Love my hubby to bits, not married for 4 yrs yet, i really want to make love to him, but even if its just a cuddle i cringe and become really tense, why?
Hi sparky51.
I thought I'd reply to you as no one else has yet.
It can be because you have a deep seated fear of all or parts of intercourse.
Forgive me for being personal but you must think if he's ever done something or asked you to do something you haven't liked or enjoyed. Perhaps you pretended to like something when you first started being together but after a few years really don't want to go on pretending any more.
Is he gentle and try to please you or is he a bit like the roll on roll off type?
Have you got a physical or medical problem that makes things difficult for you? Has he put on weight and although you love him you just don't fancy him anymore? Does he need to shower more often? give you a bit more attention or time..Are you in debt and so worried that you just can't relax? Again forgive me if I've stepped over the boundaries but it's the subject.
You really need to sit him down and have a chat about it. You could make him a nice meal and talk over dinner, or go for a walk and bring the subject up.
This is the most difficult area of married life. Some men just can't open up. If he's one of them then it's hard for you. Marriage guidance are great. It's getting men past the door that's the problem. Once they get there they usually relax when they find it's really not so bad and can really help you both.
See if you can pluck up the courage go and see your gp, there may be a lady one you could choose. She will then be able to offer you therapy or sort out something you have been keeping to yourself. Doctors hear problems like this everyday and will not be embarrassed at all.
Or you could go yourself to a private therapist, who will be able to help you more than you realise.
Also we do not all have the same libido. Some people love sex all the time and others can take it or leave it.
My own marriage , almost 40 years, has had ups and downs in that department. Somehow we've got thropugh it all.
You obviously want things to change and love your husband. This is a very good start.
Have a think and try and do something positive to help yourself.
My very best wishes to you, hope things get better for you soon, Fanny Jane.
due lack of interest both persons will not live together and they all will be saperately.
Thanks Chris for your reply but i don't understand it really sorry. We are ecstatically happy and its me not him lol.