I would like to start by saying I am prepared to take your harsh responses. I think first and foremost that I probably deserve them.
I also want to explain that it's a little weird and disgusting. So please stop reading if you would like.
Currently in a long term relationship. Love her to pieces too, but I'll be lying if I said we haven't had sex in a long time! Whilst we did "things" together, her mental health has deteriorated, so now we don't do any anything. I sparingly see her beyong a few hours, but we make a strong effort to meet. She's seeking help, and slowly but surely getting better.
It's been hard on me. Selfish to say I know, but I want to support her in every way I can, which can be difficult. To seek some sexual stimulation, without cheating, I spoke to an online male friend (mutual interests) about celebrities we found attractive. It became a little too regular! I won't get explicit about the conversations, they were not harmful however. Eventually we have agreed to meet, both in the same state. The purpose of this was to meet and, I'm sorry to say, jerk over these celebs! Sick right? I don't find men attractive in the slightest! Yet I agreed, and we booked. I know how wrong and vile this is. It has caused me stress, a ton of guilt and shame. He's paid for a hotel and it's got way outta hand. Feel bad to cancel after he's paid. Yet it's so wrong to meet! I don't even want to particularly go ahead with it. So scared on how far I have let this go, all because I wanted some sorta sexual stimulation. Even if it was celebs.
Please help with advice! Need to sort my life out now.