Had a bad day today, everyday is bad but past few days haven't been quite so bad as usual...now? Well now I realise not to think/hope/pray that it'll last because it just doesn't! At least not for me! And even if it did it's no life to live! Feel I can't win! Life is frigging tough! Used to think I was stuck in a rut...now I'm coming to realise that the "rut" is just my life!.....my life? If only that was all I had to worry about! I have 5 little lives that come before mine and feel like I'm ruining theirs...actually I know I am and I hate it!!! Nothing I want/need/try ever seems to help and without sounding even more ridiculous than I am....I feel like I'm cursed! Feel like anything I try/do just doesn't work or isn't enough
You said one very important thing in your rant here, Dondons, you said that life is tough....and it is. For some it's harder than others, and then they have to be braver and stronger than the rest. YOU ARE. You will not let those five little lives down.
I admire you so much, I have watched your struggles and seen how you have supported others, you are needed. You are special.
I wish I could help more. I just want you to know that you are appreciated more than you know.
Pat xxx
That's really kind of you to say, thank you xx
But I really don't feel that way, i don't feel strong in any way, shape or form infact it's just the opposite x
Hi dondons
raising 5 little ones is a very hard job at the best of times, when unwell it's a massive achievement to be responsible for so many. I raised four children on my own and can really relate to how tough it must be for you. Do you get support from your family with the little ones? I think you desperately need a break, 'you time'
Try listing the things/situations that make you feel in a rut. Then try listing what you could do to ease or remove the rut. eg . Money problems off to citizens advice (or something similar debt management) if not in the UK.
Child care. ..explore if you can get any external help or eligible for funding a certain amount of hours childcare.
If it's relationships...how can they be made better etc.
my guess it's an accumulation of feeling unwell and juggling all your responsibilities. If you can get a break, I think it would really benefit you. Are you in the UK? If so, consider tapping into support from charitable organisations or perhaps chatting with a duty social worker attached to your local council. (They may be able to give you funding for help)
I know you have had a bad day today, tomorrow will bring new challenges. List and plan what you can do to make life a little easier for yourself.
You are not cursed, but feeling unwell and overwhelmed.
God bless ♥♥♥
Thank you for your reply xx
I have help from my family, I'm currently living at my sisters with my 4 youngest, my eldest, she's 16 is having her first counselling session tomorrow, I got her an appointment with my counsellor, feel like he needs to open his diary up for the other 4 as all I'm doing is messing their lives up! Everytime I've tried to take my life people have said "think of the children" but what they don't get is that that's exactly what I'm doing!
Bless you dondons
you would be messing up their lives if you were not there for them. But you are there for them and they know they are loved. Are your other children of an age where they can understand mummy's not well? If they grasp the fact that it's an illness, they will be able to accept and adapt. Their comfort will be in knowing 'it's not anything they are doing' mummy's unwell today.
Are you in the UK Don? If so see if you qualify to tap into 'direct payments' from social services. You can spend this money, anyway you like to help you and your family.
don't be so hard on yourself. ..you are doing amazing in very difficult circumstances ♥♥♥
I'm always in a rut.
My daughter is 16, my son has just turned 14, my baby boy has just turned 8 and my twin girls are 6 x
I am messing up their lives, wish I could say I wasn't but I am! The babies don't understand, kids are resilient though right? I only wish that were true! Kids should enjoy life and not have any worries, it's just not fair on them, I hate that I'm like this I honestly feel they'd be better off in the long run without me.
Yes I'm in the uk, money is the very least of my worries though, never had it, don't even want it, just want some kinda Normal life for my children...and me xx
Carry on being strong..no hurting yourself.
I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are clearly trying very hard to improve the quality of your life and the lives of your children. I do think you should pursue your talent for writing. ♥♥
I hope that everything gets better for you. Just remember that those 5 children of yours need you, & try to show them a lot of love. In turn, their happiness will ease your pain (even if only a little bit).
They need so much more than me, they know I love them, I know that much, I show them a lot of love but I also show them a lot of misery (not meaning to) but you ("I" can't hide the truth as much as I try they all know I'm "poorly" but they don't get it...I don't get it! It just it what it is and feel there's nothing I can do (that I haven't already tried) to shield them from it xx
Not sure how that smiley got in there...sorry x
All I've got to say, is keep pushing through this for them. You deserve happiness, & so do they.
Xx
I have tried, if im honest I'm not sure what else there is to try xx
Depression is ugly, & I've had it, since my dad passed away.. I wish you the best. Keep your head up, & never give up.
Thank you, wishing better days for you but think ive given up now so angry and frustrated with myself with life! xx
I can understand. I am raising three little lives and I beat myself up inside. I hope that I do not teach them how to live in a rut. I have times when I envision myself having great energy and taking walks with them to show them a healthy balance in life. But instead I stay inside with no energy. My newest antidepressant is showing some promise.
Keep on keeping on. For me, as much as death seems like a viable option at times, I just do not know what is on the other side of it. Is it really worth it? Since those who have crossed that line cannot tell me any facts, I figure what I think up in my head about death bringing relief, must be a lie.
Take care,
Dawn, USA
I get that. And I take it a step further and say, what about MY pain? My last hospital admission taught me something important. I gave and gave to the needs of my children, but I forgot to replenish myself. I was on empty. I needed to refill my own tank. Yes I love my children! But my needs count too. On every air plane when they instruct us about how to use the oxygen masks, they always tell us to put our own mask on first before we try to help others.
Balance.
Good life advice. Find ways to refill your tank.
Thinking of you,
Dawn, USA
It's no problem. Thank you.