My girlfriend has just been diagnosed with Lichen Sclerosis and I wondered if this is the end of our sex life as we know it.
Sexual activity has been minimal over the past few months and I would like to hear from others about how this condition affects Oral sex, Anal sex and full penetration.
I know she has pain but men do have sexual needs too.
I would be most grateful to hear other sufferers opinions.
I don't want you to take this wrong but if you love her it shouldn't be all about you first. Talk find out what she is going through. Make it work for both of you. See what she has lost her needs. Don't be selfish it is not just about you.
This is a forum for sufferers of Lichen Sclerosis where the majority of members are female. I empathize with your girlfriend as LS is and can be VERY painful. I can only speak for myself, but I do not want to hear nor do I care about your selfish sexual needs. I don't believe this is the forum for you.
Your girlfriend has a condition that will affect her for the rest of her life. It’s painful, embarrassing, depressing, and you feel totally isolated because you can’t tell anyone about it. I personally went through a six month period where it was too painful to even walk long enough to get groceries. And you’re worried about your “needs”? I am feeling really lucky right now to be married to a man who put his “needs” aside because he could see the emotional and physical pain I was in. Yes, you could be pleasured in ways other than vaginal penetration if that is too painful for her but you need to stop thinking about yourself. Man up and be there for her.
I, unlike the previous responses understand your concern. Hopefully with proper treatment, she will have it under control and your sex life will return as it was. Possibly with her understanding and appreciating your concern, she will have a greater appreciation for you. Don't lose hope. Sex is a part of life and maybe the previous women's responses are from women who never had a good sex life. I think it was great that you found this thread and asked your question. Good luck.
I wouldn't think having sex with you is right at the top of your girlfriends "to do" list right now. She could probably do with a hug and some compassion. She has just been diagnosed with a chronic, painful illness. Why don't you man up and give your girlfriend the support she needs?
Like a real man.
Diana believe me when I say that I am one of the most UN selfish men that a woman could ever meet.
In the bedroom department my philosophy has always been to consider the needs of my partner before my own ,at all times, so can assure you and anyone else that may respond that I'm in no way selfish.
I just wanted some advice on this issue, my partner was only diagnosed on Thursday and it's come as a bit of a bombshell to both of us.
I could live without sex permanently if I had to so am seeking advice for BOTH of us. ...
I think your right, because the two responses I've seen so far have been full of negativity
That's great. She will need you
Hello,
Sorry you are feeling a bit lost about this condition your girlfriend has. It can be really hard on both of you. My husband and I have worked things out, it has been hard at times. I feel less than whole sexually sometimes. I am currently feeling pretty well, the ticket for me was eliminating wheat. Lots of lube helps with regular sex, and we can't go on for too long because my skin will tear. If I am having even a mild flare, recovery after sex is brutal, there are tiny tears in the skin. Oral sex for me is a no-go anymore, which is a TOTAL BUMMER because saliva feels like acid. I am not kidding. AWFUL. Anal is not my thing, so can't comment on that. But imagine if every time you had sex the skin on your penis tore all over in different places, and imagine if the most tender pleasurable parts of you disappeared altogether and it was almost impossible to have an orgasm at all. And then as it starts to heal a bit it doesn't exactly feel much better really, it feels like an itch that is on fire, can't sleep, can't wear any underwear can't focus on anything at all. It's torture to your most intimate parts, and that affects your whole outlook on life and others. It's depressing as hell. Try your best to support and understand, grab a magazine and head for the bathroom if you need some relief on your own. Don't cheat, don't get angry. The more support you give, the better is is for both of you, I promise. Good Luck to you both!
Dee thanks for your response and understanding, unfortunately the general response on here seems to be that I am a typical selfish male who thinks only of himself.
Responses that have made me realise that this obviously isn't the site for me, I mistakenly thought this was a site where I could get some valuable insight to a condition that is going to affect both of us.
Unfortunately there seems to be too many small minded individuals on here.
Therefore I shall go elsewhere for the help and advice I was hoping to find here. ........
Just want to add that anal is probably "out" as the disease often extends to the skin in that region also.
I can't really give you any good answers. My LS was horribly active during my younger years but I *always* *always* had irritation for probably a week after sex. Due to the condition, frequency of sex was probably not what a younger man had in mind. You need to have a good, long "think" to yourself to see if this is something you can live with without resentment.
Hi Marky, It doesn't have to be the end of your sex life once the LS is managed which is possible and many people do have a sex life and define it however they want to. Also you might have fun with different size dialtors so that penetration from you becomes easier and easier. A friend of mine's doctor recommended them. They come in a package of like 5 or 6 and you work up to the size you can handle. The couple I know had a ball. Look Marky, everyone has something. I don't know how old you are, but when you really love someone, you do a workaround. RIght now your girlfriend is going through hell trying to figure out how to manage the pain and integrating this new upset in her life. It ain't pretty, but it's manageable.
Hi Mark, I applaud you for entering this arena. I wish my partner would have been as sensitive. It is too soon to panic, Your situation with your loved one may well be manageable. There is hope, for sure. Education is the way to approach this. If she finds a knowledgeable doctor, go with her. Stay positive,dear. I have a feeling that you both will survive this. Sorry for the negativity from others.
It's not negative attitude. My first thought was for her. Making her feel good about herself. Knowing that she has others that care.
I have been married since I was 17. 45 years. He still loves me.
What part of I know she's in pain but men have needs is sensitive?
Sonya, I think he is trying to figure it out. I doubt that he would deliberately put himself in our midst, to be ridiculed. Don't forget it is rather mind blowing when you first find out. I remember my reaction and my partner's reaction in the beginning. We have since dealt with it differently than when first diagnosed. It has gone through different stages. More at peace now, but not so in the beginning, just like any life changing health disorder..
Hi Marky. I'm sorry you have received some hostile responses to your open and honest question. Sadly I can't tell a positive story re a full/wonderful sex life. However, me and my husband do have "fun" in the bedroom and we have been able to conceive two wonderful children. Hopefully there are lots of women who are enjoying good sex lives whilst living with LS, but because of minimal impact on their day to day life they are not as active on sites like this. My main reason to respond to you however, is just to say that it is hard on the partners of people suffering with LS and it would be natural to be sad about a lack of sex life (if this were to be the case in your relationship), but please know that there are many men (and women) out there who for various reasons don't have a full/active sex life with their other half. Far more than I think society would have you believe. I say this because I think it can be easy to get depressed by the idea that you are the only one out there not having sex all the time and you can feel isolated and this can impact negatively on your relationship. Whereas if you focus on the things you can enjoy doing together sexually along with the love you have for each other then life is good x
Hello-
So I think LS affects people different ways. Not sure what your GF is experiencing so my answer may not be of any help.
My one symptom is severe itching to the point where I’ve cut myself open. And even though it sucks I consider myself lucky that’s my one ailment ( so far).
I can have sex w/o pain. As for oral sex I opt not to because I don’t want my husband to contract anything orally. I kind of live in fear of lichen planus (lichen sclerosis of the mouth). My GYN did say it’s not contagious but I’m not messing around with this and frankly don’t trust drs know enough about this. Good luck. I think it’s great that you’re researching this.