Hello again folks, back again with another concern. My son 19 at college and doing well, its his first year, kids are at school till 18 here in Ireland. He has never really been sport mad, like myself, but he did do rugby for a few years,a bit boxing and was also on the local tug of war team till 2 years ago
But while this was going on his passion was his computers, fixing them making them better and faster, for himself and other people. However the last 18 months he is in his room, constantly when hes not in college and the occational day that he would go out. Playing war games online, mostly with some college work, but mostly games. All the shouting and swearing, that goes with it while playing them, I have played games myself and understand they can be frustrating.
I know he,s only 19, he does have a girlfriend, and when she comes around they spend the entire weekend in his room, watching videos and more games i suspect.
I dont know, I just dont want him to lose out on mixing with people , I was never good at mixing and dont want him to be the same way.
Some of us are very gregarious and some are not. My parents tried to make me more gregarious but had not the least success. I did not like those ill fated forrays to find new friends. I understood and respected my parents' purpose.
i have a few friends and I meet them from time to time. I enjoy their company. Yet I do not wish to pack my week with such meetings. I suspect this pattern is not unlike your own. Add a multipurpose tool to that pattern and you probably have your son.
well its great that he has the type of brain that likes to fix things and does .thats a positive .
and good that he goes to colleage that is a positve as well so many skip colleage and school.
but when his playing the games and getting frustrated that isent good long term this will cause stess chemicals to be released into the blood stream and over a long period could cause health problems such as fatigue imune disorders and depression .
the body needs rest periods and breaks . look at writer's or entertaners if they work for to long at what they do they become exhasted and ill .
my son is Aspergers so used to get obbsessed with games and swearing and screaming at the screan was awful ,i removed the plug from the console , untill he had calmed down for a w eek or two and had a break . then i put it back that solevd the problem for me .
,but i gues if your son can fix computers he can put a plug back on. if you brought the console and tv . sorry but i'd remove them for a couple of weeks .of course if he brought them it dosent leave you with that option .
Yes unfortunately violent computer games are the new lethal drug, as Tiswas says it releases endorphins in the brain, like heroin! My son's the same and he's off the scale intelligent. He has no idea what's happening in the 'real' world and the danger he's in. No amount of me talking to him makes a difference.
No George, I didn't buy him a computer or an x box, his grandma did and he changed from a teen who liked playing football, he was good in goal, riding his skateboard and riding his BMX pushbike, and having a few girlfriends to someone who never goes out, to this day.
He's 24 now and he's been so sucked into that gaming black hole it's impossible for me to get him out of it.
Christmas 2 years ago we got him a computer, fairly powerful one as he is into 3D grafix design, the same area he doing at college now, and he's was good at it, his school was singing his praises too. However shortly after getting the new PC the games came, now he has had other consoles in the past, but he was never so intense on it and he has just got himself a new laptop, which is why Im worried it will get out of hand, if we dont put some restrictions in place and some structure
is there anything you can do together away from the home like father and son bonding stuff .that would be another out let .
the more you veiw violence the more it becomes normal and exceptable
behavouier . some people cant shut it out and eventuly it laspes in to reality . i like to think that i am normal , i dont like violence or cruility ,if i watch anything on tv with violence or cruility ,it will replay in mind causing me problems with sleep .
how ever i am aware of this so hence i do not watch anything i find disturbing . some people have peer presure to deel with ,or are unaware that it effects them. this can be a possiable dangerous position.
i am thought old fashioned i no , but in my dads house his rules were abided by and i brought my kids up the same way . . .sometimes you have to set boundries and be unpopular . i was often but my three havn't turned out to bad .not perfect ,
but no un wanted babies, no crimal offences, and no bullying, or drug /alchol related problems . and i think in this day and age thats pretty good .
That's what I'm so terrified about tis. When my mum bought him an x box it's like she took my son away. He still a gentle person but it's like he's so far away from me now.
If only I knew then what I know now, He,s a good kid, like yours never been a problem and maybe Im making a mountain out of a mole hill. We were never strict with the kids, never hit them, wanted be a more light hearted parents, and for the most part its worked. Just this reluctance to cut down on the game time when he,s home.
I should add Im just coming through a bout of depression and questioning alot of the choices I made
i never had to smack my kids either ,they knew what i said i meant .so never had to result to smacking
i was a single parent for many years and had to be the tough guy as well as mum sometimes . i was also dealing with depression but caused by a condition that wasnt diognosed until much later ,so no help there .
i dont believe in trendy parents and parents being there kids mate , they have there mates we are supposed to be the teachers . sorry if this is coming across wrong its not meant to be .
but i never allowed my girls to sleep with there boyfriend in my house thats not to say they didnt sleep with there boyfriends just not under my roof with my permission . i think people fall inand out of relationships to easley these days .they wait for nothing and not encoureged to . .my opioion only
i hope you sort this out i am sure his a good lad at heart .but he has to live in the reall world ..
i wonder how keen people would be if they had to face a real battle like young lads of 16/17 in ww2 why are they all so obsessed with killing if they had to do it for real would they be so keen . its wrong to make a game out of war and suffering .
i hate what iv read about ground theft auto to rapes murder are not games to people who have sufferd only this week a story in the paper of a boy and his girl friend hacked his step sister to death and cut of all her limbs . i know horrifc murders have always happened but they were world wide news now there just chip paper .
yes i see your fix it was wrong of your mum to do so .
i am glad my son dosent like those kind of games
he likes puzzles and such. if he did like them he wouldnt be playing them in my house i can assure you .i know yours dosent live with you ,
there are so many parents that allow there underage kids to play these games .its frieghting . i know someone who lets there 11 yr old play grand theft auto .and worse .
Ok addiction, I agree but I've had addictions, bad ones and the more my mum tried to stop me the worse I got. With addictions we have to do it for ourselves. I've tried different strategies like buying him an electric guitar because he likes metal music but that didn't even work.
I actually think that the drug addiction I used to have isn't as bad as his war game addiction because at least I was out in the sunshine every day, had loads of friends and was running around.
My parents were total nasty control freaks, could have been role models for politicians. My son likes me being his mate, there's much more love between us. I am tough and motherly when I need to be but mostly what he wants from me is understanding.
its one of the biggest causes for people siting divorce apparently . coming just under violence and cruelity . and i have heard of kids getting councilling for it .
i am sure you done your best i was just lucky my son only likesd games like mario kart .etc . but seriously if he had have had aliking for violent games the plug would have been removed ,if talking about it didnt sort it out .