Is this depression? Or...?

Mental health
1

My depressive episodes are really weird. They sometimes last around 2 weeks (my best guess is around 13-18 days but my most recent episode lasted a month and a half) and during this time it's absolutely horrible. I'm super suicidal during those weeks and I won't be able to stop crying (I would cry anywhere and everywhere). I also won't be able to stop SI'ing and I get super scared of myself because I think that I might actually take my life. It got super bad at one point where I started hearing and seeing things (happened to me last year; not that recent though) and it was almost like another part of me was haunting me and telling me to kiill myself.

While I'm not depressed I feel ok-ish sad but I'm no longer crying and it's not interfering with my daily life anymore. But with this 'sadness' I get a lot of anxiety. But then sometimes at moments my mood randomly drops to depression and that lasts about maybe 2-3 days or so (maybe a bit more). Then after all this I'm finally in a more stable mood.

also another thing I should mention is that at the times I am happy I know I'm going to crash (relapse) big time. (this happiness is not mania though; more so like a normal happy).

I think I should also state that sometimes my depression is triggered by something but sometimes not. Also sometimes my depression doesn't happen every month. My 3 depressive episodes I had were quite close together (maybe a month gap inbetween where I felt stable). Right now it's been 2 months since I felt stable so I know I'm going to relapse soon; I just don't know when. I'm trying to find a pattern but so far I havent really noticed anything other than the fact that it happens every few months. 

So is this something i should be concerned about? or is this normal? Should i go and seek help? Thank you smile

2

As you have said when you have the

Episodes your scared you might harm your

Self I personally think that you should tell

Your GP, if your scared to say this to him/

Her you could show what you have written

Here.

You need to tell them everything.

Please take care, I will be thinking of you

Kate.

3

Hi, this sounds slightly atypical; it sounds as though you need some blood tests. It might be something as simple as balancing your thyroid or hormones. I would say definitely go and seek help, but also don't be concerned about what it is, because that will make you feel worse and it might be easily rectified. Wait til you have a diagnosis (from a doctor not a forum!) and some options. And as always, if you're not happy with the level of support from your doctor, change your doctor.

As for the anxiety, it builds on anxiety which makes the SI worse. When you get that feeling of being out of control you can ride it til it passes. Hard to explain, but you know it will pass, so instead of fighting it, which builds up the fear, you can become an onlooker, and let it flow through you without touching you like watching a film. It helps loads.  

4

HI get depressed and anxious every 3 months or so then I feel ok and happy for about 3 months dont know why it's so frequent and I feel quite Suicidal at times. Trying to get answerand might be border line bipolar but not sure yet.my heart goes out to you. Are you on medication?

5

Hi, I don't think it's Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar in my case because I don't have a fear of abandonment and neither do I get mania. I think that maybe these cycles are a Depression NOS...? I'm not quite sure. And no I am not on medication. I wish you well.