Losing my mind

Mental health
1

Alot to read but I would appreciate it if somebody heard me please read all if you do!

Ok I am posting here cause I already know my Doc's are just gonna say it's "in my head" 2008 got vertigo, patterens moving, weird beeping in my ear comes and goes off set by things like fans can be stopped by turning it off and deja vu. Which lead to high anxiety and panic (I already had social/agorihobia)

So 2013 to now

started getting interenal tremors

burning sensation causing painless muscile locking and body twist (feels better when they lock but hurts after)

Back/neck pain/shoulder that i am finding may be from the locking

a wet head sensation developed like warm water is runing don my head sometimes to the point of driping off my face

head pressure in base by neck to back of head but can spread

light snesativity

episode of the outside looking fake (derealization?)

blood taste in mouth and facial nubness

objects drifting/moving looking bigger or smaller

They locking and symptoms got EXTREAM I was gonna commit myself cause I was losing memory things were foggy and my vison sometimes blurr so on.

Nausea

excessive sleepyness

NOW

I am 20mg valium and 200mg Lamictal

Since the Lamictal I have had these symptoms lessen and space out but now they have a pattern i will gt deja vu feel sick, extream sleepyness, wet head and it will build up till i hit a "space out"

A moment where I can hear and sometimes talk but usual can't . I can't remeber what was said to me afterwards all I know is I can feel it coming and I start to drift and star to the side and just figet sometimes I don't know I get holes in my clothes from biting. I never started sacing out until I started AED's (I have tried 3 of them) However just the same I never had a brak in symptoms until them.

Along with the space outs my body sometimes tremors as well and old medication that use to be no big deal can cause full body shakes and I bite my tounge till it passes (about a hour or 2 and I am awake the whole time)

So since 2013 I havn't been able to go out or do much but sit because i don't want to be standing when anything happens or fall.

Problem is my psych thinks its Neruological (forgive my grammer and mispellings I am so tired and my head is wet) And my PCP keeps saying it is probly in my head but because my psychiatrist called the PCP to tell her she thinks something is up she gave me a refferal to the neuro.

Anyway I know when I see the neuro who happens to be a pychiatrist as well I will be pre judged as I always am and dismissed.

I can't get a new PCP or anything my insurance won't cover another.

I just can't stand it no more the lock and shakes and all make me to afraid to move the wet hea dmakes me feel insane I told them If they can't fix this I will off myself I can't live like this no more.

Does anyone else have the wet head/locking and all that?

If so was it just anxiety?

I tired calming down alot of times I was feeling ok or good before it sticks and when It passes I am usually really tired but after the sleepyness passes I am right back to normal like nothing happend!

When I lock it is embaressing cause I fold my hand to my chest and (not to be rude but to give visual. I do like the "retard" sign kids give in school) or random flias of the limbs. My feet and legs lck and in my spine. If I resist the locking the brning grows and soon I wont be able to be in control of the lock it will lock everything till I am done and the prolong locking leaves behinde pain when done.

I rambled I am sorry this is so long.

I know nobodys a doctor but I am tired of being blow off beecause I was told I have anxiety and "Bi polar" Once a Doc hears that they write me off.

So any opions on these sympotms or anyone who can relate id love to hear them or you're similar symptoms!

(These are not all my symptoms infact I listed the non normal ones I have many typical anxity symptoms like chest pain,faint feeling so on but these are not like them)

I will answer ?'s if you got any.

Again sorry for my mispellings and grammer I am not in a good state. I think I jamble dthis up and made it confusing if easier I could give a example of how a day (or week) goes when it happens to make the symptoms and "space outs" more clear to understand.

 

2

The symptoms should be examined by a nuero with hopefully some of the cervical spine to see whats going on with your neck and the locking thing. You dont sound crazy you sounf like theres something going in with your nervous system but i dont know the science of those meds and the amounts.Saying that ...theres a lot on there some that are  anxiety and a few medicine related. They have you on a lot of valium. Valium is a benzo as you know and addicting., has side effects and 20mg is a substantial amount. Your meds just seem too high overall but again im not a doctor. Ik your under a drs care and nothing should be altered without a doctor consent and guidance.Brain fog and valium are inter related. It would be nice if maybe they reevaluated your meds and very slowly weaned you to a much lower doses then off and tried a different medication, it would be a long slow process so withdrawls could be tolerated. Im not a doctor just know its rough weaning off these meds and benzos i had got off benzo 23 years ago and i was on only a small amount and it was rough, doable cause im here now, but it was difficult. Something to discuss with your therapist and maybe ask the nuero about as  well. When you go to the nuerologist, and you should write it all out as you did here and be sure to note the medicines and amiunt and ask abiut these meds and get the nueros opinion.  Would say write it all out rather the. Sit there speaking really fast and rambling symptoms cause then they would just stare at you funny. If it is all written out its easier for them and you. Then you could quietly ask the dictors opinion. On whats going in, dont diagnose yourself or tell the doc what to do, just say some if my symptoms are odd, is this medicine related or can you tell me whats going in your profession ooinion....and ket the doctor examine you and order whatever tests he feels are needed. Definetly go and the nuerologist. Feel better and wishing yiu the very best. 

3

Thaks for your respose. Ther neru is a bit of a wait (2 months) As far as the Valium goes i been on benzo's since 2008 I use to be WAY over medicated (One doc had me on 4mg Klonopin) The only ones that ever worked for me was Ativan And Valium. I use to be on 30mg Valium but a year ago after a preganacy it was lowerd (I could not handle a 4th withdrawal prperly) I am trying to stay under 30mg tho the psych seems to want to raise it. They don't stop the wet head feeling,spacing,locking stuff but they do stop me from digging my head open when it feels wet and use to help with my vertigo and cut the the ringing sound in my ears from being constant.

I am just use to the whole we can't find nothing it's in your head, I am hopeing now that the problems that started in 2013 came they will pay attention. I have no idea if it is possibly hormonal for I noticed a rise during hormon changing times. I don't want nothing seriouse it's just that I don't ant this to be in my head.... I tried to tell myself it's not real and calm myself down and so on or not dwell on it to see if I could control it but it was a faliure. If it ends up psychological they have no idea how to treat it. The only other pysical signs besides stumbled walk,tremors,locking is my heart rate always being in the 130 range which was dismissed as anxiety by the ER after many failed attempts to bring it down with benzos but they never tried a heart med rolleyes

I am 26years old and been on many meds 2015 was the first year I tried Trileptal and Depakote (Hallucnated on Depakote oddly) And now I hav been on Lamictal instead for awhile.

I don't think I could handle another benzo withdrawl if they do it. I don't mean to sound like a whimp or a cop out. The first 2 times were easy the 3rd time was hard but i didn't know it was withdrawl and the 4th time I was on the floor shaking lost alot of weight and at 3 months completly off develped sever confusion in and out the ER all the time and my heart hit so high once at the ER they hit the button to call all the people cause I started to randomly shake and my heart was hitting 200 with no decline so they gave me Ativan via IV even tho I said no but that did not stop the shaking I was experiancing or what the doctor feared ws leading to a "sezuire" Which It can't at that far off plus I tapered down to 2.5 before the jump off.

I went to sign into a psychward but the psych Doc at the ER just put me on a low dose (15mg) Valium again while I was pregnate as he said starting any mood medication would be dangeriouse and that he wasn't sure what was wrong to begin with and they relased me without puting me in the ward (kinda glad tho cause I been in one and there NOT pleasent) The baby had no withdrawl also so I am glad.

I never thought as 20 or 30mg Valium as high after coming off of 4mg Xanax in the past and 4mg Klonopin for extream anxiety they couldnt figure out (which was there conclusion because I said I was afraid to move cause I couldn't walk without stumbling/shower/ or so on the world was always moving and that the patterens and floors seemed to always swirl and move and that I was gonna lose it if I could not care for myself) The medication alone was helpful at first but now it's worse then before and with the new symptoms I described above... Who knows.

I am sorry you had to go threw the benzo withdrawl I sympathize with that so much it is a addiction nobody asks for when put on them infact I was first told it MAY be habit forming to some even on the pharmacy panphlits until 2011. The Lamictal was only increaed to 200mg because the last psych was curiouse as to why it was helping the locking but ignored the space outs where I can't responderight (Trileptal cause the same thing reduced symptoms but when it hit it was more stronger and I would zone out and say/do things or randomly cry or laugh till it passed)

Another psych took over and she said she is not changing meds till she sees a nuro report so I am in medical limbo right now and my therapist keeps asking ME if I know anybody online or in real life with symptoms like me so I am search for someone.... My therapist seems to leave it to me to find the answers she seems baffled at everything I say to her even things not related to my symptoms listed.

I hope somebody here can realate though thats doubble edged because I don't wish it on anyone. My head feels wet even as i type i didn't remeber writing this lastnight till I saw the e-mail I felt so stupid like great people are gonna look at me like a freak and a illiterate on at that because I can't compose myself to type properly!!!!!

I appreciate you reading my story and taking the time to write to me I am glad to hear place a point in the possible nuero catagory as I don't want to be losing my mind.

4

Why does it take two months to get an appointment? Thats cruel. Your doctor should have called and helped speed that up. if you are ever in the er again, hopefully not ask for a nuero doctor to see you. They really only handle trauma now. So there goal is stabilze and leave, hospitals have changed profusely in the last twenty years. Insurance became a buisness and ruined good care. That hopefully will change again one day. I think whatever is going on here needs to be addressed and you deserve proper care. Shame on the whole medical profession and their lack of compassion. I mean that. I have read ao much on here and it is disgusting. 

5

I can't ask for a neuro Doc in the ER they won't see you unless they thinks its a emergancy. I only got to see regular ER Doc's and Nurses and the ER psych which is the one who "stabalized" me and sent me on my way.

It was a 3 month wait to see the neurologist but now i am down to 2 months I just hope they figure it out fast cause this has been going on for too long.

I agre with you the medical sysetm is in need of dire repair!