MY EXPERIENCE WITH MIRTAZAPINE -
Note - Much [but not all] of the following was in evidence prior to taking the drug but seems [SEEMS] to have become more intense and/or frequent. One thing the drug does definately do is act as a sedative/sleeping pill or sorts. Whether any benefits (and I can't detect any/much) are due to placebo, coincidence or the actual drug - I couldn't say with certainty.
- I take Mirtazapne (15mg) and have done so for around 2-3months (I decided to slpit the 30mg tablet that GP originally prescribed as the higher dose seemed to serve as a 'nock out' sleeping tablet (12+hours) and 'zombiefy' me throughout the remaining part of the day after finally awaking lazily mid to late afternoon.
- I feel groggy/lethargic/unmotivated; mostly throughout the day;
- As much as I like to sleep (it stops me thinking), it inadvertantly reminds me of what happens when I wake up. Awaking brings with it normally, intense and unrelenting thoughts & feelings of dread/misery/gloom/negativity immedately on gaining consciousness (this often causing me to want to 'force' myself back to sleep as a way of avoidance ..hence finally gragging myself out of bed post midday to mid afternoon);
- Also, on waking up aswell as at those lonely/solitary periods during the day ...I often can't stop thinking (OCD??) , ruminating over what I see as (or have convinced myself) are current stressors/negative life issues (its like my over sensitive and negative mind is recognising a danger/problem/worry and can't let go and goes around n around in circles searching for a remedy which can't be found or accepted. This then creates a train of spiralling depressive and increasing anxious thought that spills over into future fears ..as I see everything as 'doom n gloom' -
All the aforementioned reinforcing a feeling of loneliness, pathetic'ness (my word), helplessness and being at an impasse ...AT IT'S CLIMAX I find myself yet again in crisis and have very dark miserable depressing uncontrollable thoughts and I wish someone would come get me and put me in psychiatric hospital or some place.
Like a whale finally coming up from the dark depths to grab a moments fresh clean air ...these feelings relent for a while (normally of an evening) and I can even have a 'out of the blue' short lived happy/euphoric feeeling (not sure why) as I become a little more settled and safe feeling and am able to cautiously try [and I mean 'TRY'] and focus on a simple low energy activity/task, or watch a Netflix movie to distract myself, or contemplate in so far as my current life's negative circumstances and those envisaged in the gloomy future ...the 'glass [MAYBE] being half full instead of half empty'' so to speak!!!
Does this make any sense?
For me? I'm planning on weening myself of the 15mg I've been taking ..and I probaly begin the process over the Easter (I estimate it taking me 5-7days)
BEST WISHES AND PEACE TO ALL STRUGGLING WITH POOR MENTAL HEALTH!
[*Forgive any poor spelling or confusion]