Okay, im new here so my apologies if i am not clear. My name is mark and i am diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. With that comes a boatload of other issues but the ones i want to focus on in this is my depression and anxiety. to put it bluntly, i want to be hospitalised. i want to get to a point where i need to be rushed into hospital because something is seriously wrong. before you ask, no i don't know why but its been on my mind for a VERY long time, not a few weeks, not a month or two but for years. just a constant thought in my mind. at this point i am not suicidal so please do not worry about that. but i have come to see that i am becoming more and more self destructive. i don't want to take any direct measures to end up in hospital either, nothing like overdosing or harming myself. but i just want to fall ill to a point where i am in hospital. i have noticed signs of possible heart problems and have been having signs of a big asthma attack maybe coming in the form of waking up struggling to breath during the night, and initially thorght it was sleep apnea, but recently discovered that on a regular basis, it is a huge red flag for people that suffer with asthma, that it is a sign for an upcoming attack. ... and honestly i just dont care if something happens. i have no want or drive to go visit a gp. i want to know why i feel like this, is it a subliminal cry for help? a deep want to feel important to someone? i don't know. i would really appreciate your opinion.
Mark, is there someone you trust to talk to? since you have a tendency to be anxious, it might manifest itself in this way. if you really think you are sick , why not go to a doctor and be checked out. Maybe a hobby, something you like to do, will keep you occupied and thinking of something else. Don’t give up, many people with Aspergers lead normal lives, sure their are bumps in the road but God is with us every step of the way. What about joining a church and finding a group within the church you can be a part of? Will have you in my prayers
Hi MRD and thank you for your honesty. I used to feel like I wanted more than anything for my cancer to return so that i could be admitted to the hospital where I would be cared for and all my needs met without my having to do anything. Now looking back this seems to me to be a sign of depression because depression makes you not want to do anything. Needless to say the cancer did not return and now I’m happy about that because my life is simplified down to the point where I really dont have to do anything I dont want to do except for my daily exercise walks which are a necessity to helping me feel better all around. Depression is a tricky thing and depressive people have to honor their condition and not put too much on themselves, trying to balance their life so that the stuff they have to do like work for a living is balanced out by a lot of fun and pampering. I’m retired so I no longer have to work for a living but for a long time I was piling stuff onto myself and that was making my average day very pressured and unhappy. I’ve since learned not to do that to myself so I enjoy my life now.