I Have made myself ill the way I have conducted my life especially this past 5 or so years. All my own doing All my own fault more or less. last week I ended up seeing a doctor for tests as they think I have had a mini stoke and If thats the case its down to how I have lived. On one hand I have Gambled lots of money and I think this was done to escape the misery of life. I have some debts now what I am dealing with. On the other I have been living 2 lives, one at home with my long term partner who has slept in different bed to me for the last 12 years , we have a daughter of 14, who I love dearly .I have for the past 5 years been seeing another woman who is good to me and we get along great but when its time to go I have to deal with her picking at me for not leaving my home and kid to live with her, I have brought all this on myself, I just want to be normal , no have to sneak about, put the phone on silent , make constant excuses , to both women in my life, some will say leave home and be happy, I know this will break my kids heart, the othe woman has put up with me for 5 years and its not fair on any one what is happening. I dont want any one hurt but thats impossble, so here I am gutted and looking like its made me really ill with worry and stress, thats it more or less.
Hi, there isn't really an easy way to deal with your situation.
Is your daughter aware that you sleep separately from your partner. At 14 she may be old enough to understand that it's no-ones fault, that sometimes relationships don't work. It isn't fair on anyone for things to continue this way. Five years is a long time to live two lives, no wonder you are stressed about it.
Are your debts manageable or have you sought help for them? Whatever decisions you make, there are loads of people on these boards that will be supportive in times ahead. Sometimes just writing about things helps, makes it clearer for you.
in an ideal world, what would your situation be?
I'm sure none of this has been helpful but I'm afraid I don't have much experience with your issues, except for stress for different reasons. Living with depression has taught me a lot about life though. Hiding from your issues won't help, you will have to change something.
hope you're ok
roxi
Hi the most important thing is to sort things out whichever way you think is best for you and hurts the least number of people. The second most important thing is to recognise how positive you are being now. You have made a mess of things but don't forget you are human and we all mess things up sometimes don't we? It's part of being human. The main thing is that you learn from your mistakes and understand why you made them so this sort of thing doesn't happen again. x
Sleeping in different rooms does not mean the relationship has broken down. My husband and I have been married 25 years and been together for 33 years. We have slept in separate rooms for 30 years! But we have sex on average 3 times a week. Sleeping in separate rooms is just bliss!
However, if you mean by separate rooms, there is no sex, and no love, then this is quite different. Your daughter is in a crutial time in her education and so I would advise that you stay with her mother until after her GCSEs. If your girlfriend cannot understand that, then she is not the one for you.
As for the gambling, you need to get help. Go and see your GP and see what can be done to help you with this addiction.