Hi people who use this website and don't have much hope. My depression worsened years back when I was raped, eased off then came back over 6 years ago when my dad died. It's worsened since I've had PTSD and the intensive counselling for it, it may be possible something has finally clicked though just this week. You need someone who will really LISTEN, understand YOU for YOU and hope, trust and prayer. I think I will finally, eventually after all these years I can hope for a bit and know these may get better. Someday. Don't give up hope, none of you. There may be hope in the strangest places. Good luck to you all 😁
I hope things have indeed worked out for you, Sam. I was battling anxiety and depression for a year and a half this last episode and just came out of it the last few days. The issue that was pushing me over the edge was finally resolved-I made it through with therapy, medication and the support of folks who love me but I came close a few times. I offer my support to those who are still battling their issues, there is hope if you can just hang in there. My best to all of you!
That's kind of you! I will get there I finally after so many years have a counsellor I can trust. I still get really scared but we are working on it.
Hi Sam thanks i was on a very bad low a good few months ago did not think life was worth it, i too had the same trauma as you, but i had a brain tumour thrown in as well , but i am in remission now, but sorry about your dad, i still have mine, but i do have a shopping list of illnesses, but i am on the road to recovery , getting CARA counselling now and she is brilliant, i even have homework! keeps me busy so i hope whoever comes on this forum gets the help and advice they need to go forward to a healthy and better life X 
Hi jaybabes, I feel like I shouldn't complain, having a brain tumour I can't even begin to contemplate how rubbish that must be. Losing my dad I thought was the toughest thing but this counselling tops it ten fold. The counsellor I have had finally understood my disability this week which could explain why my past is so messed up. My difficulty and my main reason to see her is double rape, once by one xxxxxx and then by someone else. She finally spoke about it in depth on Thursday and saw by the look on my face just sickened i was, i sat and cried at one point and she asked me why it was so bad, I put my head down and sobbed! They both dreadfully injured me. My dad died, that's manageable, experience isn't. No comparisons just sharing and offloading I suppose. Thank you for reading.😑😐
No phone gone mad, rape isn't not experience!
Your welcome Sam you should never feel like you are complaining because you are not, what you have been through is traumatic and anyone who has been through that needs help, and do not be ashamed to ask for it, the trouble with me was in our family there were hundreds of secrets, no one was allowed to speak about their problems, or what was going on in their lives, it was all pushed under the carpet, that is why i was in such a state but it took me a long time to talk about my problems, like you i did , and i am like i said getting the best help , i too was raped once by someone who is not here now, was a family member, and the other was gang raped at a party, so i know exactly what you went , but i am dealing with it now, and i know i will get through it and it will make me a stronger person, and after your treatment you will too , god bless 
Hi jaybabes, you really do know what I mean, I am trying to get better like you my counsellor finally understands me when she is there which she isn't this week so I told her off and it was a terrible thing to do, taking a break which took seriously, she finally admitted she was glad to see me find some things funny, I said to her 2 can play that game. I decided to wind her up, she told me to get out! Huh charming, you ask for help and you get sarcasm back. Hopefully I'll be OK, but I'm not banking on it. I feel disgusted that someone in your family could be so vile to you. It's a shame we couldn't meet up? Do you live far?
Hi Sam so sorry to hear you fell out with your counsellor but i am not seeing mine this week either but i should of seen her today and it is a bank holiday , but she gives me homework that keeps me busy, and i have to do a journal , and though i have to relive the past it does help you but getting past it, so you can move on , i have 20 weeks of this so i am going to make the most of it, i suppose you you playing games did not go down very well they probably think you are not taking this seriously and that is why she throw you out, but i think if she really knew the real you that was just a cover up and a defence mechanism to hide what your truly feeling, you could of been having a really bad day and if she had picked up on that , this would not have happened, trouble is sam they do not have much time in the appointment to know and find out everything about you and that is a shame, it looked like at first she had made great lengths to help you, is there no way you can get in touch and make things up i would hate to see you relapse , you were doing great, i live in a small village in braintree essex ,i think you have been pm me if you want you can do that , if you need to talk i am here for you x
Hi jaybabes I have given you the wrong end of the stick somehow. I have had 1 bad session with my counsellor where I barked at her because she said something I think about my dad that made me really cross. She barked up the wrong tree and said this was the reason I was how I was, because my dad had raped me so I told her that wasn't the case. In terms of sessions with her they are definitely continuing it's just illness that forced me to miss many sessions. My counselling people know I get Ill often and last year I was so frightened I wouldn't turn up. I spent most of those early sessions shaking, crying and feeling unbelievably sick! I still get the most horrendous flashbacks but she's dealing with them. They are getting to the bottom of my ill health at the doctors, it will work in the end but I am still very scared, I now write down when it becomes hard, she understands. She's on holiday next week and a couple of weeks time too. I'll get there. My counselling is for as long as I need it!!! Good luck to you and if I knew how to write to you privately then I would happily.😶
Hi Sam sorry really did get the wrong end of the stick well it was early and i am not morning person,lol, i am so glad for you that you are still getting the help you need, and i know like you how hard it is to open up, took me over 30yrs, messed most of my life up but no more, i will not be a victim, and honey in time neither will you, i did not ask where you live, shame your not my neighbour we have some weird one here, not ill weird, gossip weird, lol, very strange not been here long born and brought up in london, , just to let you know sam so you do not think i am ignoring you if i do not get back to anytime this week ,but i will try it is only because i have a very busy week, like to keep busy so i do not have to think, out round friends all day tomorrow cutting and colouring hair, same here my counselling is as long as i need it, isis easy to private message me by your name sam 18386 you have an envelope in a box press that and it goes into private messaging, and it will tell you what to do , if any trouble , i will pm you and you will see at the top of your page where it says notifications, next to that is the same box, it will have a 1 in it to say you have 1 new message, take care hun, look after yourself, will be thinking of you, and try to do some things that make you happy you deserve it 
You need to be my neighbour you and my friend Pippa who sits on the IBS forum on here. I know I will get there in the end. The hardest decision was admitting what had happened to rape crisis, I was almost sick. I have never cried so much and burying my dad was the worst sadness I ever experienced. My counsellor can finally see I'm trying to mask what has happened because it's easier to cope with. When she mentioned these 2 thugs last week she saw me cringe completely and saw the tears in my eyes she apologised for making me so sad but because she explained why I understood better. I have had nightmares since but I am now used to this! We'll keep speaking to each other and see how we eventually feel!
Hi hun just read it love it and know pippa as i have ibs she is lovely off today will catch up tomorrow , take care , we would all 3 make great neighbours , putting house up for sale lol
Sorry sam when i said love it i did not mean what happened to you hun that was what happened to me when i talked about mine , we are going through the exact same thing but we are tough and together we will get through it, stay strong hun xxx
Housing sign reads wanted house for 3 IBS sufferers with 3 bathrooms!!!! LOL.
Love it you still have a great sense of humour, what a day , friend came round , great seeing her, got nothing done till this evening , not long sat down, having an early night, head hurts a bit, have not eaten, only a banana and slimfast drink, going to have my acrylic nails done tomorrow, my only treat, then its a match who has the longest nails me or my kitty lol, take care sam catch up soon , god bless
Hi Jaybabes how was Pippa? Did both of you do better than me? I think so huge horrid flare up due to medication with ibuprofen in it on top of an empty stomach and time of the month X ouch! Crawled on to settee and could have died today, in pain. Just so sore. What can I have to cheer myself up???😫😓😨😰🤢 And that was colour of face with white!!!
Hi hun so sorry i did not get back to you yesterday when you were suffering, i was out a all day and night , pippa and me have good days and bad, just depends who upsets us lol, i have my ibs under control now, but it is hard to control when i had my monthly. god give me the change now so something else i have to battle
, but for me i hate taking drugs unless it is necessary, and can save your life, but i believe in natural stuff, and you can not beat apple cider vinegar for most things and it is brilliant for ibs, one teaspoon in a cup with boiled water cooled down, and drink it , or sip it, i feel great afterwards, my stomach goes down to its normal size and all symptoms gone, did it last night and this morning, as for monthly, hot water bottle is great on back and tummy, but i had to take nerofen, and a great movie to take your mind off it, love actually is one of my favourites lol,, take care hun got full weekend, getting old tan off and cleaning house ,ocd never ends, but just have to get on with it lol, and 2nd time counselling, on monday, so will catch up after i see her, hope your feeling better, god bless xxx
I like people like you and Pippa, honest direct and truthful. The apple cider vinegar I've never tried but I will check it out once I've had my doctor's appointment on Monday, which i'm concerned about naturally. Whatever they say on Monday may mean I have to go gluten free, or not. I have 1 appointment like that on Monday, 1 on Wednesday with dietitian's to find out why my health is a joke and an appointment on Thursday to see if I can ever have a family, which will be the toughest but I see my counsellor before the appointment on Thursday. I feel so wound up about all of this, how do I stay calm? What do I do if I get stressed? 😃 But then 😕