So since January I have slowly but surely become a shadow of myself.
I lost my Grandad in February and was present when he passed. It wasn't my first bereavement as I lost my grandmother 5 years ago.
My grandads passing happening amidst training to be a teacher and well I kinda think I bottled up my grief so I could continue with my training and not let it affect me.
I've noticed that since January I am more critical of myself, can't hold on to positive emotions and have slowly lost sense of what being myself is. I have times where I feel like what I used to be but the majority of the time I feel upset, frustrated but with no real clue to what the issue is.
I am much more demotivated and have noticed I don't enjoy the things I used to like doing very much. One big issue is how it affects my relationship. Granted there are some things we need to work regardless of this situation, but I feel a lil dissatisfied and I seem to be over analysing everything to do with what he does and says as well as my own words and actions. My libido has really suffered too. I used to have a healthy sex drive but now I find it hard to be bothered with sex. I have the odd day or few days where it's better but on a whole, and my boyfriend will vouch for this, I am very different to who I was before the new year. I'm snappy, naggy, sensitive, emotional and negative. Hell only 2 nights ago I sobbed myself to sleep because I was overcome with frustration and self hate for my body, which spiralled into thinking of a million other things.
Is this signs that I might be depressed? Or am I suffering after bottling up my grief?
(P.S I started Propranolol for migraines about April - could be a contributing factor?)
Hi OB,
If you’re noticing a change in your mental health it is always worth going to your GP to talk because you can keep yourself awake every night trying to figure out what’s up and overanalysing everything. A GP can tell you why it is you feel that way and help you out with suitable therapies. I was in a similar situation to you - I realised that actually I wasn’t as happy as I used to be and the slightest thing would get me down and I became irritable, which - like you - also began affecting my relationship. I went to the doctor three days ago and am so glad I did - now I have a name for what it is I’m feeling and that lifted a surprising weight of my shoulders. It also put me on the path to getting myself better.
So I think you should talk to your GP.
Have a lovely weekend.
Thanks for your reply.
I've seen my counsellor today and it became apparent that whilst my bereavement has really affected me it's actually my relationship issues causing most of my mental decline. I was able to discuss various things with her and have identified the key problems that either need to end by my partner taking responsibility for his behaviours that affect me or I leave the relationship.
It basically seems that I thought my declining mental health was affecting my relationship but it's actually the other way round, the relationship is a huge contributing factor to the decline.
I'm booked in to see her again in two weeks time and will see my GP this coming week.
Hi OB,
I’m glad you talked to your counselor about it and it seems like it starting to make more sense for you why you’re feeling this way - you definitely shouldn’t be feeling like that in a relationship so you should definitely talk to your partner about it, good luck with your GP appointment!