I have been on fluoxetine for over a week now. I was on Sertraline for 8 weeks prior, but I felt numb and flat, so my GP changed me to Fluoxetine. I have been depressed for such a long time, probably nearly 20 years and have only just done something about it. I am being referred to CBT therapy and my appointment is in January 2010.
Earlier in the week I went to my work Christmas party, was absolutely battered, came home, went to bed, got up to be sick and something clicked inside my head, I just wanted to die and wanted to kill myself..... It's a good job my husband was here. I was so uncontrollable and I just wanted my mum, at 1:30am my mum and dad started a 40 mile journey to come and see me, but I finally calmed down and fell asleep. The thing is, when I woke in the morning, I knew that if I had managed to get downstairs to get a knife, I would have done it - and that really scares me....
My husband is so supportive, but I do think that I need professional help, because I am not coping and keep having horrible thoughts about doing stuff to myself. However, my husband is out of work and if I don't work, I don't get paid and we have no money to pay the bills.... I just don't know what to do..... :cry:
You have already answered your own question - you need professional help.
I sympathise with your point of being the person who earns the money but if you carry on like this you wont be there to earn any money and your family will be mourning your loss. I'm sure your family would never forgive themselves if they knew this was the only reason you were holding back.
I don't want to sound harsh but seriously you must get the help that is out there for you. You are half-way there as you acknowledge that you need it, just take the extra step and ask for it quicker - clearly January 2010 isn't going to be soon enough.
Good luck
Sandra
It sounds as though you are at the point of a breakdown, you have been amazing to have hung on like this for so long but you must now get help, fast.
Depression can be controlled really well and the doctor and mental health team will be able to help you. Keep talking to people on here - your body is telling you something, please listen to it - all the other life stuff is unimportant. When you have depression all worries turn in to mountains, it's normal to feel like that with this condition but there is hope.
Thinking of you and saying a prayer x
I just wanted to update on my past week.... I've had a really good week. Last Thursday night - i.e. the night when I felt suicidal was awful. I found out earlier this week, that I had more to drink than I thought - I think around 15 odd shots, plus wine and vodka and then plus Fluoxetine - not a great mix.
I spoke to my counsellor and she said that I need to think about the fact that I'm still here and that it's okay to have a social drink - but NOT to ever binge drink.
This week has been a good week - whether this is because the magic of Christmas is in the air, or because the tablets are working. But I am beginning to feel like my old self - not high on life - but just the normal me - which is a nice feeling. I know I've only been on fluoxetine for a couple of weeks, and I have no doubt that I will be on them for many months to come - because I know I have issues. But life is good at the moment. I have my CBT assessment in January and need to keep positive for me and my husband.
Thank you to you both for your responses - it's lovely to know there are people out there that care.
Take care and have a lovely Christmas. xx :D