I'm 19 and I've suffered with depression and anxiety for many years but 2 weeks ago attempted suicide. I'm on fluoxetine and propanalol (having changed from mirt) and although that 'stabilises me' to a certain extent I can't help budge the feeling that there's something else there. Up until a month ago I would be very manic and happy and excited and then within a few hours, would hit lowest of low and scream for hours. That was my routine 'breakdowns'. That seems to have subsided but for a while now I sometimes wake up and don't recognise my own room or sometimes don't recognise the train station I've been using for years. I feel like my thought process has been physically grabbed away from me and I barely function enough to carry out day to day activities. Doctors have recently expressed that I don't make much sense when I'm trying to talk and I often contradict myself but I don't see it, but now my parents have expressed that I do it. I cry at very random times when I'm not even upset and act like an emotionless drone when I am sad.
Very recently though (excuse the cliche phrase) I hear voices. Not voices that tell me to do things but muffled talking (like somebody in the next room) and I can't make out what they're saying but it's clear as day. I've become very paranoid and I believe cars are following me (I ran for a mile on the way to the shops because I was certain a car was stalking me). I'm having a very hard time getting doctors to listen to me as they say I don't communicate well
Hi caitlin in sorry you feel like this! At times of stress our minds can go into overdrive and cause symtpoms that your experiencing such as confusion, paranoia and even experiencing hallucinations. Ive just posted a thread about how paranoid ive been feeling recently and im driving myself crazy! I too feel like I contradict myself a lot because im constantly overanalysing how I think and feel and it makes me get all confused! Although you say the medications working it doesnt sound like it is working enough at this stage because you're so distressed. How long have you been taking it for?
It night be helpful to write down these symptoms and thoughts you're having an take them with you to your next appiintment. You can read over it before you go ans make sure it makes sense. Although I said its common to get these symptoms of paranoia and hallucinations when you're stressed im not a trained professional and its important they know about this so you can get the right treatment. I hope things start improving for you, I know its stressful when you dont find it easy to communicate how you feel in a way others can understand. Keep us updated and feel free to have a rant on here. Im always here to listen
You poor thing! No, that doesn't sound like standard depression. It could just be side-effects of the medicine; I know I've had terrifying ones in the past. On the other hand, being manic, happy and excited isn't a part of depression either- depression tends to creep up on you slowly over a long period of time, and you never really get above just ok. Have you discussed other diagnoses eg. bipolar disorder with your doctor? If you're being treated for the wrong thing that would definitely cause problems with the meds. Time to go back to your GP. I hope you get it resolved soon xxx
Thank you for your reply Jim, I'm having a hard time getting the two doctors I've seen to take me seriously. I had a great doc but he quit. Every time I bring something up they say 'oh so you think you're schizophrenic now huh?'- frustrating!
Hi Abi, thanks for your reply. It's really reassuring to see someone else dealing with this! Totally the same as you with the overanalysing. I feel like there's a million thoughts swirling around my brain every second, the important stuff becomes quite muddy! Been on it for a few months now, in a lot of ways it doesn't help but it seems to stop me from swinging from one emotion to the other so drastically.
Writing it down seems like a good idea, I like making lists etc as I think it organises my brain a bit better! Thank you very much for your helpful reply, such lovely people on this forum. Hope you are well too x
Hi Claudia! It's more so that I'm depressed overall and for most of the time and the manic, jumping and dancing around comes as part of an episode then I drop back down again. I've discussed personality disorders with my doctor and he seems to say that I dont classify under them because I don't do anything drastic when I'm on a manic high (shopping, gambling etc) so it's all quite confusing! Thank you so much, hope all is well with you xxx
u got to just hang in there an try meditating an just listen to the sound around u an think in ur mind "everyones here to help me" an then and the sound around u is people in the world maybe with bipolar or depressed are helping everyone. i meditate myself an after meditating i start to listen to my surroundings an it relaxs me i dont know if this might help but just try thinking people are helping me an if u listen to an peaceful world u will start to to become more relax but try it just once an see if u can notice that people know were upset an there trying to help us all peace