i have agreed to see my daughter for the whole week when the schools break up for easter. this will be my last time to tell her how much i love her and hold her close to me. she knows her dad isnt well but i cant stand this pain anymore. i hate the thought of leaving her behind but she has a life to live, i have lived mine enough to know that i cant do it anymore. it pains me writing this but its for the best i think.
Paul... What do u mean the last time u can tell her u love her and hold her close?
Paul whats going on? were here for you we love you and will support you
Reply back Paul A.S.A.P
I/ we are here to talk whenever you want
its pretty much as it says so....i will love her till the minute i take my last breath.....about 3 hours after i drop her off at her mums. i cant do this anymore
Hi Paul,
Treasure each moment with her and use it to remind yourself of all the reasons you are needed and wanted. She will always want her Dad around; to be there when she needs a hug, help with homework, a getaway, a lift or picking up, to embarrass her when she brings her boyfriends home, to walk up an aisle, to hold her first born, to help with your Grandchildren.
She will always want and need her Dad, Paul no matter what you may think or be told. You are important.
Paul,
your'e daughter will be heartbroken if she never sees you again. Sh will miss you always. Dont do that to her. She really needs you. When we are depressed we often think people dont need us, but God, - your daughter really needs you.
Paul please think of how your daughter will feel if you take your own life. She will be mentally scarred forever. She will possibly even become depressed, just like you are now. I know you wouldn't want her to feel like you do. Taking your own life could very well push her into a lifetime of depression. Please, if you don't care about yourself, live for her!
Hello Paul, your daughter will have a life full of pain and rejection if you go. Beleive me i know from personal experience. My daughters lost their dad when they were 3 and 5 years old. We were left with unanswered questions and a life time of pain and rejection. You must see that your storing up problems for your daughter. She will be blighted by the rejection and the stigma. She will probally suffer depression because of what your planning, she will need counselling and most of all she will never get over it, her whole life will be a constant reminder. How will she feel when she does exams, gets a boyfriend, has children of her own, all her milestones birthdays especially 16, 18, 21 will hold regrets of what you did. The sadness of you missing these too. Hold on Paul, get some help now. Suicide is final there is no return. Suicide is the easy way out, it's selfish. I have suffered too and seen my girls suffer especially as they got older. Yes we cope with it, we live with it but we can never get over the pain till the day we die, it's a life sentence to us. I look at my girls now and my two beautiful grandchildren and feel sad that he missed all this and that they have missed out on a grandad. You may not take any notice of what i say but i needed to say it, you will make your choice but your family will have no choice to live the rest of their lives with your legacy.
Elizabeth.
Just to add Paul my youngest is 33 years old today. In the back of our minds is a day her dad is not there to share her special day. It's been 29 years now but it still hurts.
Elizabeth.
Well said, Elizabeth. I am so sorry for what you and your daughters have gone through.
Thanks. If i can help someone else from doing the same it's worth me telling how it is.
Paul, thank you for sharing your most intimate thoughts with us.
From what you are saying it appears that you are considering ending your life, is that correct?
If that is so, then have you already made any plans, and if so what have you decided to do and how are you going to do it?
It is very true what others have written to you on this forum, in that those who are left behind have a far heavier price to pay than those who take their lives.
Have you considered what the consequences of your action might be on your daughter and others?
Nobody has the right to interfere with whatever decision you make, but do you not think that you do need to consider things very carefully before you take any action.
May I make a suggestion Paul, why don't you contact the Samaritans who are really excellent listeners, and talk your feelings over with them?
You can phone them on 08457 90 90 90 or email them at
jo@samaritans.org
Please don't end your life.i know everyday is a struggle and you have to fight everyday to keep well.suicide is a permanent solution to a solvable problem.i know you won't believe that and that all you want is peace.you have a daughter and even if you are I'll it won't stop her loving you.think about her and how much she loves her daddy.
Hi Paul, you've had some loving advice, stop and listen. When I was in my 30s I suffered such a hellish depression all I could think of was death. I wanted it so much to stop the excruciating pain of it.I could hardly bare it any longer. I drank whisky in large doeses and desided to end it all. My young daughter found me and had me hospitalized, I am so glad she did, I still get depressed but I have two grandchildren now. I so glad I got help and didn't take my life. Get help go to you A&E or your GP you can get through this you can and will.
I.ve been theere too and its all true, Paul...........yuo owe it to your daughter to still be here and NOT to break her heart as you will if you carry this out. PLEASE think before you act, and try to see that you will destroy HER life if you take your own. SHE IS WORTH more than this, Paul....post and let us know you have been courageous enough to stay here where we can offer support and love while you struggle through this operiod in your life. HUGE hugs Paul x
I hope we can get through to Paul, so many people care about him even thou we are all strangers we still care and support one another.
Hugs to you.
Elizabeth.
Paul I don't know what your actual intentions are but I can guess. My answer is don't. Please please speak to the Samaritans. How do you think your little girl would feel if she couldn't see daddy anymore. If you do anything stupid then you would be being very selfish when it comes to your little girl....of course she has her life to live but don't you think she would want her daddy to be a part of it. Think carefully about what you do but speak to the SAMARITANS please. You owe it to your little girl at least.
Well said Elizabeth, I really hope Paul reads these messages and sees the he matters and is needed. Never give up the fight.
hey guys, thanks for the messages. wow it means a lot to read these from complete strangers considering we all have our problems. this mornin i signed up for an online course on CBT which is free in Scotland so i am gonna give this a try. its a 6 week course, all online and we dont have to talk, which have a real problem with. i could write for days cos i hide behind my true identity. i am trullly humbled by all your messages. thank you xx