Just checking to make sure everyone’s doing okay?

Sexual health
1

Hey everyone

I remembered when I first got diagnosed and I had no help what so ever, no one told me anything even on this group I just had depressed people (obviously) but I had no one telling me how their life planned out 

So 

If you have just been diagnosed or if you are struggling 

Please message me and I’ll give you whatever advice I have 

I’ve had this a long time now

And my life has never been better, I met a new guy and I love him so much were talking about moving in together 

He’s never caught it off me and we have unprotected sex 

I’m okay now, I don’t think about this anymore I don’t even care that I have it anymore 

So if you feel like you can’t see your future or you just need a non judgemental talk

Then hit me up!!!

I’m a 22 year old girl from England x

2

It's awesome to see someone so positive and upbeat. I wish I could get to that point. I was diagnosed about a month ago. It just feels like my love life and dating will never be the same again. I don't even know how to approach it. Time has somewhat eased my mind and reading these discussions also helps. I have a bad mind for these things which I'm also trying to get help for.

3

That’s great I’m 32 from England had it just Over two years. I met someone and told him before we had sex which I had the worst anxiety for weeks and lost so much weight through stressing about it but he was ok with it.  I was seeing for 8 months on suppressive therapy and never passed it on well he never showed symptoms. We’ve recently broke up because he’s a cheating arsehole but I’m in the same mindset I’ve got it and when I do meet someone else and have to tell them I’m hoping it will be easier than the first time round. There is life after it, and I won’t let it define me it is what it is and sounds much worse I hate saying the actual word, but I’ve got it for life now and just going to deal with it as best I can. We’ve all been at that depressive point where we thought no one would ever want us again and it’s not the case. Maybe there will be ones that it will put them off but then there not the right person anyway. Thanks for sharing and being so positive it’s what a lot of people on here need to hear :-) x

4

Hi frank! 

It’s still very new isn’t it for you, at a month I was at the same stage as you 

I thought life was pointless I honestly thought my life was over and done with

But let me tell you now that depressive feeling DOES go away

I would search hours for someone to tell me that to tell me they were okay now

But no one ever did 

But I’m telling you now, relationship or not you’ll begin to accept it and you will get to wear I am and not care anymore

You can’t expect someone else to accept your diagnosis if you can’t accept it yourself 

By the time I told my new partner I think I’d started to accept it and I knew that if he didn’t like me then it was NEVER meant to happen

But obviously it was meant to happen and I’m thankful everyday for meeting him and I have to say if I never got diagnosed with this

I would never be with him now and I would of missed out on the best chapter in my life so I’m a way I’m grateful

I’ve never passed it on to him and we’ve been going on a year now, we have unprotected sex regular

And I know he loves me

this will be a blessing it helps you worm out who wants to be their forever, if they can’t see a future with you they won’t stay and if they do they will give you s chance!!! 

There are also plenty of herpes positive saying websites which my friend found her partner off

I never joined because I didn’t want to ‘stop’ my life because of this 

I wanted to just listen to my path and meet who I meet! 

My advice for you is work on yourself

You don’t need a relationship right now you just want one 

Get a new diet

Start exercising and you will feel amazing 

I really do care for everyone going through this because no matter what our life paths were 

We never deserved this

We never asked for this 

But we have got it so we need to stick together and help each other 

5

You’re exactly right Louise

Your ex was an arsehole and he didn’t deserve you

But you should feel good about yourself! You let him go because he cheated, a lot of people with herpes would keep a man even if they cheated because they feel they are ‘lucky’ to get a man regardless and that’s not the bloody case at all

You’re so strong and you probably don’t even know it, you will meet someone again or course you will!

But only if you remain positive, you had a good experience telling someone before even though it turned crappy

So that’s just to say

I did it before and I can do it again 

Glad you’re doing okay x

6

Funny you mentioned the diet and what not. This diagnosis came after I lost 40-50 pounds, quit smoking and made huge lifestyle changes just to get slapped in the face by herpes. I'm coming to terms with everything. I'm seeking mental help which is what I believe has always been an underlying problem for me.

7

I'll add to the positive feels.

After nearly two years since diagnosis..  not a single outbreak after 1st and 2nd (2 months later which was super mild).

It's almost as if not infected at all.  It can't be diet. I changed that and it's for the better but it's not verily different from my old ways. I just eat healthier in general. Took up cooking and doing live streams making weird dishes for friends and audience. Maybe I have an extraordinarily strong immune system? 

Nevertheless, my life is not really different and I don't even think about it anymore sans the horrible idea of infecting my wife. We are very careful about it, though, just in case.

But yeah.  Life is normal.  Hope that puts some sunshine in someone's day. 

 

8

Hello! I've HSV-2 for about 5 years now and generally have no flares unless I'm very stressed out. Perhaps 2 or 3 times a year of late. I've become close with a guy I've been mates with for many years. I like him but I'm scared of telling him or should I say I don't know how to tell him??

Any advice on how I can bring this up in conversation. I'm worried...

Mel's x

9

Yes frank

I had underlying mental health problems and it made the issue a lot worst for me

I started to sort out my mental health and I felt much better! You need to focus on every part of you x

10

My advice and let me tell you my advice has worked for me and 3 other I’d my herpes + friends

Is to act like it’s not a big day

Don’t say things like:

‘You’re probably not going to want to be with me after this’

‘I understand if you don’t want me’

Do not cry

Practise saying it in front of a mirror, crying makes it seem even worst

If you do any of these things you’re scaring him away before he has the chance to think

Don’t even use the word herpes if you want 

Say you get cold sores down there, no one cares about cold sores, he will do his research and realise cold sores are herpes and it’ll be like a big revelation! 

Tell him the risks 

Tell him the info like it’s just an inconvience 

I told my partner like this

‘Yeah I’ve got to tell you something before we get steamy, I get cold sores down there and these are the risks’

The risks for type 2 being that if you take antivirals and use condoms it’s like 1% chance PER YEAR of passing it on

So let him no that 

If you have type 1 it’s almost impossible to pass on genital to genital! And if you do have type 1 I wouldn’t even bother telling him! 

Keep it light

Keep it funny

No crying

No apologising 

Hope it goes well

If he really likes you then he will accept it x

11

Thanks very much. Your reply was most helpful x

12

hello livelife, i’d love to talk to you! i’m 19, haven’t been tested (yet) but i have reasonable suspicion to think i have hsv-2. i have been trying to talk myself into getting the test done (i have a bf and we have not had sex yet, no way am i letting that happen before i know my status) and it’d be so great to have someone to talk to about how to handle my situation x

13

Hey what makes you think you have it?x

14

i’ve had several unprotected encounters with multiple people then a month and a half later i had a white pimple on my labia majora. freaked out and went to the doctor, they said it was folliculitis. then i had some on and off itching all around my mons pubis for about a week. and now i just had a cut in my butt (sorry about all the tmi) i made a post about it in more detail. i just have a really bad feeling

15

Hello Livelife

It is very hard for me to say this, and I have build up the courage to actually create an account and speak about my situation.  I have been feeling extremely depressed, very guilty.  I was diagnosed by a doctor on Sunday exactly 5 days ago, that I have herpes downthere (he did not test) but today I went to get a blood tested (in 72 hrs, I will receive the results.  wether is type 1 or 2) but we will see.   I feel like I don't deserve to live.  I am not suicidal or anything, but i feel such extreme shame, I have been crying and would love to speak to someone that has gone through this.

 

16

Still going through it, it does get easier with time and this discussion forum will help quite a bit. It's very hard to deal with and I can't say it's easy cause I'm still having trouble myself

17

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed about 4 years ago with type 1 in the genital area. I was 17, had waited to have sex with someone I loved. Unfortunately I was unlucky enough to contract the virus after oral sex with my first boyfriend whom i loved very much. It wasn't until i had sex that my first outbreak occurred.

So I was 17, had sex for the first time and woke up a week later with a shocking flu and an extremely painful outbreak in the lower region. I kept it to myself until my mum picked me up from the doctors balling my eyes out after being told my test had come back positive.

Unfortunately at 17 you don't realise who you can and can't trust, i told my best friend of 5 years what had happened and a year later after a falling out she had told others whom had spread it across my whole cohort at school. I have been in and out of depressive spirals since that time.

I have not slept around nor do I plan to, each time I am seeing someone new this issue is brought to me before I even get the chance to explain the situation to them.. how do you bring that up with someone new, when you don't even know if it will be long term? or without making them run for the hills?

Im fortunate enough to have not had an outbreak since the my first, however, the fact that a lot of people have heard this 'rumour' about me has made it nearly impossible to move on from.. and the stigma associated with this has made my life more and more difficult..

Recently someone I was seeing stopped talking to me out of the blue and they asked my friend about the herpes. 

I just want to know how you would deal with this?

thanks xxx

 

18

Your friend is an arsehole who is jealous of you and uses your herpes to make sure other guys don’t want you

Listen with herpes type 1 it’s almost impossible to pass on genital to genital

Even doctors tell patients not to tell partners they have it because there is literally no need for it!! 

You need to own it, just tell them from the get go

Stop letting this rumour ruin your life

Stop hiding away from something that you can’t change

We have herpes

So bloody what

We’re also a human and we are someone’s daughter and friend and sister and we do not deserve to be treated like we are disgusting because we are not

Next time tell the person straight up with the mindset if they don’t want this then screw them they don’t deserve me and they have missed out

Because they will be missing out!!!

Stop hiding, admit it

You’re young and it’s nasty at that age but that stops I’m 22 and have nothing but support off people because of this

Someone out their might even need your honestly

Just be up front, not scared and not sad with the guy and let him know that if he wants you, you come with this

Let them know the risks

That it’s ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE 

Seriously it’s less than 1% A YEAR without condoms to pass it on

You literally have more chance of being struck by lightening!!!!

Stop being embarrassed by yourself, you need to love yourself 

Don’t let someone treat you like that

19

Thank you so much I needed to hear that! 

20

If you don’t want to admit you have herpes as well (I mean this is to people who constantly ask) 

You can say ‘yes I do? I have cold sores what’s the problem’ because that is THE EXACT TYPE YOU HAVE 

Once they know it’s a cold sore they will be like oh crap I have herpes as well