hi any one shed any light please .
my wife has become withdrawn over the past several weeks ,
so i asked her is she ok, she told me that she dosent know whats wrong with her just give her time and she will snap out of it.
2 weeks later after she went to visit he aunty for a long weekend,
on the monday she came back she was even more withdrawn than before.
asked her whats wrong told me to sit down we need to talk.
i need a break from everything i dont know whats wrong with me i dont feel the same anymore about anything i dont know how i feel about you , its all to much.
since then she has been at her mothers for a week now and wont even talk to her about it.
we can talk to each other ok but if i try to talk about us she just clams up.
ive now lost a stone from not eating and worry. im in limbo as to what ive done to her to react like this.i cant go anywhere near her anymore.
all i can put it down to is the loss of her sister 3 years ago she never mouned or cryed once throught out .
im 44 my wife is 42 her sister was just 36 and died of a bleed to the brain.
anybody help coz it feel like everthing is falling apart with no light ahead.
we have 3 children 7/15/16.
hi forgot to mention my wifes aunty reminds her of her sister in every detail .
she has been down to visit now about 3 times in 6 month.
all i get now is negativity to our relationship .
she has to move back in because the 6 weeks hols are coming to an end ,
i said i will move into my sons room and share with him ,she was all for that.
if i had done something wrong i could get my head around it .
should of seen the worning signs when she was comming in from work having her tea then spending the rest of the night in our bedroom reading .
Hi Bryan sorry to hear your family is going through this at the moment, it does sound like your wife is depressed but will obviously need to be diagnosed by a doctor, all I can say is and please bear in mind this is my experience of depression not your wife's but I have suffered depression all my life to varying degrees and it's a fight to survive every day, when I'm in my darkest place I too retreat from family more so because I don't want them to worry or see my like that, you convince yourself they are better off without you.
As far as her taking time out all I can say is let her and try not to ask too many questions particularly about yor relationship etc as these will be pressure for her and difficult to answer , this is hard for you as you probably feel like she is slipping through your fingers, encourage a GP visit and tell her your there no matter what, if this is depression it is treatable.
Hang in there x
hi cheers for getting back so quick
the only problem with getting her to get help is she,s to head strong .
she has always been in control, of everthing in life.she wont even take tablets for a head pains and shes worse than a man for going to the doctors about anything.
so am i better just backing off ,help where i can ?
thanks for info .
Well that's just answered the question of is it depression, I too am a control freak and when well at the top of my game, what us strong people need to realise is we too are not immune to needing help, hard for us to accept especially with family relying on us.
Just keep up the reassurance you are there for the moment and hopefully she will seek you out for help, frustrating for you I appreciate but hang in there, fingers crossed this will get better. Keep posting on here there are a lot of people with helpfull advice and support something you need aswell.
Good luck x
cheers you have helped to clear thing in my head.
look like i have a fight on my hands to get the women i know back.
thanks again and all the best.
bry
Just don't hassle her or keep on at her. Let her have some space and work things out in her own head. You keep doing what you need to do to look after yourself and your children. Although it hurts and you are worrying, don't let it make you become possessive of her else it will probably push her further away. Do some things that make you happy and spend time with your children. Stay strong and be as independent as possible, this will help should the relationship be failing.
It's blunt, sorry, but whatever she is going through, so long as you give her reassurance and tell her you are there for her... Leave her to it, she will talk when ready.
hi ned
cheers for your help im close to her mam she said the same back off and let her come to me when she is ready .
so thats what im now doing day to day as normal .
would like to know why me what did i do why she so cold???
thats the bit thats screwing with my head.
cheers ned
I've just read your reply to ned but can I just say there is nothing you could or should have done, depression just is and it's cruel she is probably " cold " as you put it as depression makes you feel numb and have no ability to share affection, you become devoid of all sense of self, it's so hard to explain but please do not blame yourself, it's only hurtful to you and you need to be strong right now. Sorry if I have spoken out of turn, just trying to help
No don't be daft
Starting to understand now .
Just afraid I might start to think enough is enough why should I stay in an enviroment with one sided love .
Hand on heart she is the best thing to happen in my life .
Thanks c cats
Who knows why she has gone strange with you...
I've learned a few lessons with stuff like this. It's best to leave her to it and concentrate on yourself and children. You worrying about it won't change anything. If you want her to talk to you, it has to be when she is ready. If she has things to deal with in her mind and try to work out, then so long as your there for her when she comes to you then that's all you can do :-)
In the meantime I guess it's a waiting game. Through hard times I'm always told to eat well, sleep well, and take each day as it comes. For me, that's really good advice. You should not be losing weight over worry... You will be putting a lot of stress on yourself which you don't need.
:-)
I know and I'm sorry your going through this, if it helps my hubby goes through it with me and is currently, bless him I love him more for all his patience and when the good times come I make sure he knows how much I love him, have you looked at reading up on depression, there's loads of info on the internet ? May help you understand better, if not speak to your GP yourself, although in my experience they have basic knowledge of what is a complex illness, arm yourself with knowledge
I would love to be able to read her mind just to see why I'm the target .
I am here for her just bloody frustrating .
Been over tonight to see my little lad , it was like nothing has happened even sat next to without her moving away from me .
Hope you find pease and all come good .
Thanks.
Thank you and I'm sure I will ! Hope your situation gets better as I'm sure it will.
Look after yourself x
hi ned
probs gona be in for a long wait for her to talk to me.
she has had a lot put on her theese past few years
her sister passing away also one of my kids the 15yr old one i class as my own is her sisters girl ,we took in and we got hardly any help from the rest of the family plenty of mouth but no action.
we also have had no help at all towards keeping her.
so i dont think money worries has helped.
she also just finished 3yrs of collage doing an accounts deg,that was hard work for her but she passed.
i dont know??. gona look after myself and my kids i have my own problems .
(to all), thanks for all and everthing like they say its good to talk.
It must be so frustrating for you if your wife won't talk to you. Perhaps she's ashamed of feeling the way she does. I agree with crazycat in that depression takes away all emotion. I suffer with depression so I can speak from experience. If only your wife would open up to you. I'm sure in time she will. Tell her not to be ashamed or frightened of her feelings.
hi kat
ive tryed but i never get a reply from her .
gona take a step back and see how things pan out now.
they say its hard to understand when your on the otherside of the fence.
see what they mean now.
hope things come good for your self .
It is hard for those to understand who've never suffered with depression. Give your wife some time and hopefully she'll realise what's happening to her. Has she ever been like this before?
hi kat
no not that i can remember,
seems to be just over the past 6 months .
she went away on a hen party she said her self that since then everything feel different and dosent know why.
HI Bryan can you try to get your wife to talk to anyone. There is so much stygma associated with depression that admitting that she has it is hardest step to take.
Please try to understand that there are times in our lives when we cannot help our partners, only a professional can.