* Constant thoughts about life & death
* Being very analytical about life and making my self sad because of it for instance seeing all the human race as just animals
* Feeling all life is you're born you reproduce and then you get old and frail and you die!
* Having to remember every bit of information because im scared of losing my memory
* Feel like im in a different world
* Feel not in the moment
* Feeling trapped and like everythings not going to get better
sounds about right to me I hate to say it but it does
thanks mtm, it feels like hell 
Hello Paul and Mtm,
I would try to get a professional diagnosis, as it's always tempting to jump into things without full info. There are several diagnostic tools used for depressive illness and they would be used by your GP in assessing you. Meanwhile, Anything you can do to break out of the negative thought cycle will be good for you. Except drinking and other drugs, sorry. The more you think a thing, the more your head will go back there. All the best, David.
Yes, yes, yes. If you are normally not so reflective on this issue it probably is. I've been there more than I can count.
Yes, I have been/am being treated for depression. I thought the having to remember information thing was just me but is it strange to say I'm glad someone else has it too? I always thought it was me being kind of OCD. I used to keep a record of EVERYTHING. Even yesterday, I was in town and I saw a good few people I knew. I wanted to make a list of that so I wouldn't forget, even though it wasn't something I should have felt like I needed to remember. . .it's strange. I also don't like to delete photos even if they're nearly duplicates as I get indecisive about which one is better even though they're nearly exactly the same. I kept all of my diaries until I burnt them all recently. I used to want to be able to look them up in case I forgot when something happened. . . .I think the fear of forgetting something arose from other symptoms of depression which had lasted a long time, in varying degrees of depth. Poor memory, concentration and focus caused me to forget things and this in turn led me to document, record, make lists out of fear of forgetting or losing things.
Anyways, that was only one of your issues.
I have also felt the in a different world thing for me. I would describe it as being like someone watching my life rather than me living it. I have also had the thoughts about life and death and feeling trapped. . .
The great news is, you're not alone. For example, I have also felt this way. The better news is, things can only get better right? I think part of what makes it bad is believing you will feel like this forever. You don't have to. It's really hard but getting help from a doctor/therapist and getting support from your family and friends will really help. There's nothing worse than trying to deal with it all on your own and faking happiness out of fear of burdening people!
Please try to take a positive step by seeing a doctor or therapist or telling someone you can trust. Whichever feels most comfortable to you.
Best of luck with it! 
I think what you must do is think of the possibilities, let scientists tell it we are only here to reproduce and that is it, but this can't be true as some people can't even have kids. Why would God create people who can't produce? Many times when I feel like I'd rather be dead it is because I have listened to some stupid person who felt they knew everything there is to know. People are not Gods though they often act as such. It is up to each person to determine what life is. All you have to do is sit down everyday and determine that. Whatever it is simply accept it, even if others don't understand it. I honestly think as humans we all have our own indiviual universal language that we speak and this makes us all interpret the world differently. Thus we all should experience life different. The problem is that we take a popular belief of someone and make it universal. This is an impossibility as all our brains and neurons are wired differently. Just think about it!
Hi anonymous girl, you don't know how much it means to me to hear you have had similar problems especially about the memory thing. You mentioned that you took the step to throw away your diaries to remember things but how are you coping now? How do you cope with this issue? It seems to be one of my biggest issues that I have to remember everything within a day that you don't need to and if I can't do this in convinced in losing my memory or getting dementia or Alzheimer's. Any help would be amazing thanks.
Hi Paul,
Get yourself sorted, but don't go down the med's route, try CBT, even self help CBT to make you realise where your going wrong, to learn how to change your way of thinking, don't go down the med's route as med's can realy mess your head up when it looks like other methods can help you. Try CBT for Dummies, I use it and I find it puts things into perspective for me, it's on Amazon and probably loads of book shops.
Good luck and warmest regards
Norman
Hi Paul,
What you describe sounds very similar to what I've felt in the past and I suffer from depression for almost 9 years. I felt disconnected and not the same as everyone else. It used to be very bad, but it's very recently become much better, though it's still present. I agree with anonymous girl, part of what makes you feel worse is the belief that you could be like this forever, but that's never the case, there is always the possibility of change. Also, knowing that you're not alone and that depression isn't something to be ashamed of.
I'm not a professional though, but I suggest you speak to your GP and perhaps get help from a CBT therapist which I've found has helped me a lot.
If you ever want to talk about your problems or anything I'm happy to help because as I say, I've been through depression and I want to help others and share different perspectives on this illness so that it might be more preventable in the future.
Hi Paul, sorry I missed your reply to me! I got a new notification when isnowdropi commented and when I clicked in I saw your reply and realised I hadn't answered you back! I am still working on things a lot myself. But here is my advice:
Based on some initial advice from Jaguar another user on this forum (see my first post), I realised that getting better was in quite a significant way, in my hands. First of all the most important thing is not to give up. Doing nothing is a sure way to let depression beat you and contributes to feelings of worthlessness, self-criticism, guilt and regret.
Never forget the essentials- eat, sleep, breathe and exercise - all in moderation and according to what your body tells you. Reduce intake of caffeine and alcohol if possible.
I started trying to fill my day with activity so I wasn't mulling over anxious/negative thoughts. However, I started running into overdrive and became anxious and scattered. So number 2, be active, but don't run yourself into the ground.Don't put so much pressure on yourself to get things done that it compromises your ability to relax/be happy. Take time do things you enjoy. This will boost your productivity and happiness.
I have found, just in the last couple of weeks that this has helped me a lot re trying not to worry about remembering things:
-get a notebook
-write a mini short-term calendar (e.g. 3 weeks ahead with blocks for each day but small enough that you can fit the 3 weeks on the one page of a notebook)
-fill in the times you have to be somewhere/meet someone
-write a list of goals you want to do in your life on another page of the notebook
-write in "P1 or P2" etc beside the goals, according to level of priority
-get an idea of which days you need to do which tasks in the short term
-if there’s anything you remember and you are scared of forgetting that you want to get done in the longer term but you’re afraid you’ll forget, then write it down as “things to remember” or, write a list of things you want to do in the longer-term. You can either start working on it from now on and carry on each day or wherever you get time, or just keep it written down in your notebook to refer to after you’ve completed your short-term goals
-on each day or the night before, write a more detailed of list of things you need to do (e.g. break down a task into separate parts etc.). This helps you think of details about the tasks you mightn’t have thought about and gives you a better idea of how you will have to manage your time
TRUST the list you make and keep the notebook in a good place. This way you don’t have to worry about losing the list. Throw out your daily lists as you go along. They are no longer relevant. If you did not get everything you intended to get done in the day finished, then add it in for the next day.
I hope this is relevant and helpful to you. So remember - do your essentials, be active, but take time to relax and do things you enjoy. Keep your notebook with calendar, list of things you want to do and priortise. And then do you daily lists and throw them out at end of each day. Longer-term notes to be kept in same notebook on a different page!
Hope this helps!
anonymousgirl