I've felt useless recently. Please, I need help

Mental health
1

I'm 26 y.o male from a South East Asian nation.

What should I start? Currently, I'm in a institution which recruit official to work for the government. The working pressure is consuming me as it is my first stable job. I feel like I know nothing even if I am already recruited. Moreover, I'm socially awkward. I can't even look directly at people's eyes for more than a few second. 

To give you more detail, I got wasted so much when I was in college. I spent most of the time on gaming and hanging out with "friends". I still got the certificate anyway. 

Now, I don't have any direction at all. It seems like I'm not a man for that job. I feel useless and anxious whenever I think about the working place. I will get paid anyway with approximately 250 US dollars a month. With this amount of salary, you can only pay for 3 meals a day and that's it. I can't imagine myself owning a house/car let alone a girlfriend. I mean I used to be in relationships, but because of my uselessness, I decided to leave them.

What will my future fold? I'm still living with my parents whom will be retired in next several years. You know, there is no social security system for elder people in my country yet. I'm truly worried about them and younger my sister. Who will take care of them when they get older? I don't think I can't help them much and probably be a burden for them. To be honest, I don't need anything else for my f--ked up life. I only hope I can help my family. I don't want them to suffer like many other elder people in my country. Those elders are left begging and scavenging for food on the street. 

Sometimes, I think about commiting suicide but I don't know any painless way. At this point of life, I feel like I shouldn't have been born at all. 

Best regard,

ouk555  

2

Hi Ouk - sorry to read of your situation. Is ther a possiblity of advancement in your job? Can you use it as a gateway for a better paying job in the future? Unfortunately, that sort of problem solving is up to the individual, you are the master of your destiny. Your written English is excellent. Have you thought of being an interpreter? Written and/or spoken language? The next thing to consider is what do you love to do? If it's something like gaming, can you find employment in that area? The matter of not being able to look others in the eye is about self-confidence. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you, and the answer will come if you keep searching for it. Meanwhile, hang onto that job while seeking something better.

3

Hello, Mr Wayne - First off, I'm truly thankful for your help. Currently, there is no other way to find another job. I'm not being pessimistic, but my job now is the best I can get. These two days, I had received 2 advices, one from my college and you. I realize that dying won't really help, so I need to work myself off more. Things don't go well at the moment, but I will try to get out of this misery. Once again, thank you!  

4

Hi again Ouk - thanks for your response. Someone once said to me that if things are bad now, they can only get better, and I guess that's a description of life. Nothing is static - things are always changing. I know it's difficult in the moment, but opportunity happens in an instant and we all get our share of it. Hang in there, mate. Let yourself dream. Dreams can come true. Things will change.