hello im ricky im 30 and from essex i dont really know what to say, i never thought i would be writing anything about this in my life,
about 3 months ago i was having problems with my memory and not being able to stay awake, i went to the doctor and told him everything that has been happening to me which i've tried to ignore but has taken its tole,
ive become very paranoid and angressive but the worst is looking is in the mirror at someone else and seeing things move which sends me into a crying/laughing fit, the feeling that somethings gonna happen and that everything isn't really like im in a game .resendly i've been fine be i have relied that its when im upset or stressed out im switch to a rude emotionless arsehole then i get the feeling that somethings in my head and i start going mad , i normally look at the mirror for about 10mins looking at this man getting angry at him , then i start spacing out till i calm down again, im on citalopram 20mg which help but im not sure it stops the problem , i hate this in my life it started after a loss and the feeling started that im not aloud to be happy, thanks ricky
Hi Ricky,
sorry to hear your not feeling great and I do suggest another visit to your GP. I am not a doctor or therapist but I would suggest that you start a journal or diary of your feelings and emotions, you may spot certain things that trigger your symptoms and it will also help you work through any emotional issues that you might be trying to suppress. I would also suggest doing relaxation exercises such as yoga or meditation to help you control your emotions and help you relax, also look into mindfullness which is very good. Don't beat yourself up though, you wouldn't blame yourself if you had a broken arm and needed help tying your shoes so don't blame yourself because your ailment is unseen. You are strong and can get through this, lots of people on here suffer and we all keep on the journey, I've been on mine 30 years. Let me know what you think and stay in touch.
David
Hi Ricky,
Well done for finding this forum and sharing your experience here. I can relate to staring in the mirror and just not being happy or recognising the person who is looking back at me. I sometimes feel as if I am in the middle of a life-size game, that not-quite-connected-to-reality feeling. David's suggestions of keeping track of your thoughts and feelings, and finding out about mindfulness are spot on - mindfulness has helped me alot. See if your GP can refer you for some talking therapy - just voicing how you are feeling and these strange thought processes can help you cope while you are re-finding yourself. Don't give up hope. Just take things one day at a time, go with the flow and take all the help available to you. Let us know how you get on. You'll always find friendly support here when you need it. All the best!
Digsby
You don't say how long you have been taking the anti depressant. If it is longer than a couple of months, then it may not be working for you. Some anti depressants will help one person and not another, so it is a matter of finding the one that helps you.
How about going back to doctor and telling him this. Anti depressants will not cure depression as such, but should help you cope with things a lot easier.
We have all been where you are now, so |I am glad you found us because we support each other a lot. I hated myself just like you do, thought I had turned into someone else. Depression gives us very low esteem and changes our way of thinking. I am very sorry you are feeling the way you do, but with the right anti depressant you should feel a lot better.
Take care and keep in touch