Guys I have a strong urge to end myself
I dont see a point. I feel terrible inside out. There are bad things happening to me over and over and nothing that would keep me going, to motivate me.. Its like i get punched in the face over and over, i cry everyday after I wake up, im so so weak.. i hate the way I look, my face is getting eaten by acne, no one gives me any positive attention, my classmates hate me, they think i am the stupidest ugliest thing on earth, its so hard to live without any smile or positivity.. I love cats, my cat just had kittens and one of them died in my arms today, it was dying for two hours, just looking at me helplessly and I have been crying for five hours now, I had to bury it, its so unfair.. in a few days i have the biggest exam in my life yet in school and i know nothing, i cannot concentrate whatsoever.. Im just praying over and over and no one listens.. i feel invisible.. the exams will determine my future and i know ill fail them.. god i want to kill myself so badly right now
Hi Emma
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. Please please don't hurt yourself. You are not well right now but things can get better I promise you. Please reach out for help. Have you seen a doctor recently? You mention school and exams. Could you speak to a teacher about how you're feeling? Exams are stressful and terrifying and although it feels like it now they don't determine your whole life. Exams can always be resat and can what really matters right now is that you stay safe.
You say love cats. Think of how much love you give and how much they need you. You matter please let someone in to help you through this.
Hi, please don't hurt yourself. Hard as it is to believe, how you feel now WILL PASS. Everything begins, ends or changes eventually, think of the seasons and the weather, it's an example that helps me when when I am low.
Your cats need you. Your poor little kitten dying is so sad, but he was warm and comforted by you as he passed. If you had not been there it may not have been the case. Your mummy cat deffinately needs your help to keep her a healthy and happy mum!
Exams are stressful, especially if you are not feeling quite yourself. BUT even if they did go badly, it really isn't the end of the world. Truly it isn't. Exams can be re sat and new plans made. I bet however you will do better than you think!
Please try and find someone to talk to at school or a doctor or counsellor and engage with any support available.
Acne is no fun - I did not have it as a teenager but had it as an adult - go figure right??! There are many treatments that can help. I used benzoyl peroxide gel 5% to good effect. You need to use sparingly though and you may need to moisturize with an oil free lotion to prevent drying. Ask your doctor or pharmacist.
Good luck, and let us know how you are doing.
Sunny Dee x
Emma, I'm with you honey. Well done you for being so open and honest about how you feel-that takes guts. You are stronger than you think. I know you don't feel it at the moment. Life can be crap sometimes, especially when one bad thing after another happens. It's like you can only take so much. I'm so sorry to hear that one if your kittens died in your arms-it's such a heartbreaking thing to happen and it totally understandable that you are sad and crying. I would be. It's OK to feel sad, it's natural. Your cats need you, where would they be without the love you lavish on them. You seem to under a lot of stress at the moment, eg exams coming up. You can only do your best. Stop worrying about class mates because if they are horrible to you then they've got no class and they're not mates! Ignore them and tell yourself they are really not worth worrying about. Maybe you could have a chat with your doctor. I too have a kitten, she's called clover, is 11 months old and is black and white. Shes my baby girl and wants to play all the time. I'm worn out! She still bites though. I know she's only playing but any advice? I do understand how you feel and I'm sending you a massive hug. Message me anytime sweetheart. Donna x
Hello Sarah, im very thankful for your message, it helped tremendously.. I am better now, didnt hurt myself. I see doctors all the time but never have the guts to tell them how I feel, depression and overall sadness is such a tabu in Czech Republic.. and teachers are even worse, they would just ask me why the f Im telling them that, people are kind of scared of people that are sad, they dont want to have nothing to do with it.. but I might be wrong since I never tried it..
Thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot to me ❤️
Hello Sunny Dee, thank you so much for your comment, it helped a lot. It is so sweet and i feel a bit better now. Its very hard for me to talk about it with a person face to face, as I typed above, I feel like people just dont want to have anything to do with it or they seem kinda annoyed. I would love to talk to a therapist, but they are crazy expensive.. I will sure try to get some kind of help.
I seem to get three new painful pimples everyday and they leave such ugly scars.. it sucks badly.. ill try the peroxide, hopefully it will help at least a little bit.
Thank you so much again, it means the world to me. ❤️
Hello Donna. Thank you so much for such a sweet message and positive energy. It made me feel so much better already.
Aww, ive got a black and white kitty too! She is 13 months old.. She doesnt want to play as much as she did before, but I remember she always scratched me so hard while playing 😄 i still have scars on my hands.. I never did anything about it, i always let her scratch me, my mom would get mad all the time.. 😄
Thank you so much again, sending you a massive hug back. It means a lot to me. ❤️
You are welcome Emma 😊
Sometimes it helps just to feel somone else understands and to express how you feel.
I have a cat called moppett who's 10 years old. She thinks she is a dog though and follows us everywhere and sleeps on the bed... ssshhhh!!
It's hard to advise about therapy as it sounds like you are in the U.S. and I'm in the U.K.
Does your school have a counsellor or adviser, or a teacher you feel comfortable with? It can make a real difference to reach out to someone.
Keep your chin up as they say, lots of people here understand.
Sunny Dee x
Hi Emma, so glad I could help. I do care and want you to know I'm here anytime you need me. I'm sending you a big hug because you are so worth it! I really want you to believe that, take care sweetheart, please stay in touch, there are plenty of genuinely nice people out there, just like yourself xxxxx
How do you know 'My classmates hate me, they think i am the stupidest ugliest thing on earth'? Have you asked this and have they confirmed it? This is your opinion of yourself not theirs.
Now as far as your acne goes if you are not already getting medical help for it then seen your doctor now. If the treatments aren't working then ask to see a dermatologist as they are the experts on skin care. On no account pop or burst any of your spots as this will cause scars and pitts in your skin which could become lifelong. I know what I am talking about as I had severe acne at your age and as there wasn't the treatments available then as there are now I ended up with a very bad skin. I too felt very ugly and also diseased as a teenager and it was a terrible time in my life.
I hope this has helped a bit. x
I can tell you’re depressed by the way you speak but i promise you there is more to life than what you are feeling! I’ve been depressed for some time now but I’m slowly starting to get back to myself it just takes time. Try and do things that can relax you, and dont hesitate to tell your doctor how you’re feeling. Exams are stressful I’m in school too try the app “headspace” as this app can help calm you and it seemed to help me a little bit. Just don’t make a permanent decision for only temporary feelings! Good luck to you because this too shall pass!
I hope every thing will turn out in your favor. Try and stick in there I know it is hard. I will pray for you.