Libido at Zero, Feel really bad for my SO

Women's health
1

Hi Ladies,

Does anyone struggle with lack of Libido ? either due to an illness or otherwise ?

I am currently trying to change my life, i have PCOS, i am trying to lose weight under the NHS weight scheme...my whole world feels like its upside down at the moment and the person that suffers most is my partner...

He is not without his issues, its not all down to me but at least 80% is, i just cant face it, cant imagine it, cant think about it and when i do i just feel so embarrassed.

i would rather shout or tell my partner to get off me even if its only a cuddle...

i do suffer from severe anxiety and depression/body hate due to PCOS which i have only recently learned that is the underlying reason for all the negative feelings.

I am in a world where i just want to sit quiet and be left alone, not to be touched, i have so many other things to focus on that sometime a sit down in peace and quiet is a godsend but then my mind races that i am totally unfair and inconsiderate and nasty, towards my boyfriend and he needs more from me...but i cant give it to him because im trying to change for the better...

My partner does have his own ways of dealing with it and will watch a naughty film, sometimes he simply just doesnt "work" either and it just gets left, i feel bad that he has to do this but i would rather him do that than want me....

He does understand a bit more about my PCOS and i have shown him that i am not alone in it, there are others suffering the same issues but it still doesnt help me be the girlfriend i need to be to him...

2

Hello,

I know exactly how you feel. I also have PCOS and suffered from a non existent libido. It got to the point where I was making up excuses not to be intimate. It was kind of weird, like I wanted in my head but when it came to the actual act I could care less and I had no sensation, no nothing. It caused a huge strain in my relationship with my boyfriend. I recently started using the kegelmaster 2000 and taking OPC-3 and I can't believe the difference. It is like night and day.

3

Hi Emma,

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I think sometimes it can feel quite lonely having pcos with all its co-morbidities.

I have it myself and have found similar struggles. Myself and my partner have had sex once in the last 6 months. My partner is fully understanding and doesnt pressure me but I also cant help but feel a huge amount of guilt about it even tho I shouldnt.

I have also had the whole speal from numberous health professionals about weightloss and feel like I am a failure to myself because I havent managed to take off the weight, even tho I am a health professional myself and should know better.

I have been told that my plans to concieve a baby in the next couple of years will be unlikely until I my BMI is inder 30 which I am currently at 32.

On top of anxiety, low self esteem and all other aches and pains that come with pcos and my weight, the hormone fluctuation is driving me and my partner crazy which I am sure you can understand. To top it all off acne, excessive hair and ovarian pain.

We dont get a very good deal with this PCOS we didnt ask for. And it is surely not recognised enough.

But let me say to you, well done for your attempts to lose weight and change your lifestyle! Stay positive and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Its not nice being and feeling obese. I feel like a skinny girl in a fat girls body. But you can change. I can change too.

You will have your good days and bad days but you need to learn to forgive yourself and start again at the end of those bad days. The more weight lost the lesser the symptoms apparrently. You can do it!

As for your libido, maybe speak to your GP or gynae specialist and ask for advice as it is important for your relationship. I am the exact same. I could say that if i didnt have sex ever again I would not at all miss it haha. But this is abnormal and common in PCOS.

Hope things work out for you,

L

4

Hi Luis,

Thank you for your comments, I am sorry that we have to come together in such a rubbish situation. Although it is a comfort to know we are not alone in this...

I think it was Christmas that I last had any interaction with my partner and even then I didn't enjoy the experience it only added to my guilt...

I'm going on holiday to the Dominican Republic soon and although I cannot wait I am really scared about what it will lead to...

I have been working on my weight since October and although I have lost the most weight I ever have done I am still worried...I feel stuck at the moment I want to give up I'm so sick of doing all this work and still feeling rubbish...I feel tied that even when I do go out and try to spend time with my partner the guilt over what I do or eat or drink...it's so unfair to him.

I have a dietician appointment today, I have eaten out and had a drink this weekend and I'm scared they will just think I'm not committed...I guess that is just me fretting but it's hard to think otherwise...

I hope life will change one day for all of us...and we can beat this...I hope so anyway xxx

5

Thank you for your comments, I am sorry that we have to come together in such a rubbish situation. Although it is a comfort to know we are not alone in this...

I think it was Christmas that I last had any interaction with my partner and even then I didn't enjoy the experience it only added to my guilt...

I'm going on holiday to the Dominican Republic soon and although I cannot wait I am really scared about what it will lead to...

I have been working on my weight since October and although I have lost the most weight I ever have done I am still worried...I feel stuck at the moment I want to give up I'm so sick of doing all this work and still feeling rubbish...I feel tied that even when I do go out and try to spend time with my partner the guilt over what I do or eat or drink...it's so unfair to him.

I have a dietician appointment today, I have eaten out and had a drink this weekend and I'm scared they will just think I'm not committed...I guess that is just me fretting but it's hard to think otherwise...

I hope life will change one day for all of us...and we can beat this...I hope so anyway xxx

6

I jsut wanted to say thank you for this message! Great words of advise to Emma. I have recently started to feel down about my PCOS and suffer from really bad anxiety. 

The paragraph about being a skinny girl in a fat girls body and forgiving yourself reminded me that I can do this! That we can all get through it because we are strong.

Thank you!