I went through the EXACT symptoms - plus a boatload of even more that were more like WITHDRAWAL symptoms - during my first month of being on venlafaxine. I kept telling myself, "this is going to make you better, you've been through worse than this," etc. I laid in bed, my sheets wet from unstoppable sweat, my mind in one hallucination after another, too ill to eat, twitching, having no control of my muscles, crying, tired, hopeless and helpless, on and on. I had to make it one day to the next, failing to sleep for days at at time. 'This will make me better," I kept telling myself. And my body and mind finally adjusted to the point of tolerating the drug, and as months passed I got better. I started on 75mg per day and have been at 225mg for about 6 months? I can't get enough of my friends now. I am interested in life again. It's a beautiful thing.
Today I had so many neighbors in my apartment that some had to stand in the bathroom.
And it did - and does - make me feel better, because, yes, I had been through worse.
And today I can laugh again and make others laugh. I still have physical issues that suck but my depression is gone. It's a strange thing to say... I waited for months, thinking that this was just a 'lite' manic phase that would pass. But, no, that wasn't it. I was actually leaving my apartment each day to sit outside in the SUNSHINE with my NEIGHBORS and although I'm not the same person that I was 20+ years ago, I like myself.
I no longer beat up on myself. I asked forgiveness to those whom I hurt the most and, with a single exception, I have been forgiven and I have forgiven myself. With a partnership of a wee bit of psychotherapy and a larger part of my time on venlafaxine, I have realized that I'm not - nor ever was - an evil monster.
All of those bad things that I couldn't get out of my mind, each tiny mistake that I made, none of those things made me bad. All of the losses that I blamed on myself? I wasn't responsible for at all, not at all.
So, yes, I experienced all of those things that you're feeling - and much, much worse - when I started the drug and the 'cure' didn't happen in the first or second month(s). Not even in the first year. I consider CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to be a sort of accepted form of Scientology - but, yes, I tried it (CBT, not Scientology) but couldn't stop giggling at the premise -> change the way you think and you'll change the way that you feel?
Peachy.
My recovery from depression was due to venlafaxine and a slow-to-realize realization that my feelings were unrealistic - not so much the way in which I thought. My way of thinking was logical, it made sense, it led me to true conclusions that could be verified by every shrink that I had over a 31-year period. Had X happened? Yes. Had I hurt Y intentionally? Of course I had. Did I realize that the only outcome would be Z? Yes, but my hope was that I would not be found out. There were twists and turns before feelings got in the way.
But I can't say that the expectations of my thinking were faulty; only the expectations of my feelings. And, yes, both CBT and Scientology can destroy that myth. But it worked for me. Along with the venlafaxine, it worked and is working for me.