Hi lovely people,
I have been drinking a long time, all throughout my adult life, now aged 40, this last 10-12 years have been the worst. I have worked all my life but recently went on sick leave, subsequently handing in my notice two months later. Stress related, unable to handle the job, coupled with my evening drinking.
I've isolated myself for years, found a friend last year, leading to affection, didn't last too long as I was too keen. So relieved to find happiness that I was wanting too much too quickly.
6 months on, it's all I can think about and care about - that particular connection. No other part of my life seems to matter.
The severity of my drinking has led me to a program via the NHS for alcohol recovery, which I am so grateful for. I can't seem to slowly ween myself off though. Will power, lack of discipline perhaps - I just can't see a glimmer of imagination/hope for the future. Stuck in a moment that made me feel alive. I can't imagine what it would feel like, maybe different if I were sober for a period of time. Not necessarily succeeding but active, maybe I would learn to live with the loss - or feel better within myself however hard it is.
This doesn't compare to other people, I truly recognise how lucky I am - but I've been on my own for 20 years - all through my adult life and did not expect this mind/emotionally reaction to lose someone that I was never really with.
Dear Robert,
I can hear from your words that you are extremely sad. I can totally identify with your situation. Unfortunately, drinking too much does not make us feel particularly good about ourselves, hence, when finding a potential partner it is often a case of becoming too needy to soon, which can and will turn into a disaster.
The way I see it, is that it is not you, it is the alcohol.
Once, you get the handle on the alcohol, you will feel so much better about yourself and will see the loss in a different light. You will also feel more confident about taking things slow and not be too worried about it not working out.
You are only 40 years old. That is still so young.
I also isolated myself so that I could drink my liter of red wine every evening in peace. No consequences of having stuffed up in public somewhere. I told myself, it is ok to live like that, but frankly it is not ok. It works for a couple of years and then it might just destroy us.
Everyone needs some sort of purpose in life to feel worthy of living.
It is possible that you might not mourning the loss of that particular person, but the good moments you had for that short time.
Most of us here on the forum go through something similar, so you in the right place and will get a lot of support here.
Are you on the Sinclair method, and if so, for how long already?
I wish you the best of luck.
hugs CK
Hi!
You should start the TSM (The Sinclair Method)...it's the only cure in my opinion. You drink to get sober....go to C Three Foundation website and watch on youtube about the results people are having with this method. TSM is the only way I am able to do this...I'm pleased...for me, slow and steady, day by day.
Hi Robert
So sorry to read about your loneliness. I honestly believe that alcohol changes people's personalities. I do not have AUD but my OH does. When he was drinking heavily, he became morose and maudlin and self absobed. When he was sober which unfortunately was not very often, he was quite an upbeat kind of guy.
Since starting his TSM journey I have got my real Husband back. We met each other through hobbies after a relationship break up.
I would say get yourself sorted first boot the alcohol out and then start to organise your life. You will be far more attractive to other people if alcohol isn't warping your view
Regards
JulieAnne x
Hi Robert
I totally agree with Julie. You need to focus on getting well before you look for a relationship. I've bounced from 1 relationship to another over the years. All bad choices. The longer I go AF the better im feeling and im sure my choices will reflect that.
Sending hugs and best wishes
HI Robert,
I responded to your messages only a few hours ago and I guess your plea for help moved something deeply in me. I don't know anymore, after surviving the dreadful long weekend without any major hiccups, I also feel so extremely lonely this evening. I guess it will pass again, but these are the triggers for me to drink more. Like literally drown the loneliness. I have everything going for me. Surrounded by loving dogs, good job, great kids and still I feel lonely because I have no one to talk to.
You are not alone in your situation.
Hugs CK
Hi CK,
Thank you so much for the replies, I am pleased you got through the long weekend but sorry today is hard. Please excuse my turn of phrase, I am not feeling too articulate at the moment.
That's great to hear about the dogs and kids, although I can understand the loneliness.
Your reply was full of wisdom, which I will reread later and tomorrow morning to remind myself of the clarity from another.
I've been with spectrum, drug and alcohol recovery service just a couple of weeks now, the one thing they have asked for - setting myself a limit of drinks per day, I haven't adhered too. Some days better than others, but it's toxic, my thinking that is, as well as the consumption. So many positives but I'm in a cloudy place full of confusion, sadness, obsession and addiction.
Having said that, all the wonderful replies on here are so succinct and accurate. Need to now 'walk the walk'.
Thank you again, keep in touch and you aren't alone either 😀
Hi Julie Anne,
Thank you for the reply, makes so much sense. I can't wait to live a sober life, however much the demons need to be faced. I must trust in the program from the experts, irrespective of the past. I have a mother that is in bits, because she can't help. If nothing else, I have to find a will to live and move forward for her peace of mind.
R
Hi Philippa, thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I will be rereading the comments again and again to keep my head above the waterline. Thank you again
Hi Robert
You do not say what actions you are taking to try and control your alcohol intake. Are you trying to stay dry?
If you have been drinking for a long time, my understanding is that it can be a very difficult thing to do
Regards
JulieAnne x
Robert, as you seem to be having a hard time with the traditional approach, I can heartily recommend something called The Sinclair Method (TSM). It involves taking a pill an hour or so before you drink and it begins moving the addiction in reverse. There is no denying yourself a drink, but you will drink less and less because you honestly want less and less. Generally, what's offered is called Nalmefene although some NHS areas offer Naltrexone (which is easier to get along with).
If you google:
Claudia Christian TEDx
you'll see a video of Claudia delivering a talk at the London Business School. That will give you a good idea of what TSM is about.
The C3Foundation Europe has some information that can help you navigate the NHS hoops. See The Sinclair Method heading on this page:
http://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627
You'll also see posts here by others that have used The Sinclair Method. I myself cut my drinking by over 95% with it and spend considerable time letting people know it's a very effective alternative to the traditional treatments. The success rate is about 80%, so it's well worth investigating.
Hi Robert. Google C3Foundation and Sinclair Method. Very high success rate. No drinking is the way forward 😁
Hi Julie Anne,
Through the alcohol recovery program,
they have recommended weening myself off, selecting initially an amount a feel comfortable drinking on a daily basis, then dropping by 10 percent each week. Makes good sense but since I have gone up and down, not keeping to their advice or a strict structure to reduce. Feel worse about it as will power is seems non-existent, which is the sad part. In answer to your question, little action - and that is the salient point which I'm glad you've brought up. Thank you again
Hi Robin, thank you - this is new for me to discover, I will look investigate- thank you for the reply
I am so grateful for all replies today, thank you all. I'm scared of what I face without the cloud alcohol gives me. It's not an excuse to carry on the way it is, I don't know what I face afterwards, therapy, really looking at the reality of everything- face up and step up is the only answer
Hi robert
Google acamposate (campral). It’s an anti craving medication which worked well for me. Makes not drinking so much easier. Just a suggestion.
Hi Robert
Yes the 10% reduction does make sense to keep you safe from possible withdrawal problems-Delirium Tremens and seizures. It is a life threatening condition and should not be taken lightly. I have witnessed my OH have DT's and seizures many times. I was told he would not survive many more. His consultant said that because he was constantly drying out and then binge drinking his brain was becoming more and more sensitive to alcohol.
He was detoxed January 2017 and began a course of Campral which did help with the cravings for a while. I know it continues to work for some forum members. You may want to consider this. My Husband got his prescription from his Alcohol Recovery Centre Doc.
The lovely people on this forum then directed me to c3foundationeurope website. It's about pharmacological extinction. Groundbreaking research done by Dr David Sinclair. Known as The Sinclair Method. If you are interested you really need to do some research. Watch Claudia Christian's One Little Pill available on you tube, if not Amazon. That's where I got my download from.
My Husband started following TSM a in April 2017 and he has not looked back. He is down from 30 plus units a day to less than 10 units a week. Currently achieving 2 alcohol free days a week.
Do the research. You have options. There is a very helpful counsellor on c3europe who can explain it all far better than me her name is Joanna. Good luck. Let us know how you get on
Kindest Regards
JulieAnnex
Hi Julie Anne,
Thank you for the message, you are the first person I have 'spoken' to today.
I feel quite unwell today, due to consumption but am more afraid of my mental state and ongoing 'grief', which I mean in the lightest of terms compared to someone who has had someone close pass away.
It's off topic I know as this is all about alcoholism. Thank you for educating me with the Sinclair method and sharing your circumstance, I am pleased your OH has made the progress achieved over the past year, what fantastic love and support to have you there.
I will keep you posted, thanks again for the information, I will process it and research.
R
Hi Robert
I am certain that the alcohol is making you more depressed than you should be. It is a depressant. You are still young, a new life awaits you. I remarried 4 years ago aged 56. I certainly did not write myself off when my first marriage failed.
I realise that you are in such a low place, you probably don't want to do any research. C3 will help you. You just have to have faith and reach out
Kindest Regards
JulieAnnex