Just tired of battling... Wish Boss understood

Treatment and medication
1

I'll try to keep to the cliff notes, but there's so much to say.. 

I've been on Venlafaxine for about 10yrs & for (almost) the last 2yrs I've been really struggling. I was on a whopping dose, but slowly I've managed to reduce it down to 150mg per day which I’ve been on for the last 5 yrs (can’t seem to get lower than that without crashing), but as I say the last couple of years have been hard & getting harder.

I, like others have noticed the difference between the capsule & table form. I have the slow release tablets, but they are not the same as the capsules (no matter what anyone says!). I don't know why, but they are. When the tablets were first introduced I'd sometimes get capsules & sometimes tablets. After a year of yo-yoing between the two types, it was clear that I was better on capsules & went downhill on the tablet form, but GP states they are the same... They maybe, but they don't work the same.

On top of that I've had a new boss at work & there's been huge change. My job is unrecognisable to what it was 2yrs ago & I don't know where I am from one day to the next. I feel more like a girl Friday/Gofer.

Anyway that’s not helping either & I’m feeling so stuck as our home comes with our jobs, so to change means to move & we can’t afford that. My hubby tries so hard to understand, but see’s that I’m struggling very much under the new bosses.

I’m darn good at what my job was & I’ve adjusted & taken on the extra work of the people who used to work under me before they all left, yet my boss makes me doubt my worth & I know she doesn’t mean to. I also have to run her business sometimes while she’s away & as I only step in & out of it every few months, it’s hard to remember everything, especially as I’ve never been given more than 5mins training. I make silly mistakes & she’s understandably cross about it, so calls me up outside work & puts me under pressure. I.e. we we’re an hour before collecting our son for his 18th birthday party & she phones to have a pop about me sending the wrong patterned item to someone (silly error, but her timing..) so I spent the next hour or so in tears. Yesterday was my day off & she called in the morning to say I’d possibly sent the wrong size to someone (the customer hasn’t been in-touch, but she thinks I have) & I also sent a parcel 1st when it should have been 2nd class. Result, I spent the rest of my day feeling really low & get a banging head by lunch, which wrecked my night’s sleep & is still growing now = I’m off sick. I never did sick since my breakdown 10 years ago, yet I must have had 2+ weeks off sick in the last 20 months.

So what am I asking? I guess I’m looking for a bit of support & maybe some pointers to any useful literature that I can point my boss towards, to see if she can try to understand mental health & also how 150mg of happy pills fuzzes my head (mornings are always the worst & when all my silly errors occur).  Of 60+ orders over the last week, I’ve made 3 silly errors (that I know of) & won over a hard grumpy customer, as well as trying to do my own job.Just feel I need a way out & as my lottery win didn’t come about again last night, I can’t seem to see one. I can feel that horrid darkness nipping at my edges & I’m so tired of battling it. Everything seems to be a flipping battle!

2

Hi Sally I know what you are going through I was in a similar position but fortunately my job was not tied to my home I could not please my boss whatever I did she was always on my case and as staff left she said we didn't need them and gave me their work I was an office manager in a women's charity but there was no charity for me or my staff on a daily basis she expected me to produce reports and yearly figures at the drop of a hat then expected me to clean the toilets and change light bulbs for huge chandeliers up a ladder I can only say was climbing a mountain I had to switch between roles as and when she told me to oh also I was the licensse of the restaurant and the bar area and cooked when the chef didn't turn up,I can see where I went wrong on reflection because in the beginning I was so eager to please that I ended up having a breakdown with work related stress then she turned her back on me and wouldn't let me return to work, I did try to talk to her but she would never listen and told me I was useless at my job how do you deal with a woman like this yes a woman if it was a man I could have expected this but another woman, I should not have allowed her into my private space ie my home time I should not have answered the phone and jumped when she said jump I should have been more confident and not apologised every time she said I made a mistake I'm human we do make mistakes when we are under pressure and it should not be impossible to approach them and calmy say this can not go on you can only do one task at a time we are not born multitaskers at home we have to be but not at work and this is where I think I allowed her to continue to treat me in this way, it's time to stop answering her calls when you are finished work ie after your contractual hours, not being available when you are not at work and not trying to everything at high speed you are good at your job but what is your job these days you need help and if they don't recognise that the only wY to show them is working to rule ie just your main job and nothing else,they sound like they are in a panic and passing it all over to you as my boss did if I hadn't gone off sick I would have jumped off the train platform that's how I used to feel every day on my way in it spiralled out of control because I allowed it to get that way you have to realise you can never please them so give up trying they need you more than they realise so it's time to stand back and let it all go wrong that's the only way they will understand you can't do it all. I am also on venlafaxine and have been for 8 years and am tapering off now as I feel it's time but... You can't do this when you are under such pressure. Remember you must look after your health first because nothing else matters and you need to take time for you, how dare they contact you before your sons birthday we cannot allow this to affect our family time.

goood luck be strong you can do it

kind regards suexx

3

Hello eostre, I'm not surprised you're getting a bit desperate! Firstly, I think you are being far too charitable to your female boss. I am sure she knows what she's doing, which is being unprofessional, a poor manager and a bully. No one should be expected to do the job of several people and not make any errors, it's just not possible! Also, without proper training and preparation for when she goes away and leaves you in charge, it is too much too ask of anyone. Do colleagues at work know that you have mental health problems? Are you able to talk to your boss about this? Have you got a Union you can turn to for advice? I agree it's difficult if you live in tied accomodation but that doesn't mean you can be expected to take everything that is thrown at you! Contacting you outside work is unforgivable, particularly when it involves having a go at you!  You have the right to say no to this but only you can assert yourself and I appreciate how difficult this is when you feel so low. This is where your husband has to step in and speak for you!. I think you have done amazingly well to cope for as long as you have but don't blame the Venlafaxine for not doing it's job when clearly you are battling to stop yourself falling into a depressive episode!. 

I have been taking Lithium and Venlafaxine for 17 years. The meds have been a godsend to me but now I am very slowly weaning myself off the Venlafaxine as I was retired on ill health grounds three years ago, passed the menopause and haven't been ill for three years so time to come off if I can. I know what it's like to work and raise a family, I know what it's like to be surrounded at work by people who think mental illness is self invented and just shows evidence of weakness. It can be very difficult to battle against this tide of ignorance and animosity.

Plan of action: 1) stop blaming yourself! Look outside of yourself objectively and see what is going on.2)Talk to your husband about what you need to do to protect your mental health and plan a future for you and your family. 3) Go to your doctor and explain how you feel. Take a good amount of time off sick - you cannot be sacked for taking legitimate sick absence - and if your doctor feels you should increase your Venlafaxine for a while then DO IT! It does not mean you have failed, it means you are being sensible and protecting your mental health (for all your family's sake). Over the years I have had many ups and downs and fluctuations in the amount of my medication. I hated increasing my dosage but eventually realised that it was the only practical thing to do, along with sleep and stress reduction! 4) Stop struggling. Be kind to yourself and remember that you will feel stronger and happier when you come out the other side. 5)Then you can look at how to change your life to maximise your mental health and believe me there are always ways that can be done but you must prioritise you first.

I'm sorry I've gone on so long but I do feel for you and I do understand what it's like to feel trapped - only you aren't trapped but must seek help and get support to do what you know you need to do. 

Love and a hug to you,

Be Mindful (Sue) x

4

You are right the generic tablets are not the same as named Effexor.  I asked my doctor to put me back on the brand.  Doctors prescriube the generic because it is cheaper, but it is definitely not so effective.  Ask your doctor to always prescribed the brand Effexor not Venlafaxine.

I lost jobs because of depression.  No bosses do not understasnd.  I took mine, the Police force in my country to a tribunal,but I lost.  I was faced with HR and could not compete.  When I came out of a psychiatric hospital and went back to work my boss made life very difficult for me. 

I do want support you, and here I am telling you how bad my working life was.  sorry.  Well I went on Sickness Benefit with depression when I could not work any longer.  I know exactly how you are feeling.  I am so sorry.  What is it with people who do not understand the illness depression.  first I would go back to the doctor and make sure you get prescribed brand Effexor.  You will feel better then. 

Many people just do not understand mental health problems if they have never had them.  Mornings, I think, are the worst for most people, even those not on medication.  Your boss is just not the understanding type.  More fool her.  Anybody can make small errors, I bet she has done it lots of times.  don't beat yourself up.  You are doing really great.  Well done.  Give yourself a pat on the back.

I have battled for over 20 years, and still doing so.  You battle as best you can.  Life is a constant battle, and not only for us with mental health problems.  I have had a really long hard battle with depression.  Overdose, hospital, lost job, lost house, lost relationship all because of depression.  I am still battling.  No choice really.  I am just thankful for the good days.  Today however has been a difficult battling all day day.

Take care, and I hope things improve for you.  Keep posting if it helps.

5

I work in a controlled publication library - the manual used to be 108 pages. eerg

Im level 5 in Public Service. Have a level 7 Supervisor who wants peace and quiet so agrees with most agressive person.

Have lvl 2 who thinks they are the Manager. Shes been here longer than me so "knows" what the Library should do. Is happy to disrespect my authority and "I'm emotional now" escalate any issue that I stand up for my supervisor. [by the way this even happened just after I said that I was going off the VF tablets and I suggested that I may have some emotional side effects.. basically she deliberately tried provoking my withdrawl symptoms so I would overract and give something for her to use.] One word for this place = "TOXIC"

- L2 accused me of sexism because I asked them to be on standby to take a photo In case the female I needed to take a photo of

for the staff wepsite was uncomfortable about a male taking the picture.

Before anything happesns here, the QA (lvl6) pokes his nose in. he has 4 phases. 1. talk about anything, 2. rip up your wish

into cant be done bits. 3. tell me i'm immature for wanting supportive rules. 4. suggest solution which is my version. 2.5hrs

SUGGEST:

Write the processes down in a logical order maybe

Incoming

(orders, payments, )

Outgoing

(deliveries, )

Make a Checklist - nothing special, just text

[ ] Clients details

[ ] Name, etc on our database

[ ] Check size with client

[ ] Check colour

One process is "After Hours Contact"

## Here you specify when / how the boss is going to contact you, and about what - ie if situation is Desperate compared to Enquiry that boss doesn't know about.

If you extend [] you can put date/time

~~~~~

Agree with boss that this is the correct process, effectively sign them off.

Use checklist for everything.

Now the Advantages of this is:

Boss has agreed to this so cannot tell you you did the wrong thing.

At the end of the month, you have a nice bunch of paperwork to show as a progress report.

When you are passing stuff onto boss, and they are passing back, simply place the paper in the correct inbox for processing

REMEMBER that you can always say, 'hey' what does it say on the process? and push it back to the boss.

If boss is really bad, them keep all the checklists in text - and send them to yourself in email.

it gives you backup / privacy, and a time /date stamp if anything legal needs to be discussed.

ie "well I did respond within two hours - the paperwork clearly states that I filled out the form at 11:23pm, and within the agreed 2 hour response time I have this email showing the completed process A sent at 12:14pm"

SO MUCH WORK just to cover yourself though!!

Send stuff to yourself.

"OK Carol wants me to do this.. "

Get accused of using this against her while they use it againt you, but

at least you can prepare for that.

Hope this helps.

6

Thank you everyone for your kind & supportive comments, it’s good to know we’re not as alone as we feel.

Felt ok when I woke up this morning, had a shower & got ready for work… Then the tears started, no reason apart from the dread of work.. I booked myself into the doctors, so was only at work for just over 2 hrs. The good news is the Doctor put me back on the capsules & also called the community mental health team to speed my appointment up with them, as she doesn’t think I can wait until the end of the month. Waiting for a call from them now, so hopefully they can help & maybe adjust my meds if need be.

Why can’t someone just find the little switch in our brains to override this illness & make things easier? Maybe one day

7

I am so pleased you have seen the doctor and got medication and a referral.  Well done.  Hopefully you feel better already having made that step.

As you see, we are all rooting for you.  Good luck, and keep in touch.

8

I watched a Documentary DVD from Dr Winston on the Brain / memory etc.. how someone can remember each card's position in 3 packs of cards..

There was a person that had some sort of brain problem and then placed a probe in an area and (she was sord of consious) she went into hysteria, couldn't stop being anguished. Probe removed and it stopped, so they know from years back that it is possible..

Maybe the fix would be to modify a heart pacemaker to send good zaps to the right areas of the brain.

9

I lost my job in January due to depression. i so can empathize, it made me turn to self employment

10

There is so much information now out there fro employers and the laws about give their staff time to readjust. The government have a site  but obviously we arent allowed to put url in the messages :0( gov . uk is best place to go thou )