Lost again

Mental health
1

I should say I feel stupid for writing this after my previous post of feeling better but I don't feel anything but sad and scared right now, why can't things get good and stay that way?

This may sound like self pity but I can't seem to catch a break! If I could just concentrate on getting myself better I think I'd have a chance but it's never that simple! I Have so many things to deal with, so many things beyond my control, sad all day, then worse at night, something inside me just seems to change at night, I also get hallucinations most nights that scare me! I Only sleep a couple of hours each night, I Want so much to be better even just a little bit I'd take right now, have horrible scars on my arms that upset me but that doesn't stop me doing it again! 

Sounds silly but I sing most nights, it Helps to take my mind off things and I write poems to help get my feelings out but it only helps for so long, I can't stop the thoughts, just feel like I'm losing control of my life, I know ultimately the only one who can help me is myself but I'm worried that I can't 

X 

2

I know exactly how you feel. It's easy to forget the good things in life because the bad things just keep coming. You shouldn't dwell on the bad and relish the good.

3

Thank you for your reply x

I do try to find some good but sometimes the bad just gets too much x

4

I think it is great that yoiu sing because I do too.  It does help.  I talk to myself, the TV,the cat, anything to feel less alone.

Like you, I think I am dioing well, then down I go again.  But tomorrow is another day, so I manage to get through the bad days.  I hardly slept last night, and most nights only sleeop for a few hours.  That makes the next day difficult because we are so drained and tired. 

I write journalks, read poetry, do crosswords, anything to concentrate my mind on something.  Not easy, but helps, at any rate, helps me.  When I am up to it, I walk.

I lay awake last night, all  night, with things racing through my mind.  I think we all do.  Depression is very difficult to live with, but live with it we must.  We just have to try and help ourselves as much as we can.  I really think you will find a hidden strength inside yourself.  You will be surprised.

You sound to me that you are feeling positive to some extent, and I believe, strong.  You do want to defeat this illness.  Well done for coming here and talking to us.  We all understand.  We will support you all we can.  We all deserve that self pity, so don't feel guilty about that.  No, like yiu say, it is not simple.

Take each day as it comes, and one day,honestly you will feel better.

5

Thank you for your reply Anne, I have 5 children so I shouldn't feel lonely right? But I do! Feel like I lack adult company, just me and my children who I love to bits but it's hard living with this whilst trying to be a good mum for them. Just falling further and further down lately, not in a good place.

I've made a doctors appointment for tomorrow, so maybe he can suggest something to help? Xx 

6

I hope you feel better soon, hopefully tomorrow will help you more 

. If it helps,  i understand the alone thing, I also have a loving family but I feel lost and empty.. Try to smile 

Jonny 

7

Thank you xx

Donna x

8

Are the  things you can do that mean you can sort of rewrd yourself, rather than beat yourself up. I am sure a few good feelings will at least help. perhaps speak to your counsellor to as Mirtazapine just might not be suitable for you.

Just today i have had my meds increased to max dose and I am worry about silly things such as will it be like when I was max dose of mirtazapine. Its frustrating and I we all good at thinking in a particular way, breaking that way is so damn hard thou

9

Fed up with changing meds if honest! 

Not sure if just immune to them? Xx

10

Some people decide to dry out. And if the 225 mg of venaflaxine doesnt work for me that's exactly what I have agreed with the GP.

That way if I get all drugs out of system a proper evaluation can be done. And if need be a proper assessment rather than chopping and changing can be done