I keep breaking down... continous days of tears and self loathing. I don't even know what the trigger is anymore. Thought perhaps my hectic busy life was causing me stress, so took a few days off only to find that everyone in my life bore me! Their pathetic issues, their hang ups and their self centred worlds! I keep trying to listen and smile, but I feel nothing. Nothing towards them, towards my life, studies or job.
Just empty. An inner tiredness and sadness I can no longer place. I'm so tired I could sleep for days, but dreams distrub me and have me up constantly questioning my sanity due to their graphic craziness. So tired I wonder if I'll ever be anything other than exhausted, mentally, physically. MY arms are tired. My legs are tired. My mind is tired. My heart is sad. An inner sadness, one I wish I could explain. There is just an ache, where determination, motivation and belief once were; just an ache that I can't resolve anymore.
I'm surely going to fail my finals, can't revise or if I do I break down and the motivation which once guided me has been replaced with self doubt and I reek of the scent of failure.
I'm losing the battle, a battle to remain sane, sober and happy. I feel like a breakdown is overdue, like its to destroy everything. I'm self destructing, and I can't turn it off! Can't find a solution anymore.
Just giving up... depression is winning.