Hi i was diagnosed with depression in march 2014.. even though i've thought negative thoughts in the past i managed to carry on but in 2012 at xmas i had food poisoning and lost my job, while that was going on i was at university and with only 6 months left of my course i quit as it was getting too overwhelming. I had to sell my car because i couldnt afford it.. my car was everything to me i loved driving.
my self esteem and confidence has gone down the pan... i put on a front so i dont embarrass myself but i doesnt help.
My boyfriend supports me alot, he gets overwhelmed with me sometimes but still manages to still positive but i dont seem to have the same enthusiasm to carry on anymore. I do believe it was mistake me being born. I dont feel i have a reason for being here.
I think about my grandads up in heaven or where ever they are and i feel like i want to meet them, leave here and meet them, not necessarily dying or killing myself but just leave here and go somewhere where i dont upset people with the way i am down here..
Yes I understand how you feel. Can you go back to your course? Sometimes being at university and doing your course keeps the mind busy and gives you hope.
i dont know but near the end before i quit i was felling behind on the work because im petrified of doing presentations im not confident enough and the negative feedback didnt help i just couldnt stay positive so i quit.. i dont feel i can go back i feel like a failure already for quitting but i dont think i could go back and embarrass myself all over again
I think you are very capable but the depression made you feel not confident. What will you do now?
you have more faith in me than i do. I dont know i thought about volunteer work with rspca i love animals but im really really scared by the thought of going out and meeting the peope i have to to be able to do the work..
Id prefer to just fade away in the background.
I cant go out without my boyfriend im scared to go outdoors by myself
I can empathies with you loads. For me it was sadly a combination of a job I didnt like and knowing my wife didnt care and was in herself having her own issues.
Depression is one of those things where you have terrible days and shall we say more acceptable days. I am currently unemployed and in a limbo situtaion where I may have to have some serious surgery (finally , its taken a divorce and a move to get the health care i need )
Anyway I digress whilst I am still sorting out my personal lfe and seeiing my kids and my health is now being sorted, I have what I call dark days, where i feel just like you.
What I tend to do if i know its coming on is to try to focus more on daily tasks. So whilst we generally go in to auto mode , get up, wash , cook and clean the house. I try to be more aware of what I am doing rather than having this doom thought at the front of my mind.
Look at the good things you have too
A partner, so your never a lone, some one who really cares. You have a love for animals, and you could mature your knowledge on animals and the welfare. You can focus on drive on things you like.
What I am going to do is try an dsetup my own business, I have tried permanent jobs and to be honest my outlook has changed, i have spent 15 years work for in essense 2 different companies. I hae worked with some great people, and would work again with them, but I want to see and meet more people so I have tried contracting, ok its not been as easier to tap into but I have tried it and will till give it a whirl. So the next is to be my own boss and meet lots of people and be able to help and advice people accordingly.
I have droned on but my point is on the days that you are ok, its wort getting your focuses in place so you can kick yourself when the days are blue. Its got to be worth a try.