Living with HSV1 and 2, how is that even possible?!

Sexual health
1

Hi

I just discovered this site a few minutes ago. I feel like a diseased monster.

This was one of the worst instances of my life. This is my first soul-crushing—I mean outbreak.

I just visited my family overseas for two weeks in the Mediterranean and it’s when I was on the plane-ride back did I start to feel a discomforting, razorburn-like pain. However with razor-burn, usually the pain goes away, not intensifies and shoots down your right leg and into your stomach.

After three agonizing days of trudging back and forth to work, and thinking up worst-case-scenarios of whether or not I had parasites, (I do! I must! I ate so much pork!)

I FINALLY went to the Hospital on a Saturday night.

When I went to the ER, someone upstairs in the clouds must’ve thought it was funny to give me a grad student? I’ll call her Doctor-Baby. The Doctor-Baby was rude and told me to bend over. She told my boyfriend to leave the room.

She looked at my ass and without missing a beat called in her MALE supervisor to look also. Doctor-Baby already knew. She said she knew to me also but she wanted a “second opinion”. Freakin’ awesome. It’s not terrible enough that they LOVE to diagnose people with incurable, life changing, heart stoppingly terrible illnesses with not a single wrinkle of emotion on their faces, but to get a gaggle of doctors around to make the patient feel like a zoo animal? That’s at least how I felt. The parent of Doctor-Baby left, told my boyfriend to come in, and now it was just me and her.

She said plainly,

“It looks to me like Genital Herpes.”

“WHAT?!?!”

I promptly flipped out. I cried. I couldn’t even look at her. She told me to lower my voice.

My boyfriend was saying something inaudible. I continued to cry for probably a few hours while a few nurses came in and they asked me questions but I don’t remember what I said.

I just remember wondering,

“Why? Why me? I’ve never had an outbreak before, wouldn’t I have had an outbreak before?

I feel like a slut. I am so filthy. I am so sorry. I hate my life. I hate myself.

Right as I think I am out, I am right back in…”

FF>> MONDAY. I had some blood taken, and due to my lack of appetite, I had not eaten much over the last three days, and I had passed out. I went to a GP and a Dermatologist and they were unsure if it was Herpes 1 or Shingles.

SHINGLES?! There’s a chance I’m not a total whore?! Let’s explore all options! Yes!

FF>>MONDAY. It’s Herpes More crying continued. More feeling worthless continued. I felt less bad though, because this was because my boyfriend had a coldsore (given to him by his mum) and I got it from him MOST LIKELY. I had to deal with him feeling guilty for a full day. I took him to my therapist, and he dealt with “feelings.”

FF>>TODAY. I received a call from my GP. She speaks a nautical-mile a minute, but what I DID gather from our phone conversation was not good. She told me that though I am currently recovering from Herpes 1, I actually do have antibodies for Herpes 2 in my blood as well and that I’ve been fighting it for quite a time. I stood rooted in place. I couldn’t move. I was speechless. I was completely and totally dumbfounded at this news. I told her I’ve NEVER had any outbreaks of ANY kind EVER. And she explained something about immunity? This was not just confusing, but dizzying and terrifying.

Right as I think I’m out, I am right back in…

I am back in the truck, struggling to breathe, the gun is next to me, and my wrists are being held down.

My arm is broken. He didn’t care. He filmed it the whole time.

One of those guys had HSV2 and I’m not sure who it was. I told my boyfriend after the doctor called me to tell me the news of having antibodies for Herpes 2. Stupid move? Probably. But if it means not spreading it, I don’t care. I still feel worthless though.

2

Awww hun i was diagnosed with herpes type 2 back in november i felt the same

I hated myself even after knowing that i had only had 2 sexual partners and one i am still with nearly 5 years into our relationship i have an outbreak....why now..

But what i will say is its not as bad as you first think. My bf used to suffer with coldsores and i caught herpes through oral sex most proberbly passed type 2 on to him but as he already has antibodies against the virus he most likely will not get an outbreak.

Iv done alot of research and nobody will ever know where it came from or how long they have had it your partner could have caught it off an ex had no symptoms slept with you passed it onto you.... if you know what i mean so theres no point hating you or anybody else it is just something that happens.

The chances of passing herpes on when there is not an outbreak present is less then 2% so try not to stress too much but chances are your partner could already have it.

Its not too bad its not curable but very managable you learn to cope with the outbreaks the first is always the worst but you learn to recognise signs of when you are going to get an outbreak and you find what works best for you and the pain you may never have another outbreak or the next will not be anywhere near as bad.

Im coping with it now and i realised there are much worse things to have its not much comfort now i know but give yourself time to recover physically and mentally and then see where you and your partner stand if theres any problem there .

But stress can bring on an outbreak aswell as too much sun research what could bring on an outbreak and you can work your way around things.

Good luck xx

3

That's what's confusing to me;

"but I will say it's not as bad as you first think. My BF used to suffer with cold sores and I caught herpes through oral sex most proverbially passed type 2 to him but as he already has antibodies against the virus he most likely will not get an outbreak."

My bf has cold sores and I most likely contracted HSV1 from him which is what I'm currently suffering from. He was NOT having an outbreak when he "passed" it to me (going off of within 10 days of infection). We never kissed or did anything. Over the past two weeks yes, but he had no indication of a cold sore.

What's bothering me is what my doctor told me about having the antibodies; it's an old infection I guess because the only times I've ever had unprotected sex were when I was raped.

I've never had any other symptoms or anything. How do the antibodies and HSV2 work? I wouldn't tell the difference between the two right? Only if it was in another place? I can still spread 2 to my boyfriend, right? This is just so much to take in. I just feel like curling up in a ball and hiding in a hole.

4

Thank you, by the way smile

5

Tbh im not sure how it all changes round from type 1 to type 2 but i do know that even using a condom you can still be infected they say from time of an outbreak upto 2 weeks after is when its most contagius. It is very wierd and its not nice and it does make you feel all these things. Maybe talk to your doctor and ask all the questions you are confused about they can explain in a way that i dont think anybody else can.

The best thing though is to try and build your immune system up i take vitamins for immune system and the best food to eat to build it up is red food ie red peppers tomatoes ect they have a certain thing in them that helps immune system.

Dont hide away though it will make you feel worse find something that makes you happy. My outbreaks now are nearly non existant i get a little one after sex but i put a bit of tea tree oil on it dries them out and they are gone the next day and its nothing compared to the first.

Please dont feel like you are dirty or that your alone because your not either it is something that happens and it happens to alot more people then what we think it is so common but some people the lucky ones will either not have an outbreak or will have a few symptoms that get mistaken for something else. We are a few of the unlucky ones that have had outbreaks but it can be used for good aswell like helping others and learning when you are going to get an outbreak

I hope you feel better soon xx

6

Thank you for your input here, and I'll definitely try the red foods. I already started eating healthier and I feel better already though they put me on another round of antivirals. Question though, do you always get an outbreak after you've had sex? I haven't had sex yet because I've felt way too disgusted with myself to let my boyfriend anywhere NEAR me. Is this a normal thing for everyone to have them appear after sex? I technically have HSV1 though, I just was exposed to 2 but never had an outbreak before (doctor said).

SO confused ><

Sorry for all the questions.

7

Not everytime no i had little outbreaks the first few times i had sex after the first initail out break i somehow have been lucky and have not had another outbreak for about a month now but i only took the meds on my first outbreak i wanted my body to fight it without them and build up antibodies against it so i wouldnt need to relie on the meds and so far its done good.

You may never have an outbreak for type 2 as your body will have antibodies already for type 1 so hopefully you wont have to go through much more.

Its ok for all the questions everyone has them when they are diagnosed.

Oh and im not sure if everyone has outbreaks after sex different things cause outbreaks for different people. Some can be stress too much sun alcohol with mine it was sex....gutted haha i guess with that it could be down to friction so just incase i always use alot of lube now lol x

8

It is so hard when you first hear that word HERPES. WTF!

I remember when I was first told at the age of 20. Not many partners, maybe 5?... but those words came out and the whole room went blurry and I stumbled out of the office holding back my tears thinking my life was over, I could never have sex again! WAAAAHH.

HEheh. But that was before I understood it. Apparently 1 in 4 or 5 people have HSV2 and a hell of a lot more have HSV1 - the cold sore type. Why do people freak the hell out so much about this thing?

Because it's on the genitals.

Most people who have it and transmit it have no idea. No symptoms. But for those unlucky ones like yourself and I ... we know. Maybe we are better off after all smile

But it is also up to us to break the stigma, and try and stop the spread!

FYI .. I have HSV2... I had 1 tiny little blister on my V about 10 years ago and never ever again. I do however get a rash above my knee and on my thigh every now and then, which is similar to maybe the itchiness of a mozi bight or eczema.

worst part of it all, is having to tell partners. Lucky for me I am married now and will never have to do it smile

9

MVThames,

I was also just recently diagnosed with herpes (still waiting for test results to see whether it's 1 or 2) but I totally understand how you feel. I have been married for 29 years and the last time either my husband or I had another partner was 31 years ago. Imagine how I felt at diagnoses. Cried and cried. Why the virus would lay dormant for so long is a mystery but not unknown. (Also on my bottom and was treated the same insensitive way by my dermatologist). Had to go to my OB/GYN for some real doctoring and bedside manner. I do not recall an initial outbreak but once it woke up I starred getting ob's monthly. Just awful even though mild. I am now on suppressive therapy acyclovir b/c valtrex made me ill. Am hoping it goes back to sleep for another 29 years!

Please know that a lot of people suffer from this and with treatment you can decrease or eliminate outbreaks. Check out herpeslife, it's a great (US) site. Lots of good info and support. Within a few months you will feel emotionally better and if you are lucky the ob's will slowly go away. At my age so many people are suffering from life threatening diseases that as long as I keep it in perspective I am ok. Good luck and be well.

10

Treatment is a Godsend. Did your husband test positive?

11

This has pleased me so much after being recently diagnosed to read that there is a less than 2%chance of passing it on when you do not have an outbreak. It provides some hope and relief at least!!