I guess i'm writing this because i can't really take this anymore.
I've been living with depression/anxiety now for the past 7 years.In the past, i had my dark moments but they were generally some good moments in there too, and at least i had emotions, a control of my sanity and a feeling like even with my problems...life was worth living.
But over the past 2 years its become near unbearable. I 've never felt so alone as during my depression i've pushed away pretty much anyone who loved me and wanted to help, pushed away any opportunity to improve my life in terms of my career or personal life because i tell myself
i don't deserve it and that no one would ever accept me.
I've tried taking drugs and drinking to ease my mind, but it only makes me worse.I've been to counselling and have taken anti-depressants but that hasn't worked either and my mind seems hell bent on keeping me in the hole i'm in.
Life just doesn't seem worth living to me.I don't care about anything and i don't enjoy anything anymore for 2 years now and i've kept myself alive because
A)i'm too much of a coward to kill myself
B)I don't want to upset my close Family as they're the only ones i feel who love me
I hate and resent my friends.
I hate my job.
I've never had a close personal relationship.
Most of all i'm dissapointed and ashamed i've sank this low and have become so pathetic.
I Just want this to end.
Taking illegal drugs (if that's what you are talking about), and drinking alcohol are not a cure for axiety or depression - they have been proved to make both conditions a lot worse.
You clearly suffer from low self-esteem, so tell me, have you seen a doctor about any of this?
Hi Rew .. certainly feel for you ...you've certainly been struggling...
You know there's a saying ..something about "we shouldn't do the same things and expect a different result"...does it ring a bell?
I mention this because MAYBE there are things or strategies or meds or approaches to life that to date you've not tried, but which could help you ..and give you the result you so obviously need.
You may feel alone ...your brain will try to convince you of that. But you most definitely are not. You are a human being ...all different ...but a human being nonetheless. Its just sad that some of us are not mentally welll and can feel lousy and have teribble thoughts. But just as you've experienced happier times ...you will AGAIN.
Best wishes Rew ...make sure you go see a doctor soon ( that's a must).
Peace
I did go to the doctors a while ago and they prescribed me anti depressants. I took them for a while but they made me worse.I was taking the medicine at a time where life didn't seem real and I was unsure if I was alive.they didn't seem to help at all, so I stopped taking them.
I don't really have any advice for you my lovely. I just want to send you a huge hug and hope you can find a way through this