Hi everyone,
My first post on the site - bit of a long one.
For the past 6 months I’ve been seeing a therapist for my anxiety - she suspects I have GAD due to the range of things I frequently worry about. My progress has been great and I suspect most of my issues are due to the situation around Covid-19 and having too much time to think.
During the last 6 months I’ve had a range of anxiety issues from thinking there was a severe issue with my leg to some paranoia. All of which have come and gone quite quickly.
One topic which has remained is how I feel about my relationship. There have been moments where I’ve had clear relationship OCD and have been worrying about whether I love my GF, which initially made me feel very lost and extremely sad only to realise I clearly did, hence my worry. (Over past year I’ve also strongly thought about proposing at somepoint in the future too - even know the type of ring i’d buy).
Since then though (two or so months) I’ve gradually moved towards the feeling that I want to be single. Despite thinking its what I want its also causing me a huge amount of distress because I’m simply not sure its true.
I don’t want to be impulsive and I’ve told myself to see what happens over the next few months but its causing me a lot of distress because I feel guilty that I’m keeping something to myself and that I’m lying everyday - all of which has left me putting quite a bit less effort into my relationship.
I think this all began when i realised my girlfriend perhaps didn’t want kids. Some of my friends have had them recently and I’ve really come round to the idea. I’m not sure whether its a societal pressure I feel to be with someone more aligned with that thinking.
I realise i probably should talk to my girlfriend and perhaps get some relationship counselling.
Ultimately I’m just extremely sad and confused by the situation and would hate to make the wrong decision. Our partners bare the burden alongside us and I’d hate to stress her out.
Thanks,
K