I told my BF I gave him herpes

Sexual health
1

Hey there.

My BF and I are both 23 and I have been diagnosed with hsv2 in 2012 I've had it for 3 years and in December I met this guy. We hit it off so well and fell in love instantly. We made love the first night we met. And were unprotected. We've used condoms a couple times but were not religious about them. We have been together for 3 months and been unprotected for most of that time. I love this man so much and the fact that I didn't tell him was killing me. We have moved in together moved to another state together even and have joint everything accounts. He is my soulmate. So you can imagine what a monster I felt like for not telling him. Last night I finally got the nerve to tell him. His reaction was what I expected. He was devastated that I did this to him. Couldn't look at me and wouldn't touch me. But he didn't run or tell me to get out or tell me he hated me and never wants to see me again. But he was irate. I asked him if he loves me and he said yes and was crying and I asked him if he would want to try to work it out and still build something and he said he doesn't know. If he leaves me I know I will have deserved it but I love him with everything that I am and he is such a good man and so good to me he doesn't deserve this.

I know this isn't really a question but I am killing myself over this and I really need some guidance. How u can help him and how I can continue to make this work. So if anyone could please shed some light or offer advice on the matter it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

2

I mean .. I was in a similar situation ..

I was on both sides of the tracks. I was the one that got infected and wasn't told and I was the one that was having sex and never told my boyfriend I had herpes .. Thankfully after 3 tests it still comes back negative .. How ? I don't know .

I was having an active breakout during our sexual encounter one time also .

There is really nothing you can do except give them time but also alert them that the disease isn't deadly it's like a skin disease that comes and goes .

Sad to say that you guys are kind of moving too fast also . 3 months and you did all of this ??

Can you really get too know someone and all they are about in 3 months ..

The pain can eat you alive having to confess to someone that you have herpes you are just so scared that they will desert you and throw what you told them back in your face .

My current / ex I don't know what to call it

He knows about me and my disease and he is acceptive of it .

What is so painful about your story is you didn't even try to do anything to half way keep him safe from contracting the disease ..

Do you guys talk ?? You didn't have any outbreaks these last few months ? How often do you get them ?

My main question for you now is if you seen that you was involved with someone physically why didn't you try to get suppressive medicine..

How do you know he is infected ? Did he get a test ?

3

I told my future that I had an infection on my S toto and two doctors said its cellulitis but a culture indicated I grew the virus I told her and showed her test and she really doesn't understand I wouldn't have sex with her so she took it and it was protected then two occasions no protection however I was praying the daily antivirals stop transmittion without lesions Lord this is a tuff situation I feel like I'm hiding something from her but I got her tested she has hsv1

4

Yes we knew we moved really fast. But we are 2 sides of the same coin. And there were no other secrets besides this. And I had stopped taking anti vitals in October. I'm not trying to make light of the situation at All I know how wrong and horrible it was to do all these things. We both feel as if we had been together for 3 years vs 3 months. He hasn't been tested yet as we just spoke about it last night. But I am almost certain he now has it.

And if by some god given miracle that he doesn't, what we can do to keep it that way

5

You're absolutely right it is tough. In my situation, I know I have not been completely honest with him and he loves me so much and I love him and couldn't take hiding it anymore.

The last act of love I knew was to just tell him. And accept whatever happens after that.

6

And I've only had one ob in the first year and then nothing

7

More then likely you will have to get on suppressive medicine there is really no other way around it ..

That is what reduces the shedding and the spread of the virus

Especially since you said you guys don't like using condoms and all that ..

Have you talked to him about the disease and everything ? Did he have any questions ?

8

Are you kidding me? You have been far from honest. You knowingly put him at risk for 3 months - no disclosure, no condoms, no meds, no anything. I would not view that as an act of love either, nor you coming clean. It's one thing to not disclose, but to *also* take no measures to reduce transmission is seriously messed up and unforgivable. At this point, the only thing you'd better pray for is that he didn't catch this from you.

9

Remember when I said I feel like a monster? Yeah I know no need to tell me what I already know. I'm just looking for helpful advice thank you.

10

Too late for advice regarding your relationship. You missed that boat ages ago, when you could have asked what to do before anything happened. It's all up to him now. If he decides to stick around, the best "advice" is that you both do a full STD check, then take it from there. Also, don't put somebody else in that position again in future, whether you love them or not. At the very least, reduce transmission risks.

11

Thank you for the negativity. I hope you have a nice day.

12

I totally get your problem, but i totally agree with Felis as this is a thing which is someday going to come out. So its your choice whether to loose someone and give something to him which will trouble for him the rest of his lifetime. I know how devastated you feel because somebody tricked me and didnt told she had herpes. Just pray to God nothing happens to him.

13

We are going to need to support one another seriously I met someone I am deeply in love with she has hsv1 and me hsv2 it's so tuff mentally communications great lifestyles great sex super great but this dam HSV2 situation is tuff when I think of it the mental

14

How did she trick you?

15

Yes, but did you repeatedly have sex with your gf, no daily meds, no condoms, whilst knowing your status? We should be mindful of what we support and endorse. Non-disclosure with full prevention is essentially just a moral/ethical and trust issue. Non-disclosure with zero prevention is all that, plus a potential lifelong socio-health issue and lawsuit, especially in the US...

I totally get the fear of disclosing and why some people do not, but I do not get the repeated lack of preventative measures as well, once known or suspected, especially with gHSV-2 and when it's so easy to go on the meds and/or use a condom. That is selfish, not love, and is the reason why some of us are regrettably on this forum in the first place, which I believe also answers your question to Alex.

16

I totally under I do and you are correct therefore I've been on daily meds since I thought it was hsv2 if I had listen to doctors I would have unknowing infected someone but God input the will in me to search answers. Now I hate unprotected sex it took me almost 2 years to even think of it and no way would I without meds although I know many married that don't used condoms or meds I just have to at least be on some form of preventive transmittion with olive leaf extract and lysine 2000mg. My comment about supportive means with this stigma infection it's not a di ease its and infection so sti rather std. A good study is immunology hard study for all and stop the Internet information is confusing and not accurate.

17

That's good, and I think I recall you saying you're on proper suppressive meds besides lysine, etc. My initial question was rhetorical. Yeah, concordant couples don't need to take any precautions, only discordant gHSV-2 couples, where one or neither party wants the negative partner to acquire it.

Agree that there's bad advice on the Internet, too, as well as from some doctors. As a result, when I want answers, I always look to official sources and research studies! STI and STD are used pretty interchangeably. Both have equal stigma, imo, and I think herpes can be classified as either, since it is an infection that can also cause disease.

18

Yes of course but I tend to incorporate my engineering discipline into troubleshooting the human body. Many know chemistry or how to perform surgery but many lack the true troubleshooting skill for ex. Women are dying daily from cancer and are told to keep up with appointments well many still get diagnosed in irreparable stages. Finally, my girl doesn't have hsv2 only hsv1 my issue is she hates condoms but I know what I went through with hsv2 but found I suffered because I had neither hsv1 nor hsv2 previously. I just don't wanna transmit my ex. Wife left me and committed adult because I was diagnosed now she said she was wrong and apologize however it could never be because I now know her hsv1 is leading in gential infections now accordingly to studies and the CDC

19

U need to get the help and educate yourself and hom about the virus, outbreaks and treatment, that is if he does have it. What's done is done but don't expect him to b ok with this, allow him to express his feelings so that both of u can move forward.

20

I know this is old so not sure how your situation is now but wanted to message you anyway.

First of all Im very sorry you have to go through this it is not ideal and I know exactly what your going through but just remember you are one of millions of people who are infected by this virus so you're not alone.

I got diagnosed with HSV 2 when I was pregnant with my daughter and I was 5 years deep into my relationship, I suspect I picked up the virus before I met my partner as I used to be very 'promiscuous' (to put it nicely :p) and had unprotected sex alot, however, it only takes one time and condoms dont always protect you.

I was absolutely devastated when the clinic told me my results were positive, I remember I was crying everyday, I then had to tell my partner that I had herpes down below and I was certain he was going to abandon me but guess what, he didnt! And even though he was probably a bit shocked, he told me he would not leave me over that because he loved me and he respected that I was honest and cared about his safety and health. So that is why my first piece of advice to you is to ALWAYS be honest and put all your cards on the table because even though its embarrassing to talk about at first, if your guy truly loves you he will stick around, if not he wasnt worth it anyway.

Its not easy to have herpes, you go through alot of mental and emotional issues at first and its not fun but it DOES get easier.

Because I was pregnant I had to be totally upfront with doctors and nurses about having this virus and trust me its not easy to tell strangers about your sexual health but I found the more I said it to people, the less I cared because I knew I was still me and having herpes was a tiny, albeit unfortunate, part of my world, and being able to be honest about it to people and not hide it gave me power to say " yes I have herpes but f*ck what you think."

The hardest thing I had to go through was not being able to have a vaginal birth, I had to have a casearean because I had my first outbreak towards the end of my pregnancy, again it was devastating but my babys health was far more important than my feelings and the doctor said I would be able to give birth naturally next time if I wanted to, so I dont feel like Ive missed out on the experience.

Apart from that the hardest thing about herpes to me now is the actual outbreaks themselves, the uncomfortable sores and not being able to have sex with my partner when theyre there but it happens less frequently than when I was pregnant and I live a very healthy, normal and fulfilled life.

My advice to you is to be honest with people youre intimate with and be responsible because you know how horrible this little bitch of a virus is and you do not want any one else to suffer as you have, remember if they love you theyll stick around.

Be honest with your self and accept that you have this now but dont let it define you because it will eat you up, you have one life do not let this virus affect your world.