I grew up in foster care I was molested when I was little and then again when I was fourteen "brandy made him randy" was his favourite saying. And then when I was sixteen I was raped all I've known of men is that they will use you and once there done and had there fill will leave. On mothers day my daughter told me that my ex has been abusing her we went to the police and she had exams and interviews and was so brace. I feel like it's my fault well it is. I must attract this kind of thing and now it's hurt the one person in my life I can say I love and truly mean it. I sat last night looking at all my anti depressants painkillers etc and thought maybe I should just take them all maybe I shouldn't be in anyone's life as all I do is cause pain and bring misery. I have to fight just to get out of bed every day and have to put a face on to hide it all. I'm so tired of it all I just want to curl up and disappear but I can't.
You poor sxx! DON'T let them win. It has been 25 since I was raped then it happened AGAIN 6 years later via someone else. At 44 it's taken until 43 to shout help. I couldn't take ANY more. My first rape couselling session I was physically sick before I went and then couldn't speak, terrified is an understatement! I cried half the session and felt like not going back. It took 18 sessions before I REALLY opened up and this time I admitted most of what had happened with tears STREAMING down my face, I had 3 flashbacks and panic attacks one after the other. That was RAPE CRISIS, they were utterly brilliant, but cut me off 6 sessions later. I have spent 10 weeks with nothing again but meet my new counsellor on Friday, yet again I'm petrified, I'll have to start again and it scares me. I'm doing this for me the fear NEEDS to stop my husband and I have wanted children for 4 years and after every time we're denied I'll still blame myself for being raped, I think I'm a bad person for allowing this to happen, it brings tears to my eyes. Sorry for long post, I don't mind you posting to me.xx
Oops 25 years!
I keep having nightmares and I feel so guilty my daughter needs me and I'm so stuck in my own head space. I only told my previous boyfriends about it because I have scar tissue from when I was raped and if they caught me a certain way I tear open I never told anyone else. My ex the one that abused my daughter he knew about this I trusted him we were friends even after we split and it's all my fault. I should have seen something or anything I've been there I know the signs how could I be so blind. And my daughter she puts me to shame and makes me proud all at the same time I never came forward, she has been brace and gone through all of it and I feel so selfish because my brain has taken me right back to when I was little what is wrong with me
Give yourself a breathe. As cliche as it sounds things will get better. I have to battle obsessions almost every day that would drive most people up the wall anyone will tell you how bad Pure O can be but i hung in there and there were days where I was close to thinking of ending it I mean I was there but I hung in there and four months later I see the clouds lifting. Stay strong. Take it day by day. Find something positive every day and focus on it. Start new hobbies, just go outside lay in the grass and see the other side of life how beautiful it is and how beautiful you are this is a community of people with different hurdles and battles including yours and we're here for you and you can message me personally anytime
Are you currently seeing a therapist, someone you can talk to outside of a psychiatrist
I'm waiting to hear from stepping stones. I don't have anyone I can talk to my mum has skitsophrinia and I'm meant to be the strong one what a joke right. The case hasn't even gone to Cps yet and I need help.
I know some therapist who can do therapy online I can message you them they've helped so many people
I know hotlines you can call that will talk with you for free and as long as you want and help you also find therapist near you without waiting for weeks
Do you live in or outside of the U.S. ?
U.K. Wales
Ok I'm going to message you
While I'm working on this does anyone else know of anyone
Johannah, it's amazing to me that you've managed to keep going at all. Your daughter is not the only brave one in all this. It may seem like the hardest thing in the world, but there are people who can help. Please do make that one last push to maybe call The Survivors Trust in Wales 01495 742052) or your local Mind, or NHS 111. You do NOT 'cause pain and misery'. Others have done that to you and the time has come for you to heal from their abuse and get back to being the loving mother you've always been - only now with the chance to prioritise your and your daughters interests over those of others. I wish you the all the best!