I've been fighting with depression and anxiety for many many years, I've been on citalopram for over 8 years and I take 30mg.
I try to stay as positive as possible and encourage others who have been struggling. I know I am strong and I am always willing to help someone in need, problem is, I don't do it for myself. I've been to counselling, mental health appointments, done relaxation therapies, read many topics on it but still can't escape the dread and upset.
Every morning is a fight with myself to get up and either go to work or run about after other people. I don't have many friends left that I actually socialise with because over the years when I haven't been strong, they can't handle it, they treat me like I'm being silly or talk down to me and make me feel worse (not actually sure if they realise they are doing it) so really, I've got 1 or 2 people who understand me, problem is, they struggle with the same demons so I don't feel I can add pressure to them by telling them how I feel. So again, I'm left myself trying to deal with the pressure of everyday life. I know I couldn't kill myself (tried and failed a couple of times and also recently saved my friend from an OD) but I'm exhausted with feeling like this and fighting to stay in control of my reactions and emotions is so hard.