So around 20 I moved out to Colorado. At that age I enjoyed weed ; it caused the perception of a 'super reality'. My abilities and thoughts seemed so heightened! Over the course of living there, there came a time where I was able to acquire quite a bit of it ; and an idea formed in my foolish young brain : if these great effects occur from smoking it, what if I were to attempt to consume a near infinite amount of it in order to flood my body and experience a state of 'constant high'? Seemed rather brilliant back then.
Onward we go, and my experiment was in full swing. I was eating as much weed, raw and cooked, as I could. And it appeared to work. I did experience a persistent altered reality. In part it was 'fun' ; on the other side of the coin, however, was the darker side of things. In my basic self I can say that I am an eccentric personality ; with the full effects of an inundation of weed coursing through me, the eccentricity turned into a type of madness.
Needless to say, I lost proper control of myself in that state and needed to be put into the mental hospital system. I believe there were a total of three stays.
Now in the midst of one stay is where the issue of fatigue first rears its ugly head. I recall while being there, that in the beginning things were rolling along ; I might say the effects of the weed continued to linger in their own way. I was forced to take anti-psychotics and to complicate the issue of any real diagnosis, at this moment I do not recall the exact names. Well...one fine day I am out in the 'yard' where we would be allowed to go out and enjoy some fresh air at certain intervals and ...BAM....I find that it suddenly takes immense effort to walk even 5 steps.
And this became my new hell, in addition to the other 'terrors' accompanying the whole experience. (Nightmarish akathisia namely, and subsequent full on panic attacks as my body began to expect the occurrence after the pills were ingested). And the hell of being fatigued, as far as I can understand, continued on every since that one day. (I can't claim a perfect memory but I am almost totally sure that there was a very specific day (the one I described) where all energy apparently decided to leave my body).
I've noticed since then, especially in the immediate aftermath, that everything takaes way more energy than it ever used to. (I wasn't even aware of things taking that much energy really until this happened). I am posting today even thought this happened 10+ years ago at this point because the last couple days have been a horror story of feeling tired.
I have in the past (when I had the blessing of very good health insurance) gone to doctors and mentioned the fatigue and have had blood work done, but to no avail, as no root cause was every revealed. However, I never told any doctor the full story which included the mental hospital episode (I suppose when I was younger I was ashamed about this and chose not to reveal the role that played in the malady I was experiencing).
All that being said, I am now 33 years of age, a male. I exercise about 5 days a week, try to eat clean and healthy...and yet the curse of fatigue continues to haunt me to the point where I honestly prefer to be dead then to live as this zombie. There are some better days where it isn't quite as bad but over all the never ending, persistent feeling of being tired is so God damned tiring.
I wonder if there could possibly be any input regarding this strange life issue I've had to carry along with me out there?
PS. I looked up different anti-psychotic medications and I know 2 of the 3 I ended up taking are : Zyprexa and Abilify. The first one I was forced to take had after effects similar to Abilify so it was likely in that 'family' of these specific medicines . Zyprexa I was actually able to tolerate ; it just created sleepiness and hunger. Eventually I stopped taking any of these as I always knew all along that my psychosis was 90% a result of a massive weed dose and not an actual disease I had.