hi I’ve not been on here for quite a while. My life seems to be spiralling out of control. For the past year I’ve been looking after my mum who sadly passed away the end of July through cancer whilst still working full time. At the beginning of July I went to the doctor asking to be put on the sick as having been bullied by one work colleague for the past two years two other colleagues had sent me to Coventry for the past week for not laughing at a joke about me. I had asked my manager on numerous occasions to deal with the situation, she never did. Every incident over the past two years with this colleague I made notes and kept them. Going to work was very hard at times and made me very stressed. My husband noticed a change in me I was very weepy and snapped at him a lot. My doctor gave me a sick note for work related stress.I have been off work for the past two and a half months now and last week had a meeting with the area manager which was very stressful it lasted three hours. I am now waiting to be told if my grievance will be upheld or not. I am so worried I have worked all my life and have never experienced bullying before. I am scared even though I made notes, which the area manger went through with me nothing will be done. I am thinking even if my grievance is upheld I can’t go back to my job and will have to look for a new job. I haven’t had to make a cv for over twenty three years am so scared of what the future holds for me my confidence has completely gone.
Hi Janet
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and I hope you realise how strong you have been . I dread the day my mother passes even though she is 88 and I am 57 . But I got to say though not bullied at work I felt after 20 years I was unhappy about lack of thanks or gratitude for things done well . It was always the knit picking of things when as a social worker I was always one step ahead of supervision guidance ! I considered going long term sick as was depressed about job and my mothers drinking but decided to just quit . Financially I could do this as I have always found that the few times I was off sick say for a week or two (at most) I always stressed about being away and returning to an uncaring management style . I can't imagine what you are going through but I do know as a carer you are probably too hard on yourself ! Don't give in to bullies and don't do anything rash . It should not be the case but perhaps your loss will enhance working relationships when you return ? We all only have 1 mum and I'm sure they must understand your hurt and pain .
Remember you are still grieving and don't be bullied back into work if things are not going to improve . My mum has since been diagnosed with Dementia though she herself is in denial . I live nigh a two hour drive away but spend long periods of time with her now I no longer work . I never regret giving up work but I do regret not perhaps changing job sooner when it became evident that holistic approach had gone to social work intervention and I would be lying if I said it has not knocked my confidence in trying something new . Fortuneatly I have a lovely husband who supports me financially and emotionally . My mums condition is very hard for me to accept as I feel I have lost my best friend already and I feel there is worse to come as illness progresses 🤕 Be proud for all you have done for your mum and do not let the bullies win . You are tougher than you think so fight your corner as what's the worst thing that can happen . A job is not the b all and end all to a person . You sound like you have a supportive husband so try not to take it out on him . See how things go with the investigation and don't be intimidated by people you are probably at your lowest ebb at the moment but stand strong and fight and don't rush back to work until you feel emotionally better . Losing a parent/s puts life in perspective and it's important to be in a job that you like and more important have the time to mourn and embrace your strengths as holding down a full time job whilst being your mums main carer is truely admirable and I have the upmost respect for you 😊 I wish you well and remember no rash decisions ! Love and light David
Hi janet - i'm so sorry to read you have been bullied in the workplace. You have done completely the right thing by keeping notes on it - so sensible! I hope you gave the management copies of them rather than the originals. If you are not satisfied with the outcome, if they threaten your position, demote or move you, dismiss your concerns, or fire you, seek legal advice. What you have done is brave - but it will change things for you. I'm wondering whether the bullying has a basis in misogyny, racism or other? If so, nail them to the floor. Best of luck - I know exactly what you are going through, it's extremely stressful, ignore the moments of regret, maintain the rage and the very best of luck to you. Go girl!