I;m currently on my two weeks leave from work, on second week, I have tried so hard to do one positive thing a day. some days more successful than other, ended up out walking along the canal in the early hours of the morning, another night/morning saw the dawn rise as just couldn't face going home. Eaten rubbish, drunk too much, self harmed, suicidal thoughts talked to Dr's attended Dr;s emergency appointments, been told to take all medication I have to the chemist Haven;t cos I want that option. Even done some housework as my sister is coming to stay, crying sitting in the car in the car park as couldn't face going into the supermarket ti buy stuff for her, did in the end after taking diazepam.
Got my letter from psychiatrist - my diagnosis have evolved to adjustment disorder and probable BPD unspecified,, emotionally unstable personality disorder - still awaiting therapy, Rang Samaritans today as in such a state advised to phone gp got the third degree from receptionist as they were fully booked up I know they are only doing their job so hung up saying forget it. Self harmed in temper, went out driving, ended at canal again. Dr rung me will be referring me back for cpn, I said no point not sure if he is ringing me tomorrow I think he said he;d get someone to ring. Don't know don't really care. So tired of keep trying..................
Feel so bad, sad, unhappy, pathetic, useless, can't face things, got to go back to work next week, have even been looking at applying for another job but am I good enough???? Not sure what I;m saying really just so fed up, want to sleep for ever, dr told me I would be sick if I took to many of the pills she gave me the other week but one did help with sleep made me so dozy the next day too nothing new there.
Sorry I;m rambling now cos my head is a mess...........
Press the button or not as this all sounds so stupid bit like me!!!!!!!!!
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Good to hear from you sorry things are still not that great with you either, yes we just keep plodding on for now. At least the GP phoned me back this morning to see how I was and offered a med certificate for next week if things are still too bad for work.
I've got to collect my sister from the rail station soon getting very anxious about her stay but put on the brave face so not to upset or worry her too much,
It's now nearly 3am, been chatting to my sister about various things not too deep but feel still really low, useless can't see the point in keep trying , planned things to do making the effort but what for to keep other people happy so they don't worry. Why ???? I don't know the answer other posts are so close to triggering actions maybe I should just say stuff it and give in at least my life would be over but is that fair!! I just feel so confused, befuddled if that's a word. Night all.
Hey. It seems to me that you are thinking too much and have distorted thoughts towards everything in your life, be it your treatment or your work. See, life does not always make you happy, it will give you both things in mixture. If you go through a phase of happiness, cherish it and if I does not happen, then keep going and wait for it. Nothing lasts long, not even happiness. You should begin to look positively towards life. Smile a little and do things which you want to. Don't force yourself, just remain happy, positive and optimistic, good things may come to you. Don't worry too much. You will be okay. I recently consulted eWellness Expert which is an online platform wherein they have counsellors with wide experience in their field, who can help you in case you cannot handle your mental and emotional problems by yourself. Hope this helps. Take care
I'm awake too. had zopiclone promazine and nytol with my hot chocolate although I probably shouldn't but sleep is my only respite,!! But my body poss new anti depressants keeping me awake. Night hun. hun tomorrows a new day huh xx
Hi thanks to you all for your support, had a good day out today with my sister, chocolate cake, saw a wild sea otter, sat out by the sea looking for dolphins, visited the grand children and I even cooked a meal so why to I feel so anxious sick even late last night I wanted to rip open my stomach sorry if this offends anyone I still feel so pathetic, don't want to go back to work next week, just don't want to face life anymore just don't want to do this it all feels so false. Does that m a ke sense.
Hi thanks everyone for your support this site and my internet is doing my head in. Had a good day with my sister, chocolate cake, saw a wild sea otter, sat out by the sea looking for dolphins, visited the grandchildren and i even cooked a meal so why do I feel so anxious, sick even late last night I wanted to rip open my stomach (sorry if i offend anyone) I still feel so pathetic, I don;t want to go back to work next week, just don;t want to face life anymore just don't want to to this it feels so false. Does this make sense. sorry if this appears twice internet problems!!!!!
It makes sense hun. It sounds a nice day tho if you were feeling well. Wish u were bless you xx my friend is visiting this weekend so i will push myself to go somewhere if the weather is nice. Enjoy the rest of your stay with your sister luv xx
I hope you had a lovely weekend and managed to go somewhere nice. Went on a few walks with my sister got soaked on one of them,
First day back at work absolute rubbish already back to self harming in the loos and taking diazepam been advised to request further referral to occupational health for advice. Will have to see what my boss has to say about that I suppose. Bed soon as been up since 5am got to be at work early tomorrow too, great fun!!!!!
Oh no luv. Thought it might be hard for u today. I'm sad to say I've not had a great weekend mood wise but was thankful my friend was here. I'm still struggling with unrequited love no matter how much I know that relationship wasn't meant to be and difficult times with my daughter which is beyond heartbreaking.... Anyway day 6 of new tablets no change except lower mood to be expected. I'm hoping for brighter days soon. Hope work is easier tomorrow hun and that u sleep well xx :0)