Hello
I've been watching 'inside the ambulance' in which a patient with anxiety & depression was suicidal, and it reminded me of how painful life was (and still is sometimes) in those times in my life.
Writing a blog is not in my character, and I very much dislike talking (especially writing) about how I feel! However, I used to scroll through blogs like this and I remember reading one post that gave me hope!
I am a 21 year old, (my name is Anita,) and I have a 'diagnosis' of generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and depression. So much fun, all at once.
At it's peak I was continuously suicidal, I couldn't leave my house, and I would put off going to the bathroom because leaving my bed was too much - I lost hope in doctors, or A&E because they would give me pills & then send me home: queue the repeat. It was so intrusive & I felt like I couldn't speak to anyone. Even though all my pals & my family are so helpful, I didn't want to be their burden, it was embarrassing and I almost didn't feel allowed to feel those feelings - I kept thinking that everyone else had it worse and I should be happier.
I had also tried CBT, vigorous exercise, eating balanced meals and sleeping well (thanks, google!) gentle exercise, breathing techniques, denying anxiety, accepting anxiety...the list goes on! And so I felt that nothing could help. In fact at one point I read a forum and realized that I had adapted other people's fears just from reading!
However, since my 'crisis' it has been a year. Life has been tricky, but I can leave the house alone. I can see a future. I can focus on other people. My thoughts sometimes wonder in positive directions; not always towards a panic attack or a horrid future.
So I wanted to tell you (whoever you are!) that there is some hope. Keep going. You are doing fine. My brother once told me that to live you had to 'eat, poo, and sleep' (not at the same time!) It didn't feel much like living to me - but often that is all I manage and that is ok!
The bad bit is I don't really have any tips for you; everyone is different and what works for me might not for you! However, at the peak of my anxiety everyone seemed to have their own advice or a cousin that had the same diagnosis. This confused me so so so much, that it really hindered more than it helped. Don't worry if you can't fulfill someone else's tips. That's their advice. You know yourself, and you know what you want most - event if in this moment it is to climb into your own bed & listen to music. And keep going. Tomorrow is a new day.