression as I hit my 20's, brief spell of cfs thrown in for good measure which rears its ugly head every now and then but hard to know the difference between cfs or mental exhaustion. Finally when I could take no more and couldn't control it I lost my job...my absolute dream job 😭 I was late 3/4 days per wee with v&d with nerves and panic attacks on the journey to work and having to stop for toilet breaks it was horrifically embarrassing and degrading thinking I'd actually poo in my car. So now here I am at home, no job, no money, no friends (agoraphobia), diagnosis of GAD, panic attacks and ibs. One day my mum understands one day she's a cutting as a scalpel. She'll hurt my feelings to the core. "At least I go to work" "Must be great sitting on your bum all day" "How could you be exhausted doing nothing" "You've nothing to be depressed about"
I feel like a waste of skin and organs. I'd love a bus to accidentally kill me. I'd never kill my self but I'd love the choice to be taken away from me. I hate living, I live the life of me(who's disappearing) and anxiety girl who's taking over. I hate her. She's ruining my life. I don't sleep, when I do I dream, I over eat, I don't go out, I go walking or a drive at night, I don't want to talk to anyone, I've no interest in anyone or anything apart from my dog (sad or what ehhh?) My Mum says "ahhh here we go the same old cry, boohooo for you, you were always put down bla bla bla" her words are so cruel. She'd be sorry if something did happen to me. Maybe not actually. Anxiety is really real and it's killing me it's ending me slowly. I even take stupid wee attacks in bed.
I'm on sertraline 100mg, propranolol 80mg, omeprozol 20mg and 2mg or 5 mg if needed randomly if I have to go out and need dutch courage
I understand I dropped out of college because of my gad, social phobia, social anxiety, depression. It was too much for me. I couldn't handle the pressure and got very depressed I ended up doing something very du*mb. I haven't been diagnosed with agoraphobia but I have stayed indoors for 7 years after the college problem. I lose track of time don't know what day it is I sleep almost all the time. When I'm awake I still stay in bed until I sleep again. I reminisce about my past. It su*ks. I'm sad I didn't even get to start college my anxiety was bad. I couldn't handle being near people. I don't have IBS but I would get panic attacks and I always ended up leaving the public places. My dad said something similar to me too after I tried to k*l* myself last year. What I had to tell myself when my father asked me, "what do you do?" He didn't even let me answer. He said, "you do nothing." "All day doing nothing." I had to control my tears. I was embarassed since we were outside and he was talking very loud. 😭 my neighbors were outside. A while later after he finished talking I left to the restroom and tr*ed to ch*ke myself with a cable and cried. I'm sorry for what you've been through I know how it feels. Since I've been 4 yrs old I thought about dy*ng too. My teacher was being mean too me. I've had many problems and traumas in the past. You are not a waste. You have a problem. Anxiety. You are not what your mom tells you. Not everyone will understand our problems but we have to be our own best friend and motivate ourselves when those bad thoughts come in our mind!🙏You are strong because you've been through a lot.💪Don't feel discouraged things can get better for you.❤Wish you all the best!
Glad you're telling your story here, getting it all out, bless everyone one this site who needs help and try to help others. I was you years ago. There wasn't a site like this, my parents would get frustrated thinking I was lazy and not motivated, it's hurtful but looking back we all say things out of frustration, my mum now realised how crippled and hopeless I felt, when I started getting help she supported me as she saw I was desperate to get better for me and for them. I visited my gp to start with and broke down saying just how bad it was. I got counciling, short term meds to help me push to calm down and do stuff. Slowly but surely I would feel more positive as I saw more good days than bad. Hard at the time,( I had to be forced to be positive and do things,) please be positive , lots of us have been or are in your situation, be reasured people here know how you feel and you are not alone. Glad you posted here, means you are wanting help, you can get through this, this site proves it, keep posting, it helps to talk, we understand. 😊❤️