I wish I could go back in time.

Mental health
1

My life is and has been so painful. All my life. Pain. I just can't take it anymore. I feel like it's only going to get worse. Especially because we all age.

I suffered so much as a child. I wish I could go back in time and call CPS (in the US) on my parents. My life has just been awful. I can't got into detail. But I am so depressed. I am currently in a situation where I feel stuck. My poor choices led me here, but I can't seem to find a way out. It's jut another awful reminder of how awful my life has been. I wish I could be born from a different family. I wish I had people in my life who actually love me.

I feel like I've had the absolute worst luck. I feel like if even just a few things had been different I would be a different person and that person would be happy. But whose to know? I wish I could kill myself right now and be reborn to kind and loving people. I wish I could actually have a childhood and be ready to be an adult when the time came. I wish I had a partner who was kind and loving towards me. I wish I had grown up to be who I wanted to be.

I wish I was a different person with a different life. I wish that there weren't awful people in the world who have kids and leave them in the street to fend for themselves. I feel like I was not made for this world. It's just too awful for me. It's wearing on my soul and I wish I could escape this pain.

I wish someone would tell me I "will have a good life and it will get better," and that I would believe them.

I'm not looking for advice. I just needed to get this out and have someone "hear" it.

I wish someone would love me. Wrap me up and help me heal. Protect me from further hurt.

I am hurting so much right now.

2

You didn't say if you re still living in the US, or whether you are still in school or working and no longer living at home. Have you told your doctor how you feel or a friend? There is help and support available and people who do care. Please reach out  for the help that's available. There are people who care. You deserve to learn how to put the past behind you and be happy. You will find people who understand and care on this forum. Keep in touch and take care. 

3

Im In the US and am living with my husband.

I really wish there were people who cared. It's a long story about him and our relationship. It's also a big part of the problem.

I physically can't handle any medications. I'm dealing with a lot of internal physical issues right now.

I've had therapy before I can't afford it now and my insurance only covers a few. It's too painful to get started only to have to stop.

I don't have many friends but the two I do have can't be burdened. They both know a little of my hurt, but not the extent.

I don't want to burden them either.

I really wish someone would tell me life is worth it and that I would believe them. But I have been so disappointed and hurt that I know I never would.

My life started bad and just got worse.

There are musicians who had a good childhood and followed their hearts, worked, and got all the right breaks and have been stars since they were 14 or even younger. Now they are who everyone loves and wants to be. I'm not expecting mega stardom but why couldn't I have at least a slice of that pie?

I have given up not only on having hopes or dreams, but even on having expectations. Well not entirely. The only coping mechanism I've found that sort of works is expecting the worst out of life. And then if I get a sliver of something sort of good I will at least not be sorely disappointed. But that's not even true because i end up being disappointed with that sliver because it's not even remotely close to what I feel I deserve.

I'm a really nice person. Getting less and less so everyday. It's hard to stay kind when people keep tearing you down. When life keeps tearing you down.

I used to be even sweeter. But then I realized no one cared about me. That most people in my life were using me. Any of the few that did care I pushed away because I was afraid they were or would become like the other users and abusers.

I don't really know why I'm reaching out on this forum. I guess I just want to see if someone cares. Or I just want to be heard. I don't know. I'm so tired.

I just really wish I could go back in time. I would go back in time and stop my parents from creating me.

I just don't know if it's possible for me to ever be happy. I've tried so hard. So many times. And it feels like every time it ends in a big crash and burn. Usually because I make a stupid decision that I'm unaware of just how stupid it is at the time. Then it becomes one huge epic happiness fail. Then it goes on the major regret list and the "I wish I could..." list.

I'm exhausted.

4

Hello again. If your husband is part of the problem, could you leave him if that was your best option? You seem to have a lot of things going on right now and you are understandibly overwhelmed. I understand your insurance situation living in the US. I am lucky living in Canada where health care is available to everyone regardless of their ability to pay. I think you might have access to help through psychiatric services or free clinics. You owe it to yourself to do what you can for your chance at happiness. Keep in touch and take care.