Thanks Mary;
I just looked it up on EBAY.
I was very messy this morning like yesterday and now we have 12 days before we could be made homeless here with no where to go too if this is to happen.
I was with an appointment yesterday with a organziation called PACE who I was referred to by another UK Org called Gallop.
I arrived to the Assessment Appointment feeling very unwell and we didnt get through the first 10 minutes without an anxiety attack deveolping, the Advocate assessing me called her Manager into the room, I was screwed up in a chair and froze with painful cries .
The Mgr happened to practice Yoga and for the next 20 minutes both sat with me until my breathing became stable.
My nose was bleeding during this time as well.
They have assured me I can now have the support of an Advocate for the Housing Eviction Trial in 12 days time.
I walked out of thier office next to Euston station and again became so unwell and unable to see in front of me, an ambulance was called and they took me to (hell ) the A+E at the Royal Free Hospital.
I was seen to by a PYsc Nurse who wasnt talking to me she had a very loud voice that was half shouting at me and asking questions like What can I do for you , this affected me and I began to go into more anxiety and was in tears.
I walked out but was conned into returning after I walked to my HIV clinic to see the nurses there.
I returned and layed still in this very noisy environment which was like peak hour at Picadilly Circus.
I was unable to talk normally instead was highly agitated and begun to spit the words out of my mouth , her reply was I need to go to my GP and request the meds I should be on.
My body was in pain everywhere and she then insisted I stay for the same routine check over by the A=E doctors.
I walked out and came home.
Since then I doped myself out and slep till 11am .
the phone rang around 12 noon it was the Psyc Dr who had assessed me last week in order to attempt to gain some support through a mental health Social Worker, she went on to say that this would not be happening but she suggested she have me return to other recomended Pysc Drs for on going sessions as she believed I have a regular pattern of falling into confromtation with people.
I stopped her there as she wasnt speaking or dealing with what I know to be true and have been diagnosed with being Acute Anxiety, I questioned her how am i suppose to cope with these severe attacks (8 in the past 10 days) , She then got angry with me and threatened to put the phone down on me as she claimed I was again being confrontational with her.
I reminded her that i was not raising my voice I was trying to stay calm and ask her how i am meant to cope through a day at a time without the support I have been told would help me.
She then hung up on me.
I began to shake again and felt very alone .
I am to by a good samaritan in there, why am I looking for a Social worker, what I need is to seek alternative therpies to enable me to work with this issue os anxiety without the support of the mental health which has and will continue to ignore the crux of our anxiety needs.
I feel so let down by mental health when I have spent hours giving them very personal information about me that I am treated in a way that I do not feel valued by the professional world.
Apart from my HIV Consultant and the 2 previous Gps that i had once had, now left.
My GPs clinic cant hold regular doctors so I am finding it hard to even obtain the meds that assist me to calm down.
My plan now I have worn off the drugs from last night and this morning is to seek outside help far away from any mental health worker.
I feel we have been left out of the govt care policy and left to handle things for ourselves.
This is a true refelction of the western world today.
I will be looking at getting a medical practitioner with the support of the new Advocate from Pace to right to the court and say I am not well enough to appear on the 12th of May in the trial where my fate and my cares fate will lay.
I cant see without me being there I hold much chance to defend myself however we do have an excellent Barrister thanaks to the young inexperienced solicitor i was able to get through legal aid.
My immediate problems lays with eating as I have almost stopped and am feeling very unwell.
Without money right now this too is a whole other issue I am dealing with.
But I am here and doing my best to stay above the issues
I plan to dope myself up again tonight so I can rest and get some sleep.
Tomoorow is a whole nother day.
I will def look into the book you recomend and when I am payed next tuesday may even be able to strecth the budget to purchase it.
Thanks
and Hugs
PJ