It feels kinda weird writing about it, and I feel like I'm writing about something really obvious or just stupid, but I'd like to say sorry from the begging if what I'm about is all just bull.
So, don't know where to start, maybe cause I don't even remember where it's all began, but let's say I've always been this kind of kid who wouldn't play with others - in my case it was because since I was five I started my music education, I was all about notes and playing Mozart while everybody else would play lego. I used to like it. Then, as I was getting older it became harder, there was lots of problems around me, and I started to self harm. I never done anything about it because I didn't want to dissapoint anybody. Few years later I moved from my country, I was really bad at the time and thought If I chase my dreams I will find my way out of it. Nothing got better and then now I'm still feeling the same way, but one thing that've changed is that before I was thinking a lot about suicide, and now I don't even care it's like I can't push myself to care about anything, but at the same time I care too much I can't sleep. I feel like I don't belong to this reality, Im brave and I can deal with all my fears but I feel like it's killing me and I feel like I became so dumb inside. On one side I go to work and college and it's all fine, but on second side I never talk to people simply cause I think they see me as just stupid, ugly person who shouldn't be here. It's hard to explain. But I hope somebody will see what I mean. Also Im really young, but I don't have any family, and cause I've been moving a lot I don't have any close friends. And there goes my question what should I do? I'm young and I know I have potential, but I'm so tired of this and I just can't keep going anymore. Should I go to a doctor? Or maybe there're other ways to help it? Or maybe I'm putting here too much drama and it's all normal and I'm just weak?
I'm sorry for writing so much and I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. I don't feel like anything does. Thanks for riding and time.
My advice is to go to the docs asap for sure . You dont have to live your life witb this and im 100 % sure you can get better when you organise and rationlise your thoughts.you will need some help but the only wway is up from here so get to the docs . You may need meds but dont be scared there is help out there wish u all the best
Hi Zara, first of all, nothing is bull, this a problem, which matters to you therefore it's important, so don't be afraid to talk about how you feel!
I promise you won't be disappointing anybody, if anything they would be concerned that you aren't happy.
Dont forget your dreams, they will help you push through this time, have you got somebody you trust you can talk to about this, don't be afraid, they will most likely do anything they can to help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know about this, you could ring Samaritans for advice, their number is 116 123 (thats if you're in the UK) and its free and they are available 24hours a day 365 days a year. As soon as you reach out for help it will already be progress to getting better.
Im sure your friends don't see you that way, you sound like a clever person to me, being able to read music is a great skill to have!
I do advise that you see a doctor, they will be able to give you more advice on tips on how to beat these horrible feelings.
It's not drama at all, so don't be apologetic about it. You are not weak at all, just by posting on here is showing how brave you are, its the first step you have taken to getting help.
I hope you get on the road to recovery soon, don't feel alone because there are lots of people that will be willing to help you, as soon as you branch out and tell someone how you feel you will be able to move foward.
Hi Zara, you're doing a lot on your own, probably because you're used to it, but it definitely sounds like time to find someone who can help you with your problems. You shouldn't be suffering from this any longer. You're not making any drama, I think there is a real issue which needs to be solved.
Life will get much more pleasant if you can speak to someone who you can trust, and who can treat your problems. Ask your GP if he/she can refer you to a counselor/psychotherapist soon, you can't solve this on your own.