In Recovery Anorexic, Sick with Something New Every Week?

Mental health
1

Hi, I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place, so I'm sorry. But I'm kinda desperate at this point. 

Some background:

I've been anorexic since I was 8, I'll be 19 in less than a week, but it got very serious when I was 16. I'm 5'2 and weighed 60 pounds. I couldn't walk, was in the hospital for half a year, got my period back, and got back to a healthy weight. Went home, lost nearly all the weight, started the process again. Was warned by doctors that my reproductive tract was failing so I may never be able to have children. Got back up to a normal weight. Went home. Never got that serious again, but stayed at a weight just a little under what they wanted me to be, kind of as a terrible act of rebellion. 

Fastfoward to me at 18. About a week ago I ended a physically, emotionally, and finacially abusive relationship. So I'm stressed. Growing up, the only thing I would ever really get sick with was strep, maybe once every couple of months. For the past six or seven months, I've been getting sick with something new at least once a week. 

It started out to be UTI's that were very bad, I would pee so much blood I'd get sent to the ER at least once a month for them. I thought they were becasue I was sexually active, but I'm still getting them. I've also started getting horrible stomach bugs, and strep again. I've never had any kind of congestion ever and now it's always present. I'm always zoned out, I can't focus on anything. There is no way I'll be able to hold down a normal job with how I feel every day. 

I also have OCD and Manic Depression, if that means anything. But they're both under control, and I don't know how that would affect anything. My eating has gotten pretty slack recently and I've lost maybe 5-10 punds in two weeks. I don't weigh myself, so I can't tell you what my normal weight is. I also have attempted to OD twice in the past four months due to the relationship I was in, so maybe that hurt me pretty bad. One time I did not seek medical attention, and stayed at home for a week while I vomited up everything in my body. 

I'm at the end of my rope. As soon as one thing starts to feel better, I can feel something else coming on. I never feel present. I can't stand doctors due to some things that happened in the hospital. Is my immune system screwed forever because of my anorexic tendencies? I've never purged or binged. Please help. I want a normal life again. 

 

2

I'm sorry to hear this - it sounds like you've been through a horrible time.

Firstly, you do need to focus on getting to your target weight to recover properly because it's very easy when you have a difficult event to have the "just a bit less" attitude, and we with anorexia never know when to stop. 

I don't know how underweight you are, but when you are at a lower weight your body is still fighting so certain systems will be compromised such as your immune system. 

Once you are eating enough and are at a healthy weight your systems will start to fix themselves because they have the energy. My metabolism is a great example because it's only just starting to recover (which I am so thankful for because it means I can branch out with what I'm eating!).

Stress also has a massive impact on being ill. People often don't realise that things like stress and insomnia can really make you unwell physically. This is probably why you are zoned out. Stress can give you brain fog e.g. the other day some thing happened and I found myself unable to have focus at work. One of the things which will help is doing mindfulness as that helps to uncloud your brain and has been proven to work. There are some good free apps out there e.g. headspace which you can download.

If you are having issues like UTIs it's absolutely essential that you see a doctor, these can become far more serious if left untreated including things like kidney failure. If you're struggling with one doctor you can always request to see another at your surgery or register with another surgery. 

It sounds like you might need some therapy so your doctor can refer you. In lots of areas you can self-refer now for therapy. It seems like there are a number of things that you need coping strategies for.

I also really recommend speaking to the Beat Helpline, which is open every day of the year 4pm - 10pm. This is free to call. There are also some excellent resources, including a guidance leaflet for GP appointments. ​

Hope this is helpful. Stay strong. I'm 28 and have suffered since the age of 11, but I am winning and know I'm nearly there. If i can, so can you

 

3

Hi! Thank you so much for being so kind to me. Things have been getting better and Im nearly at the weight I'm supposed to be at naturally- I'm pretty sure. I still don't weigh myself. The UTI's are gone cause I took cranberry pills, and the abusive ex is nowhere near me so I'll be okay. Thank you so much, this made me smile.

4

No worries at all. I'm glad you're starting to make some positive changes. Remember these things all take time and you may well have difficult days quite frequently. This is normal but with each day you fight the easier it gets. It is possible, I'm doing so well that I'm now seeing my dietitian every other month. I am actually weighing myself daily at present because I'm trying to allow myself to accept fluctuations. I wouldn't recommend doing this until you've been at your target weight band for a while. It's allowed me to have confidence to give myself nice treats e.g. when it was really warm I allowed myself ice cream or some of those nice costa frappacinos (and found that the next day my weight didn't balloon up, on two occasions it went down and on some other occasions it went up. This could have been due to a number of things e.g. activity, type of food I ate - lentils and pulses delicious though they are can cause some bloating, so not related to the icecream - you get my point).

I can completely relate to your experience of being around difficult people. I recently bought a house but prior to that was housesharing. Without going in to loads of detail I was really happy there until last summer, when two friends came in after a couple of others moved on and these two were best friends for many years. They ganged up on me constantly, were rude, aggressive and I really suffered. It just goes to show how much of an impact people can have so you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It was an enormous sense of relief when my replacement had finally moved in and I could cut them out for good.

Having a support network is really important. If you're able to, keep speaking with your family and close friends. You'll be able to talk more freely when you are having a bad day. As mentioned before Beat run free confidential helplines and also various online support groups and forums (all moderated).

Keep going