I'm sitting on a bus and it's full of children's laughter. It should be nice, something other to hear than idiotic crap for a change. And yet I feel nothing. Apart from maybe shame from typing this. I've been forcefully lying for months that I'm doing so so. I'm not. And although this will offend people that is not my intent, I don't just feel there is no point of ME anymore, I don't feel there is a point of anything at all. That everything is a lie. The things that once would bring me steady like science no longer have the strength to knock any sense into me. I am lost. Nothing within nothing. Anybody know how to get back to coping from this?
Hi Nick, that sounds like a really horrible dark place to be! Whether you have seen a doctor or not you've made a first step you brave man. Tell a doctor exactly what you've written here, take someone with you if you can't say it or write it down. As I was ill last week I almost jumped into a lake in my local park, Ill health does this to me, also a lack of counselling. I feel really dreadful when this happens, but no medical professional will take responsibility for this, I think until my physical health is sorted my mental health won't follow, if they sort my physical health the rest will follow. Good luck, you need to come out of the darkness.
Thanks Sam. I'm sorry to hear you are going through a tough time also. There was one time, only once where I nearly threw myself off a bridge. I was walking home from gp. However I feel like I am stuck. My physical issues are annoying but what's worse is my mind is going. I'm not sure if I want to save myself anymore. There is only really darkness in here it seems, I say seem because I had to go out today so I managed to see some light in order to do that. And I didn't punch the idiot who sat on me on the bus. I'm uncertain whether counseling has assisted me in anyway. Ok, it has because I would have done my nut over the idiot usually. I feel imprisoned within myself and I don't particularly want to be in others world's either. It just all feels like a facade. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Who knows. I'm going to tell my Dr how badly I want to tear things to pieces.
Hey Nick honey, omg! Did your post resonate with me or what! There is nothing offensive about what you have written. I can totally relate to and understand what you are saying. You don't find any joy in this "monotonous, merry go round, called life. I feel that way most of the time to be honest. It's really difficult to deal with. It's like you know, you need to bring some happiness back because you just don't feel it. It's a very lonely place to be. I'm currently trying to find my way back, with good and bad days. It's so easy to feel lost when others seem to be having a "whale" of a time. But, I'm sure others wouldn't feel that way if they suffered depression. I think the thing to do is see the doctor honey. Message me anytime and privately, if you prefer. Hope you feel better soon. Donna xxx
Hi Nick god you will be surprised and not ashamed how many people feel this way probably more than there are normal, every day life is so stressful and people just expect you to just get on with it, grow up find a job , have a family, live life to the full, get married, buying a house, even to choosing holidays, stuff for the home, well this makes me sick, life is just not like that, what happens is if yur not wanted for birth, what about abuse, what about not getting on with your siblings, what about hating your job, or not even getting one, what if you have to support a family , and on top of all this what if your ill, or have more than one illness, and on top of that different people have different personalities, some are strong and can cope with life and what it throws at them, others are i would not say weak but can not cope with what they have been dealt with and need help, and there is nothing wrong with that, depression covers many things, and if drugs work go to the doctor and ask for help, if counselling you think would help go down that road, , i have been through hell and back, been on every drug possible, and now i am in counselling, so if there is hope for me there is hope for everyone, gob bless
I know that the truth is I'm the one who has to save myself but with all this dark I don't know who that is anymore. I'm sobbing because when you say to people that you love them you should mean it. But honestly I dont anymore, I can't not really with all this thoughts, how can I when I dream of pressing a button and bang the world is gone, that believe it or not was a yes rather dramatic but simple example to the many others,I i'm trapped in torture and contradiction everyday and as much as I want to escape other people I cannot escape myself or these things that I am. I thought I was getting better getting somewhere and I'm not, I sound like a whining child and I'm not closed off to ideas, I'm on meds, I did counseling, I'm trying but I'm tired and I'm tired of this self contradiction of wanting to fight and wanting to go to sleep and not wake up, no I'm not suicidal, but I am going more insane everyday I know this. I have a shattered mind and I can't seem to stop yo-yoing long enough to be able to fix it as one person. Thank you to you to everyone for their support today to my post and advice I do appreciate it, I'm not lying, I mean it.
Hi nick i would of loved to know what you said to me but i do not think that it will get to me, once it is being moderated no chance, i hope it was something good, if in future you do want to say things openly ,or know more i will listen , you can private message me lots do, take care x
Well went to gp. And I failed I couldn't tell him all of this. Wasn't his fault. Was mine. Gave me a pep talk though which was kind. Anyway, in hospital tomorrow, maybe if that helps I will be mentally more abled. Sitting in the park now. The wind is nice at least.
Hi Nick, I see my doctor in about 10 days, as I get so confused and literally can't remember what to say (as it's often more than one thing), I write it down and hand that to my doctor who just writes it down. I then feel I've done the right thing. Try it, you see your doctor or another professional and it all goes out of your head.
I'm in hospital now. Listening to bulls**t. It's fine I'm not going to bother to speak now. I'm p****d off. I'm done talking. Going back to not talking. My ears still screwed I can't use my earphones. I'm really really depressed now.
Some of what this professionals speak is shxx, but you can talk on here. We'll listen 👂