I sm so fed up with this

Mental health
1

HI anybody

I posted a little while ago and Elide gave me a lovely answer which I understood but today I am writing because as I thought things were getting better with the medication I feel that I am back to stage one. Yesterday I got through the day and invited a friends round for teas and it was a lovely night and I was back to my normal self, happy, managing things, laughing, talking and enjoying my friends company.  Then today I feel so alone and anxiety keeps coming.  I am back to the GP around 4pm to up meds but how can I one minute being feeling so bad and then in the evenings I am back tonormal.  I can feel it in my mind and the bad times seem to float away.  I am not sure whether it is the anxiety or whether its depression.  I know they can come hand in hand.  I get jealous of people enjoying themselves and socialising without me.  Today I had a turn down from a man I was interested in on the Internet and it felt so bad in my stomach even though I had never met him. What is going on. Any advice would be lovely 

 

2

I know exactly how you feel. Trust me, what happened was you had a good time and enjoyed your self and the next day you felt empty because that good time was gone

3

Hi Joyce

I was just about to go to bed feeling tired after an appointment at my hospital with a Physc that had never met me before .

But thought I would respond to your post just now first.

Things getting better is something that we all go through, every minute, every hour and every day can change so rapidly in how we are feeling, those feelings can change our whole percetion of feeling ok and allright .

It seems crazy and to try to explain why this occurs in our daily lives is bewildering, For me I think its just all part of living and dealing with the Anxiety that disables our lives in so many ways, what you are feeling could also be very well linked in with the depression you live with, we are in the same boat here as I have suffered depression most of my life I think, I see anxiety as a mind issue.

And it requires me to be diligent with my thoughts and how one single though can trigger a whole lot of emotional and pysical stuff off and then be able to over take any thing that was benificial and positive thoughts like you had after a great night out.

I call those thoughts that come into my head "lies" and I try to look at them as me trying to convince myself I am no good, it can also make us feel like we are victims because of the isolation we often feel we live with.

I have always been an adventorous , outgoing, traveling person who can instantly start up a chat with any stranger outside and when travelling the world as I have been doing for most of my teenage and adult life , and I battle with issues of abandonment and lack of care from freinds who instead of picking up the phone to see how I am or kocking on my door to visit stop doing all this and I find myself mourning my life over the past 4 years knowing what isolation and feeling betryaed by those who I thought loved me are too wrapped and and busy for me.

I am always there for those I love and even those I just want to help , and my expectations of others goes haywire and leads me back to disappointment.

I refrain from seeing myself as a victim, the multiple times I have layed in a hosdpital bed totlay alone , with not one visitor , all my family are out of this country, the isolation destroys me.

Losing my partner suddenly has left me single for over 15 years and its onoy human to search for love and that need to know what love is to show it to another and to get it back.

And this in my opinion has also left to feelings of devestation that I am not good enough.

I have dated others in the 15 years but now not been or desired any form of partnership for over 4 years.

Funny enough right now I have 2 people who saw my recent online dating profile who are seeking to meet me and here i begin to feel fear and anxiety and also feel I have way to many things right now to deal with romance and dating.

I tend to shy away

I encourage you to not stop searching for love as one day we both may be so blessed to know and be led back to knowing what it feels to be loved by another special person.

Dont let your recent experience put you off.

I take my hat off to you for even trying rather that sitting at home and waiting for the door to knock and to find you Kinght in Shining Armour standing there ready to pick you up off your feet and carry you off into an amazing sunset (future)

So keep up that search and learn new skills to make it happen for you, it is a learning process.

As I am tired I am actually losing my concentration.

I just want to send you a Big Hug and want you to have a Suunt bright day as it really is out there if you happen to be in the UL especially London where I am from.

Smile sweet heart and be happy as you move forward into the evening ahead

And dont be alone.

It often helps us to get through the negative by reading a few of the issues people write in and giving them some support

PJ

4

Joyce, 

medication can only do so much. Personally I don't think medication should be used for anxiety unless it's extreme like people fainting from it. Therapy is the best way to tackle anxiety, as medication comes with nasty side effects and can be used only for so long, then you have your withdrawal symtoms. I've been suffering from depression and anxiety came with it, I thought the best way to tackle it would be medication but it isn't. We just have to fight our way through it, its not going to hurt us. Also, medication can make anxiety worse. 

When you're alone do some yoga or meditation. Listen to some hypnosis tracks on YT. Search Panicaway and read up on anxiety + panic attacks. 

5

Hi Joyce,

A daily cycle of horrible mornings and better evenings is quite normal. As is a horrible morning, ok afternoon, horrible evening.

It is all to do with cortisol and when its production spikes, apparently.

Don't be too hard on your mind and body when is crashes. It is so hard to understand what is going on in our own bodies which is so frustrating.

If you know you enjoyed being around people then plan some more events. Don't push yourself to do everything - be making the teas etc - just put in a catch up for a coffee or something simple.

Lizzie

6

Hello joyce

I can so relate to what you are saying. Today I have been a total mess. I've been so anxious that I have cried most of the day. (Crying seems to relieve it somehow) so not all bad. A few days ago I felt 'OK'. At those times, I believe it is over and that somehow I am cured. 

I have learned (or should I say I am learning) that I need to take things day by day or moment by moment. I seem brighter this afternoon. I do take something for it though and have done for a while. I just feel my body had coped with anxiety for so long, it was exhausted. However, I use sparingly and under Doctor supervision.

I used to be very anxious years ago. Then I went through a period (some 7 years) where I was coping. I was pondering on what was different. How did I get to that point, where I could cope. As now I feel as though I will never really cope ever again. 

For me it was the following:

I accepted that I had anxiety, very severely. 

This lead to feeling odd, feeling like I was going mad, feeling unwell but most of all the panic attacks were horrendous. 

I decided to carry on regardless, letting the anxiety 'do its very worse' even the panic. I did this repeatedly and all of a sudden I was feeling tons better. I was also very active in my life. Currently I am doing the opposite. I stay indoors, I cry and make things worse (I think). 

Ugh anxiety sucks big time. I hope this helped in some way. xx

7

Hi There

Thank you so much for your lovely reply.  Yes I am in the uk but not sunny here.  You are so strong I admire you.  I am sorry about your friends and their lack of empathy.  I know you will be ok.  Once again many thanks x

 

8

Hi

i can certainly relate to both of you. I have those moments/hours when I think I am at the turning point only to have a morning where I feel jittery and frightened.  Maybe this is an indicator to increase my med.  I am on 75mg dr said I could up it to 100mg.  Who knows if that's the answer. Feeling low.

lynda

9

Thanks Lizzie I know its just my frustrations as to why why why.  I need to undertand and as we all know it is impossible to understand.  Thank you agaon for your reply, x

 

10

Thank you for your reply pse dont stay indoors get out there and bat that anxiety in the arse.  I cried today as well and feel better following it.  I have faith in you xx

 

11

I think that  everyone has good and bad times its normal up to certain level. Its when it starts to take over your life that its really a problem.  I have aways had anxiety problems to a greater or lesser extent and have times when I just feel I can't cope.

Perhaps your friends saw you as a person coping well with life and don't need any help.  Maybe you need to discuss your feelings with an understanding friend and let them see how you hurt.

12

Thank you for your reply.  I have confided in 2 people who know what I have been through when John died and they are there for me, I just dont feel I can bother anyone on a daily basis.  Anxiety ok at 7pm so eaten tea and quite calm - I love this time of day when I can feel ok

Thanks againf or your reply

Joyce

13

Hi, for what this is worth, I have dealt with much past anxiety through a means of rational emotive type therapy, which puts the responsibility of this on myself, and explaining that as an evolving person, I needed to see these absorbing thoughts and feelings as expecting others and the world to self sooth for me, not knowing or having learned this from an earlier life, and feeling helpless and hopeless to do this for myself. I had to not only learn to do what I had been taught from an early age was selfish and self serving in many ways, and not to do so sent me into moments of derealization, and triggering very old abandonment wounds (self abandonment and parental abandonment of very old emotional needs) and anxiety of wanting and needing things in my life to be different, and not having the thought processes and self nurturing tools or even giving myself permission to have them. I'm not suggesting that going back and looking at how to take off from where emotional development left off works for everyone, but for me, being able to see that I could be self empowered by lessening my expectations from life and people around me, and instead tap into a perceived abundance of self love, and nurturing without feeling selfish, saved me from self abandonment triggered from long ago. I did some supportive reality type therapy that helped me accept the limitations of of myself and others, in all its perfection and imperfection, and gave myself permission to grieve the loss of idealization of the way I was unconsciously expecting or wanting. I then chose to change my thinking and began letting go of unrealistic expectations of others who are limited in what i may have needed then or now..and began thinking about how I could take baby steps towards self soothing, self nurturing, self centering behaviors that I had not learned through developmental stages of my life.