Just feeling so lost and tired

Mental health
1

Hi, this is my first time posting on this message board - I’m not sure if the way I feel is actually depression or something else, so wondering if people here ever feel anything similar. I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome (I have posted on that board), but not sure if this is related or something separate? The easiest way I can describe this feeling is this: I hate being an adult. I hate the responsibilities, the routine, the money (or lack thereof), the bills, the relationship-issues, etc. I know that a lot of people feel like this and just get on with it. They probably also have other things that they enjoy about adulthood that they enjoy to counterbalance the negatives, but for me they’re so minimal. I can’t really describe it very well in writing, but it goes far deeper than just being fed-up and bored. Being an adult tires me out (which I can blame on the CFS) and leaves me feeling so, so sad. If I think about it too much, or even if a memory comes to mind, I end up crying. It almost feel like I’m mourning my childhood because it feels like such a massive loss.

I have mentioned on another post in the CFS/ME discussion board that on the outside I seem to have it all sorted: mortgage on a nice house, car, good job, pretty good relationship, etc, and while I’m quite happy with these things individually, as a whole if I could digress back to childhood tomorrow I would. Instantly. And I’d stay there because it’s so much easier than facing all the stuff you have to do as an adult. I don’t want to come over as all dramatic, but while I DON’T have serious thoughts of ending it all, I do often think “well, that’s my best years gone, they’ll never come back, so what’s the point?”

I’m in my late 20s and honestly do not think this is a sort of “quarter-life crisis” turning-30 type thing that’s come about – I’ve ALWAYS hated adulthood. Even when I was in my early to mid-teens I remember dreading getting older, crying about not wanting to grow up, feeling really sad when people would comment that I’m no longer a child, that I was too old for toys, cartoons, etc.

I’m not sure what this is, but it eats away at me. I wish I could get younger everyday rather than older L I wish I could put into words exactly how sad and empty this makes me feel. It sounds bad but if I’m honest I just don’t feel like I understand or even really care about the things that I’m “meant” to be concerned about (paying bills, meetings with the bank, budgets, house work, parties, work, keeping in contact with people, etc, etc.........)

Does anyone else feel anything similar?

2

Know how you feel!

I think you have fear of getting old and death basically?

I myself had it and got it a bit I have had those feelings of not wanting to get past 39 from around 16 years of age

Believe me it gets a lot worse once you reach 35 onwards! !

Watch out for 35 onwards if you get to this age in life that's when you start to think god where is time going? 

And you think im happy in my 30s best age range in my opinion to be not to young and certainly not old

But its this age when the dreaded 40 starts to get into your thoughts

And I remember myself thinking once I turned 36 I could not believe I was into my late 30s and then believe me it really does start to go very fast the time

When you reach 40!

Thats when you really start to notice everyone writing you of very slowly

You will hear people say things like when you were young and your thinking my god am I regarded as old now and finished at 40?

People will say your middle aged now and I have even seen a dating site for people 40 plus describing it as for seniors

I was shocked

Forget worrying about being a child make the most of age range you are now till up to 36 at least

Then remember what I said when you hopefully get to 36

And if you do make 40 then you will regard 20s or 30 as very young and great age to be

My advice live it up now

Travel the world forget mortgage do that from 35 to 40 onwards

Grab your dreams now

As older you get the more people start to write you of as society is obsessed with eternal youth only comes from usa

And I would say go out on a high by 50 to 60 maximum

As your really finished as far as uk is concerned from even 50 but certainly 60 to 65

Especially if you don't have money or celebrity status etc

But in end we are all usually dreading that day when we are put in the box and either burnt or buried

But thats only thing we can be really sure about

I agree overall life's a B as they say

Was much better when s child playing on bike and time seemed like a eternity of youth and dreams

3

Thanks for your reply! I don't think it's ageing that worries me as I'm not scared of getting older as such, just being an adult itself, whether that be 18, 50 or 90. Actually, I've always thought being old and retired in a nice home with everyone looking after you would be nice, but know not all people are that lucky.

I can't give everything up as that'd cause more trouble than I could ever cope with. I just don't want to have to think about stuff anymore as it's so exhausting and I can't see an end to it. I do get scared of OTHER people ageing though, as I don't want to see my parents get old. I'm an only child with no close relatives other than them so I'll be on my own when they go. My partner says that I'll still have him and his family but they won't know my childhood and my memory will be the only part of it left. It sucks.

4

Hello thanks for your reply

I know what your saying about worrying about losing your loved ones

Have you just got your mum and dad left then? 

No grandad or granmas or cousins etc

I myself just lost someone who was person I was closest to in July my unlce

He was 84 and I knew time is running out when someone is lucky enough to get to 84 but I can't begin to describe to you the feeling of loss and mental pain which is daily for me

Everyday even more now since he died quite quickly and suddenly in july I ask whats the point

He was closest for me of anyone I knew

And it feels like you can't replace that loss

Believe me no one will care when it happens to you

You will get all that usual rubbish sorry for your loss and condolences rubbish

Do you know one of his pension annuity people even had the nerve to message me saying we paid about 100 out after he died and can I pay them

You will see that only thing people care about is money and themselves

He died of heart failure and only warning was one week before he died he couldn't get up suddenly to go to bathroom

And that last week he stayed in bed and didn't eat or drink much

I wanted to get doctor and was about to and then he finally agreed for me to get ambulance as he could not wait for doctor to come

And he was doing okay for up to a hour when paramedics came had okay heart rate for 84 years of age

Then after a hour and when we were about to leave for the hospital I was sat with him in ambulance and paramedics were telling me we are going to do ecg

And then with no warning his heart rate dropped from 70/80 down to 50 within a second

And then two seconds later dropped to 30!

From heart rate of 70/80 he went to 30 and then you can guess what happened next

And then he was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital

I have brother and sister

And I feel alone often so to have no brother or sister must be very lonely? 

Your lucky you have your partner do you feel alone often?

How would you feel if everything seems pointless to you now if your mum and dad were gone as well?

Your saying you find adult life pointless and not much fun then compared to life of a child?

Its certainly all about money as a adult thats what it's all become about sadly