I really don't want to live anymore. I'm alone but do have some friends. Have a grown daughter that has a busy life and no time for me. I think people would be sad and miss me, but not terribly. They'll get over it. I recently had major surgery and it went well. Not life threatening. Yet I am so very sad and just don't want to continue. I have no reason to be be depressed but I am and I just don't want to face another day. I was seeing a therapist until 2 weeks ago when he released me. I'm very good at hiding my true feelings from everyone. If you so me at work or with friends you'd think I was a happy go-lucky person. It's all a front.
I'm not looking forward to anything. I just want to die. I'm not in danger of hurting myself, I just want to be dead. I'm so tired. So tired of living.
you don't have to have a reason to suffer with depression! it's an illness that can happen to anyone out there I know this is a fact.
I know how you feel , you feel empty inside and like nothing is even worth the effort anymore.
it truly is the worst feeling ever in the world.
can I ask you are you on meds? and if so for ?
I'm sure you don't really want to die I think really you want to stop feeling like you want to die.
you can get through this, you need to talk and let your feelings out like you have done today, it helps a great deal we are all here for you, plz try and perhaps do some colouring or walking . I don't know if you prefer to be at home alone or out with people. I like to be around people when I feel this bad and walking helps me a lot or watching my favorite comedy shows . you need to think of you and you only for now.
you will get better you won't feel like this forever, soon you will love life again, that's what we learn from being through depression, we learn to appreciate life and living and all the small things in life that most people take for granted.
I don't know if you belive in God, but only God can change things in an instant , but you have to turn to him and ask.
great big hugs to you, God bless and keep me posted on how you are doing.and for now keep talking on here. xx
Thank you for your kind words but honestly, I don't remember ever loving life. I do believe in God but just want to be done with it all. I've been walking, etc for years. I'm tired of it. I don't want to pretend anymore.
I'm not going to do anything, I just want to die.
Oh, you asked me about meds. I only take meds for hypertensiona and a blood thinner. I've asked for an antidepressant and the doctor refused.
You sound lonely and it is hard when kids grow up and do not realise parents need love too. Almost unfair really. I empathize with that aspect of what you are saying. I wonder myself what to do as i age and hope maybe a retirement community or something. Everything is so costly. This new world ignores their elderly, or almost elderly community. They dont realise it, i bet if you lived in a place where there were other people in the same life stage it wouldnt feel so bleak. Death isnt the answer. It might seem like a answer or an out but who even knows about afterlifes. Praying it is wonderful and all that but not a place you get to choose to go on your own accord. Maybe give the doctor a call back or get a new one to speak with. Part might be depression but i feel like its lonliness. Not everyone is all outgoing and energetic to be all happy or self sufficent as they age. They should have some kind of groups or something for the ones between grown children and elderly because many feel the same as you. Sad in this world a pill is suppose to be the answer, pills do not cure loneliness. Pills can help depression though. Sending you a huge hug.
Have you had your thyroid checked? Hypothyroid can cause depression. TSH should be 1-2, if it's higher you could be hypothyroid. I'm speaking from experience. I think you are wrong about your daughter missing you. I had a friend commit suicide last April and it was devastating to me and many others. It came as a shock and I keep thinking there was something I should've said to ease her pain. I felt like you at one time and was in so much pain that I just didn't want to be here, but now I wonder how I got that down. I tried a low dose of Prozac (5 mg) and it helped get me other the hump. You should go see your doctor again and ask for something. I'm surprised that he/she didn't give it to you. They push it here (in the US). Maybe, as you say you don't appear depressed. You could put it in writing to make them understand. All the best.
Hi lovey...I do so so feel for you.....
Today telephone ...the Samaritans...they are amazing...
Also
phone ...a mental health problem line ...also for excellent help and instant advice call the NHS HELPLINE 111 ...they are amazing....I called them a few months ago...while I was still on the phone to them an ambulance arrived....
I have overdosed twice...the staff are amazing at A AND E...but it really is not much fun...
Please. please lovey phone all three this morning ...they truly can help....you will be in my THOUGHTS and PRAYERS....also my heart....big warm sincere hugs ...Dee xx xxx 😘💜😘
he refused? ? what was his reason for refusing?
Hi, Jahnssteve: I am so sorry that you feel that you don't want to live anymore. Believe me, I have felt that way many, many times. Life is an effort, and like you, I don't remember the last time I felt excited about anything or enjoyed the presence of anyone. I have three little doxie dogs and they are the light of my life. What you most likely have is not your fault, sweetie. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain, just as I do. It is going to take some seratonin uplifters to actually lift your mood. I am on three different kinds of meds for my anxiety/depression, panic attacks. Some days are good and some, not so much...Just hold onto the good days, and accept the bad ones. Don't take to your bed or bedroom as an escape from life, sometimes called your "comfort zone"...get out amoung people, and please express to your doctor that you DO NEED meds to get better. It doesn't matter what age you are, this chronic depression can hit and hit hard. My prayers are with you, sweetie...Don't give up, no matter what...Keep us informed on your progress...Life is worth living if you finally beat this thing, but it is a struggle and very exhausting and takes a lot of effort...You can do it...I know you can....God bless...
What did your therapist say to you, about you.
Did you put up your usual front, because if you did, they might not have seen much wrong.They are trained to see past this and probe, but some are better than others.
Please give it one last shot, see a different doctor and express exactly what you've said on here, did you like the therapy? It sounds unlikely you expressed the truth there?! We all put on a front, but with professionals it's a case of they can only help if they know what is going on, you wouldn't go into A&E with a knife in your back and hide it and claim to have a stubbed toe!!! I'm feeling the same as you right now, it comes & goes.... But right now I can't imagine it going! That's part of it, a living death, like the powers been cut. Keep writing to us on here, it may seem pointless but it's truly good to connect to the millions that feel this way.
Hi I think we all know how you feel. This is the depression thoughts talking and they are false so don't listen to them. They will just lead you astray.
If you just want to die but won't do anything then that is a starting point. You need to concentrate on therapy and working on yourself and it will take time you know. But you have nothing to lose do you?
Depression is a random illness and can strike anyone you know. It isn't choosy and even those with self confessed great lives can get it. Change is integral to life and changing how you think and feel will come if you are patient. There is no point in hiding your feelings so seek more therapy and tell them this is what you do. They will have heard this loads of times you know and will help you learn to be honest and open with them.
I won't lie to you - it won't happen tomorrow but it will happen if you put your energies into it. x
Hi its okay to be depressed but when you start feeling that you want to die you have to get yourself some help before it gets worse
You should learn not to hide your feelings yes it is scary to talk about how you really feel but if you are honest you can get the right help before you do any harm to yourself
Please get yourself help
Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and kind words. I was honest with my therapist but didn't feel this way when I was seeing him. I started seeing him because I couldn't walk, was in constant pain and needed to make peace with that. SInce then I was properly diagnosed and had a total hip replacement the end of last year. I am healed, the pain was gone immediately, and now I am depressed for no good reason. I've had every medical test, including thyroid before the surgery and everything was fine. Dealing with the pain took up so much of my energy, it's like now that it's gone and I'm well my brain doesn't know what to do. Does that make any sense? Oh, and I am in the US.
Oh my. I have felt like that so many times. I even hide symptoms hoping that I will die. And then...when I have any good day I see how sick I am. I am on Paxil 40mg. I think it helps but I have been on it a long time. I think I may need to change. I am so tired of this endless cycle.
jahnssteve i know how you feel- was told i had stage 3 lung cancer and yes i am mad especially when the drs were checking me every 3 mos with a ct scan!! In the beginning people are sending their love and prays now a couple of weeks later evryone has gone on with thier life's which is fine this is my problem!! dont know how much longer i have i am going for radiation and chemo which is making me sick and wonder is it really worth bc the survial rate is 5 years. maybe if the odds were better i would fight hard but i am 53 so at 58 i am done??? see people smoking drinking and live to 100!! there are days i think why bother just end it now bc it will end me sooner or later and i will feel sick until the day i go -is that rrally worth it? plus i am sick and tired of thinking about this cancer everyday thats all i think about my normal life is gone and dont think i will ever see it again. hate hearing everyone say got to hang in there things will get better you can beat this it easy for them to say they dont have the cancer in them i do!!! i hate waking up everday going for treatment feeling sick and know that my time is coming not faitr at all so i truly think it would be better to end it and just be done with this i have had it!!!!!!
You're not in a good way, are you Kathy.
I must admit, if I ever had cancer, I would really way up the benefits of treatment (slash, burn & poison - surgery, chemo & pills) against the pitfalls and as you say, if you last 5 or more years, then you have survived according to the medical profession. But at what quality of life.
I had a massive stroke a couple of years ago and that really changed my outlook on life. I recovered almost fully, but I caught a glimpse of what it might be like, when I was in hospital for two months if I hadn't have recovered.
The 'hang in there thing', is because they do not understand. When I was recovering at home from my stroke (I live in a village) I got heartly sick of people coming up to me with a smile on their face saying 'how are you'.
Not bloody well, how would you feel if you were in my position, was the thought.
Ultimately it's your choice and it's one only you can make. To be honest I haven't a clue what I would do in your circumstances and do feel for you. Ok you are young to die and we all know people with the most unhealthy habits living a very long life. But on the other side of the coin children and young people die of cancer all the time so at least you have had a longer life than them.
I presume that the chemo and radiation will stop soon? I figure the idea is to shrink the tumour enough to give you remission at least for a while. If this is the case then hopefully you will feel quite a lot better and maybe for a few years? I know a maximum of 25% of people live for 5 years or longer but maybe you will be one of those? The odds are against you I admit but you never know.
I have a friend who was diagnosed with terminal non hodginsons lymphoma who after treatment is still going strong 7 years on. I didn't know what to say to her but did ask her how she wanted to be treated. She said immediately to please to treat her like normal as that's what she wanted. Maybe you could have a word with family and friends and ask for that too?
Wishing you all the best. xx
I also wish I am dead. I do envy people died of cancer. I too upset I lost hope and no confident to start over career again because I was sabotage by someone.