I am tired of living with a blank mind,not being able to feel real emotions and empathy. Depression probably find isn't the right forum because I feel like my issues stem from having seizures at a young age. I contplated suicide so many times, and the thought still occurs from just about anything. Seeing how others can socialize and actually remember things. Triggers it the most. People care about me, but my existence shouldn't be just on them. Because I can't really consider people my friends since I don't offer anything but a dead presence. Honestly I see it as, they live just fine not knowing a damn thing about me. So what makes the difference if im dead. They will keep living, and move on.
rich,
this could be strange to hear...but i am so familiar with your feelings. even though we have opposite problems. you have difficulty not being able to feel real emotions and empathy, and i am empathic and cannot quiet the concerns and emotions that other people have. i find it near impossible to not be affected by their thoughts. and to release any pain in my body with speaking to others is always a problem with the 4 people closest to me. i guess they act like they care for me just to be polite. but its not polite because it's obvious they dont want to hear anything about how i am feeling. people are constantly talking over me. or simply walking away. i really feel like such a burden on my family and boyfriend.
i have brain damage from shock treatment done years ago. so, how you saw "how others can socialize and actually remember things" makes ME sick to my heart because i cant do that. so when i am rejected everytime i want to share myself to them, i decide to try so very hard to keep things to myself. and keeping a crazy world inside is consuming me. i am not really thrilled to be alive. and i dont have plans to commit suicide. i think with the amount of meds i take for my body, and the small amount of alchohol i have everyday...could grow into something big and dangerous some day. and overdosing is possible when the time is right. it should just happen naturally.
and, yes i'm in therapy and have told my feelings to my family...and things just dont change. i am tired of living too.
Its kinda funny how we want what the other feels, because we think it will make us happier. But you seriously sound just like me. People that do not struggle with it can't understand, and the rest don't want extra problems. It doesn't make us narcissistic that we mostly talk about our issues. We just want to feel that thing called "life". I've considered medicine, it might help with depression but not the rest. I feel for you. Because knowing someone else is dealing with the same social\memory issues sucks. May I ask if your stuck in an imagination made world? Because I am, mostly of killing myself or being back with my ex gf. Which makes everything even more counter productive
i wonder. i may be in an imaginary world. i keep thinking that things happen for a reason. my tradgedy has happened so i can learn how to overcome, and eventually guide others going through the same thing. i say to myself,"that's got to happen!" but it hasn't happened yet. and its been a very long time. i try to just get through each day the way it is. it hurts too much, and there is so much disapointment in writing those self affirmations. year after year..."my brain is healing, and my destiny will be rewarding, and healing, because i am a gifted person." what?.....i dont think so! i was a dreamer. and i believe in things. but now i am a realist who wants to just be content with what i've got.
i am sorry if you are suffering too. and i hope you meet a better gf than your ex. never know. right?
Boy, tired of living, I feel your pain! Just over a day ago I wrote here as I was going to do myself in. I was leaving our town, and had two plans in place. I was given some great advice, but what I did find, was the empathy, the carrying and compassion of the people who wrote. I am here today and can't thank them enough.
Unlike you, my mind couldn't stop racing all over the place.
Depressive symptoms come in all shapes, numbers, degrees, etc., etc..
What you wrote certainly sounds like you are depressed. I would be worried if you were out killing pets and all that beautiful stuff that goes on in this world.
Do you have a doctor who you are able to sit down with. Like me my friends, they are very limited. Your right, every one asks if there is anything I can help you with, call. I have called, and I always try appear bubbly on the outside, but killing myself on the inside. But, the big but, I am busy all through the the next two weeks, can you get someone else.
The advice I was given, helped because I felt like someone indeed care. I would love to have more friends, but I don't know how to go about it. I know I am rather introverted, but I can put on a fake fasaud for a little while. I tried to get an appointment for my G.P. and the only spot open is in three months. There are basically no psychiatrists in a 60 km. area. ZlS you can see, I am from Canada, eh!
I know this wasn't much, but if you have good mental health resources where you are, seek one or some out. You deserve a happy life. The best life ever!
Please let us know how you are doing.
Well its good to hear that you want to take your experience to help others. Counselors and therapist help with situations. But people that struggle can truly help others with the same issue. Yeah I feel you on trying to realize you have to go with what you have. Its the first step I suppose. Yes and no, because honestly I had drug issues which led to me lying because I had "friends" . k2 took a lot of what life I had away. Everyday I try to think of what life use to be, when I was able to feel a little. Though my memory has always been an issue.
That's great to hear! Even though I don't understand why suicide prevention is so pushed with people with cognitive damage. Being honest with my opinion. The world seems like it rejects people like this. But wants them alive.... Okay? How do you manage to act like an extrovert? Sounds like a nice trait. Im going to see a psychiatrist next week. I will try my best to remember to let you know how it goes.
Where I live, the mental health stigma has never been higher.
You can do this!
you know, i occasionally think of my past when things were great. i never thought i'd lose it. forever. i was a young, vibrant creative woman. i lived on my own, and loved my independence. until one day a nurse talked me into the ect treatments...she told me that it was safe, and that i wouldn't have to take medication anymore. i had no reason to not trust her. but life, up till that very moment was almost magical. i enjoyed it, and believed that things could only get better. thats not really a time i enjoy thinking about. i start to get angry. so like i mentioned earlier, i just try to be content with just getting through each day, one at a time. sounds so cliche.
earlier when i mentioned that perhaps you'd find another gf, it was just so it would help you forget about the first one. i didn't mean to imply she was bad or something like that. i hope you understand me! no one else does...hahaha.... good luck to you!
I often think like this Rich, except I have no one who really cares about me and specially not my issues. But I know that everyone has their own troubles by listening to other people problems. Most of us are too self absorbed in ourselves when suffering from depression (and I think you are despite what you say).
People wouldn't be friends with you unless they liked you you know so you ust be offering them more than a 'dead presence'. It;s your mind tricking you with negative thoughts.
I am 62 and have come to the conclusion that life is often sh*te and I don't expect too much from it. One day it won't be worth it - but you know what so far it has been on balance and I am mainly glad I didn't suceed in my suicide attempts. I have come to the conclusion that I probably won't do it now but I do hope my natural end isn't too long.
Not sure if this will help you much but just wanted to say that I understand where you ae coming from. x
Rich 32120 there are numerous forums on facebook that have people dealing with all sorts of problems. There is usually someone that will respond back to you shortly. Don't know if you are like me and stayed away from those forums for fear of lack of privacy. I would not put my real name on those and would create a seperate facebook page. I know the boards say that information is private. But I would not take that chance and leave myself open to someone getting into your page might be a neighbor or a coworker. Or those nasty little viruses getting into facebook and exposing all the forums you have signed up for using facebook. Take care and hang in there.
If you are Suicidal it is importand that you look for help
In the UK we would suggest you call NHS Emergency on 111, they will discuss your condition and triage then decide if you are at risk and take you to hospital and safety.
You can also go to A and E and again to safetey, the polic can also help if required
Talk to your GP he can assist with a treatment plan
BOB
Thank you, im just really nervous that from seizures at a young and being addicted to k2 for awhile. Really screwed my mind up.
Appreciate the advice, but anymore it is more of just a thought. Rather then an urge. If that makes sense. Counseling helped a bit with feeling depressed. My advice to you, is to stay away from k2\spice. I know I brought it up in a couple comments. But I can't help but push the issue, because it changes you as a person. And whatever feeling you have that's a burden, feels more empty or shallow. Almost soulless.
To be honest, Idk what I offer. Because I barely talk, and seldom work off what someone else says. The last part is so true. Deep down a lot of times I wish a freak accident would kill me. Or just something like that. So my exit isn't suicide. Its nice hearing from someone who has a life long experience. You can message me if you want.
It doesn't sound cliché, because its a real struggle. You went with an option that's suppose to speed up the progress, who can blame you. Ya know. Its just sad hearing about your experience.
Yeah I hear you with that, because who knows in the future we could hook o again or someone could be it for me. Im just going to take my time with therapy. Though going through 17 years with no real treatment puts me in a low chance of major improvement. Plus I can't shake the fact I was addicted to k2, it seems to have taken away most of what memory I had, so im in and out of depression from regret.
You sound like you were smart enough to avoid those options. So you have that to be happy about. Hopefully! ! Ha.
Hi Rich, I have been dealing with depression for the past 9-1/2 years. While, all my life I did have bouts of depression, nothing has ever been as bad as this. Rich, I am 57 years old, live in a wheelchair, and literally have no friends at all. When my mental issues got real bad, I was the one who isolated myself from the world. I have considered suicide so many damn times, simply because who would want to live the a dark hole inside them that is filled with sadness? Rich, if nothing else, I learned one very important thing. When I feel like ending it all, I simply say to myself "Not today, maybe tomorrow, but not today". This was told to me by someone who is much smarter than I could ever be, and it works. People like you and me must take everything one day at a time. If we try to overthink our lives, it overwhelms us and we feel worse.
Rich, to help your memory, you may want to start a journal. I had a TBI back in 1999, and my memory was a mess. Keeping a journal helped me to remember.
Please do not ever think that no one would miss you if you died. I promise you it is not true, and I know I would miss you terribly. Even though we do not know each other, perhaps, we could come become friends? I would be honored.
God Bless you Rich.
Hello rich
Like you my short term memory is shot. In my case it was caused by Opiates and ADs.
I understand you are younger than me and I feel sad that K2 has done to you. With me I had over six weeks of memory tests and scans to see if my condition was a Dementia, pleased to say it was not.
Generally I find typing seems to help me explain myself and that encourages me to explain myself in type. I do notice your typing is clear and crisp. With me however I have bad hands and I keep missing keys.
Sometimes I use the speech program and that helps me slow down my speech to a manageable pace and prevents me gaging or forgetting what I am saying. I found that pacing my speech helps me a great deal.
Just something small that will possibly help. I also find if someone talks to me I forget what they are talking about, so I sometimes when talking to people I write down certain key words that will help me remember what has been said. One thing that gets me upset is that I seem to stare into the either when in a group, people feel I am not listening and I have bad manners, it is not that it is just my consentration
All I can suggest is that you need to adapt to the problem you have. Yes I can understand what you may feel. Even when we have problems like this it becomes a( Lady Dog), See not swearing. and we need to adapt.
I know you may feel I am not very sensitive regards your needs. All I know is i now have problems to read as well picture books help as they can bring back intensive memories of holidays and past activities. We really need to live what we have, grief is such a negative feeling and is just so very negative in its outlook
All the best
BOB
I KNOW how you feel !!
Well thanks Bob for sharing your experience with me. It does help hearing from someone who has also suffered from making poor decisions. You sound like you have adapted well for your situation.
I completely know what you mean from people thinking I have bad manners. From just saying "yeah" or something short like that. Your advice about writing stuff down is interesting, but do you write it down after the conversation or during?